


Can Revenge Make You Fall In Love?

by Monarch13



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cartman dealing with stuff, Cartman is NOT the rapist i really cant stress this enough, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Eric Cartman Gets Therapy, Eric Cartman Not Being an Asshole, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends who muder rapists togeather stay togeather, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, KENNY IS THE DEATHS DONT WORRY, Kyle is dealing with a lot but hes strong he wants to live lol, Kyman - Freeform, Kyman is super soft in this just gonna warn you, M/M, Medication, Medication side effects, Murder, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Serial Killers, Stan is a good boi, This is dead ass just a revenge fic, You can pry the main four from my cold dead hands tbh, bunny - Freeform, creek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:49:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 55,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monarch13/pseuds/Monarch13
Summary: Sweet sixteens. The boys are juniors now they should be worried about collage, romance and drivers license. They are but since they live in South Park that also comes with some extra worries. Like mental stability, medications, overcoming trauma both past and present, death, serial killers, sexual assault and if plotting murderous revenge is the best time to ask out your long time crush?Kyle has a lot on his plate when he becomes the victim of a seemingly random, sexual hate crime. The cops won't cooperate so it's just up to him and his childhood friends to find his assailant as he turns from rapist to serial killer.He finds it weird that out of everyone Cartman seems to be the most interested in killing this guy. Even properly medicated Cartman is a force to be reckoned with when he's pissed off or he thinks you took something that's his. Not that Kyle is his, at least he's pretty damn sure he's not. Some things even hardcore therapy can't change.(Cartman is NOT the rapist.  I mean hes not a saint either but no he doesn't hurt Kyle. Somewhat slow burn but not really because I have no patience Sorry if the summery is bad idk what I'm doing here. )
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 58
Kudos: 130





	1. Outloud.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I've started a lot of fics in the past but I've never had the guts to post any. I watched the pandemic special and it reminded me of when I was 17 and really into Kyman so while I was on forced quarantine from work I busted out like three chapters of whatever this is.
> 
> Idk I've been dealing with a lot and this helped me vent. 
> 
> Happy Halloween 2020 everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I've started a lot of fics in the past but I've never had the guts to post any. I watched the pandemic special and it reminded me of when I was 17 and really into Kyman so while I was on forced quarantine from work I busted out like three chapters of whatever this is.
> 
> Idk I've been dealing with a lot and this helped me vent.
> 
> Happy Halloween 2020 everyone.
> 
> The sexual assault scene is separated out for anyone who wishes to avoid it. It doesn't go into any strong detail but this fic is riddled with the word r*p if that is tiggering to you I deeply recomend you not read this. That being said this is not a sexualized topic in this fic. Its not here for a kink its a plot driven aspect of the story like Law and Order SUV. 
> 
> This deals with the aftermath of an attack and not all characters are going to be 100% respectful or understanding of victims of sexual assault. 
> 
> I hope you'll consider before reading and hopefully enjoy it?
> 
> IDK Ive never posted before. Forgive me

Kyle

There's no sound in this room. There's no voice coming from the teacher writing on the white board. No squeak of the marker dragging across the painted steel. The world feels flat. Everything is made of paper and Kyle's just looking through his eyes like windows. 

It's just playing for him. In his mind he's just sitting in a dark room silently watching the soundless world before him. It's a private movie theater from hell.

Even when everyone is moving suddenly, getting up and brushing past him to the door Kyle doesn't move. The rational part of his brain tells him the bell must have rung. That's why everyone is leaving. It's time to go.

He's forgotten how to get up from the desk. In fact he can't quite remember how he even got to school. This morning was a blurry nothingness. Did he drive? Walk? He couldn't remember. 

A hand falls onto Kyle's shoulder and he leaps out of the chair like a startled cat. The spot where the hand touched him nearly burns in his mind. No one should touch him right now. 

"Fuck dude? Are you ok?" 

Kyle looks at the blob of a person in front of him and blinks a few times. After a second the image becomes more clear. It's Stan. 

He looked so worried. His eyes are darting taking in every detail. He looks like a concerned parent.

"Kyle. You're crying… What's wrong?" He sounds soft. Scared almost. 

Kyle cant even feel the tears falling down his cheeks until they hit his vest. His throat is tight. Kyle looks behind Stan to a bit of orange that moved into view. Kenny is there too. Hoodie down just staring at him, eyebrows drawn low, he doesn't look scared like Stan. He looks like a detective observing a crime scene, taking in details and coming up with theories. 

_Fuck._ Kyle thinks almost laughing in his head. _That's what my body is now. It's a fucking crime scene._

"Kyle?..." 

Kyle knows too much time is passing. He's just standing there. He's not moving or speaking. Or maybe he's shaking? His hands feel numb. Someone walks in. They're loud but he can't really make out what they're saying. 

There is movement out of the corner of his eye.

They're standing next to him now.

Kyle turns his head. It feels like moving in cement. 

Oh. 

It's Cartman. 

He looks… confused. One blue eye. One brown eye. Looking right at him. His eyes are sharp as hell. They look Kyle up and down, scanning him. Cold and mechanical. He was an Xray. Seeing everything from the inside out. 

_Can you see it?_ Kyle wonders. _Can you fucking see what I am now? Past the clothes do you see the wreck I've become?_

No. None of them could know. How the hell could they know? He showered and dressed in freshly washed clothes. He wrapped himself up like a gift bagged piece of shit. 

Cartman is asking him something. Kyle didn't catch it. 

"W-What?" He asked his voice tight. 

"I said why the fuck are you crying, Jew? Are you deaf?" He sounds different from how he normally does when he berates him. Maybe it's the tears that are freaking him out? 

Kyle takes a breath. Shaky, broken and pathetic. He looks right at Cartman. Deadlocked with his eyes. That seems to freak him out more. 

"Oh… uh… I got raped last night." He says it through the tears. They roll out and across his cheeks wetting his green sweater vest. He can't move and he might have stopped breathing after he said it. The first time he's said it.

There was no relief in admitting it out loud. 

There is a stillness that feels like ice cold dread dropping over his life long friends and himself in that empty, algebra two room. 

Cartman's face is unbelievable. It's shock at first. Shock. Disbelief. Terror and finally raw unbridled anger. Micro expressions that flitter across his face as his brain overloads. Kyle has never seen anything like it. He sees Cartman's mouth open like he's going to say something but Kyle's vision is black around the edges. The light fades out around him and it's all gone. 

* * *

_Kyle absolutely loved any excuse to use his new car. It wasn't anything expensive. A 2016 Nissan Sentra. Just a light gray color. Inconspicuous and normal. It wouldn't attract any attention and it got him where he needed to go. He was ecstatic to be the first of his friends to get a car. Still the only one until Stan stopped failing the written test. Third time would probably be the charm though._

_Cartman seemed jealous as fuck when Kyle's dad walked him outside on his birthday and showed him. He only teased a bit about how gay he thought the car was until Kyle threatened to never drive him anywhere. That sure shut the fat ass up._

_Being a sixteen year old driving normally consisted of him going to and from school unless he was hanging with his friends on the weekend or his parents asked him to go to the store._

_Which was something he jumped to do now._

_It was past eight, the sky already dark and snow lightly falling. December in Colorado. Gerald Broflaski closed the refrigerator door with an irritated grunt. "Milks expired." He mumbled, tossing the quarter full jug into the trash bin._

_"Awww." Ike pouted and laid his head on the counter. "I wanted some for the cookies."_

_Sheela was prepping a cooking sheet with spray and laying out some little scoops of cookie dough in even spaces, two inches from each other exactly. A treat for Ike after he had a successful piano recital. "Sorry bubba. There's some juice left."_

_"That's not the same at all!" The ten year old whined._

_Kyle looked up from his homework already excited. He knew exactly where Ike's pestering was going. "I can run to Whole Foods." He loved getting to say that._

_His mom hesitated looking out the window. "Oh I'm not sure. It's snowing a little. The roads might be slick."_

_"No no they salted them. It's hardly coming down anyway. I'll be quick. Ten minute trip at most!" He pleaded already itching to grab his keys._

_She hesitated but Kyle flashed those adorable green eyes at her and she rolled hers, smiling. "Oh alright. Be careful and don't drive too fast. Also you better finish your homework when you come back!"_

_Kyle was already out the door by the time she finished. He grinned running over to the drivers side. God it felt awesome to open that door and hop in, starting the engine and gripping the steering wheel._

_He was careful just like he was told. Driving a little under the speed limit. Kyle was normally a good kid who listened. Though he did get into a lot of crazy shit with his friends, more than his parents ever needed to know about. This was just a trip to the store though so what could happen?_

_Their small town Whole Foods was close to empty. Only three cars in the parking lot. Kyle parked and hopped out making sure to lock the doors._

_The store was playing some kind of generic pop song from a few years back. It hardly registered really but he hummed the simple tune as he walked down the aisles looking for the milk._

_He couldn't have known that there were eyes on him. That a dangerous, sick person was just feet away. Following him down every aisle and turn. He watched Kyle casually pick up a gallon of milk. He was smiling to himself. It was a powerful feeling to know exactly how the next hour of someone else's life was going to play out because you would be in control of it._

_It's not something Kyle Broflaski knew about himself but he was beautiful to outside eyes. Red hair just on the cusp of being auburn. Deep green eyes, the kind of green you see in Pinterest photos. Oak leaves in the summer green. Freckles lightly dotted his cheeks. He was long legged and lean. His waist was thin and it was well known that he had a 'sweet ass' as the girls in his class put it._

_Kyle's car was mundane. Kyle was not._

_After he finished paying he pulled his hat and gloves back on ready to go back to the house. He was just about to open his door when a voice called out to him._

_"Hey!" He sounded friendly, smiling with one hand out waving. The other still in his pocket._

_Kyle paused. Instinctually stopping at the friendly gesture just to make sure it wasn't someone he knew. He didn't recognize the face at all. He looked like a college student. Brown hair kinda wavy and he walked right up to Kyle. Very close._

_The red head raised his eyebrow "Uh sorry do I know you?" He opened his car door, hoping to use it to get some distance between them. The guy was fast though like he expected that. He moved around the obstacle and was right at Kyle's side._

_"Not really." He said calmly._

_The hand in the coat pocket pressed something hard against Kyle's ribs from behind the fabric. His blood ran cold. That had to be a gun no doubt._

_"It's ok." The man was smiling. "You are so lucky Kyle. Get in the car and crawl over to the passenger seat. Don't try to run. Don't scream. I swear I have no plans to kill you but I will if you try to make a scene." He said it all like he was just talking about the weather._

_Kyle was panicking instantly. It wasn't the first time a gun had been pointed at him but it was still fucking terrifying. He did what he was told. Crawled into the car and over into the passenger's seat. His mind was racing, his heart beating in his chest. He couldn't take his eyes off the man as he got inside._

_"I'll take the keys." He still had that creepy hallow smile on his face as he held out his hand._

_Kyle hesitated. He definitely didn't want this guy to drive him anywhere. No secondary locations for this Jewish kid. That would be the worst scenario. He could take him out of the state before anyone knew it. "My parents know I was only on a short errand. It won't be long before they get worried."_

_The man's face twitched and he pulled the gun from his pocket. It shined in the yellow light of the street lamps outside. "Kyle. Give me your keys. Don't worry I plan on having you back home soon. You're lucky. Ok?"_

_Kyle felt absolutely helpless. His hands shook as he fished the keys from his pocket and handed them over his fingers brushing his phone. "Here. Look you can have the car if you want but-"_

_"I don't want to take your car Kyle! You love this thing." The guy made it sound like that was the most obscure thing Kyle could have said. "You are special. I will return you and your car I swear. Scouts honor."_

_He started the engine and Kyle's breath felt light. Like he could hardly take in any air. "What do you want?" He asked as they started to pull out of the parking lot._

_The man looked over at him almost disappointed. "That's so generic. It's fine though. I want… to just have an impact that can't be erased. I want people to know me, make horror villains based on me. I want to be so fucking famous. You're going to help me there Kyle. See you have such an important role. You are going to live." He reached over and pinched Kyle's cheek smiling smugly with his eyes closed._

Fuck, this dude is super crazy _. Kyle thought, feeling his phone in his pocket. If he could just call someone… but that gun on him made him hesitate. This guy seemed crazy enough to just flat out murder him if he were to try anything._

_They didn't drive far. Not out of town or close to it. He just pulled off into a wooded patch on the side of the road and stopped the car. It seems like such an arrogant move, they were still close enough to the road to see the cars. He slowly turned to Kyle and sighed. His eyes were so wide it was unnerving._

_"Ok. God I'm excited. Take off your clothes. All of them. Make it fast or I will shoot you between the eyes and leave you to be found in your car here." He moved the gun to the middle of Kyle's forehead letting the cool metal sear his skin._

_Kyle felt the panic consume his whole mind as soon as he realized what was happening. "W-Wait! Please… Please don't fucking do this to me. I wont say anything ok? Weird shit happens here all the time. The cops will hardly pay any attention even if I said something. Please just… just let me go home." His eyes stung and his breathing was too fast. He couldn't think. He just needed to get the fuck out of there._

_Kyle didn't expect to get punched in the ribs so suddenly. He groaned and curled up coughing from the force of the blow._

_"This is happening. Do not try to worm your way out of it you fucking Jewish whore. Get your goddamn clothes off and bring your ass over here now!" For the first time his voice rose, the anger coming through his words was manic._

_Kyle just nodded. He couldn't risk pissing this guy off anymore he was too unstable. He stripped and with every layer of clothing he felt himself drift further from his mind. He was retreating mentally, his brain unable to process the kind trauma it was enduring._

_Everything after that just happened in Kyle's theater in his mind. Just a movie running on a tape. Even after it was all over._

_What a shitty movie._

_When it was done the guy dressed Kyle. He was in such shock that he let it happen just frozen and compliant. He blinked and he was back in the passenger's seat as if time just skipped forward, the man humming along to the same song on the radio that had been playing in the store._

_When they pulled up to his house he knew exactly where Kyle normally parked. He turned the car off and leaned over kissing the redhead on the cheek. "Thanks Kyle. Maybe I'll see you around sometime. Got lots of plans though so it's unlikely. Oh and be sure to tell as many people as you want about this ok?"_

_The door opened. Closed again. Kyle stared at his house from inside the car. He whined and let the tears come this time. He sobbed silently in the car relieved to be left alone. He couldn't believe he was home, that he made it._

_After a few seconds he tried to collect himself. Everything felt so off, the world was moving slow and his brain refused to come back enough to keep up with it. Using his sleeve to clean his face off he forced himself to stumble out of the car._

_He grabbed the milk and walked awkwardly into the house._

_When he opened the front door his mom was there glaring at him._

_"Ten minutes?! Ten minutes huh?! Kyle you've been gone for over an hour! I thought something happened to you!" She was screaming. He tried to block her out immediately. Her still voice was like a drill through his skull._

_His brother and father were on the couch just looking at him. He handed the gallon to his mom._

_"Im, sorry. I need a shower." Kyle mumbled just brushing past his still ranting mother._

_Kyle hardly felt his legs as he made his way up the stairs. That fucking bastard told him to tell people. He wants everyone to know. What kind of reverse psychology was that?… Kyle couldn't say anything. His voice was dead._

_The shower was the worst part. He had to take all his clothes off again and it made the panic rise in his numb mind. He felt like some kind of scared animal. He looked in the mirror just once. Red marks on his skin across his neck and hips. His wrist hurt. A broken bite mark on his shoulder. His thighs felt tacky._

_"God, oh fuck oh god." He reached his hand between his legs coming back with blood and…_

_His head was over the toilet emptying his stomach of everything._

_There was no reason anymore. He just needed all of this off of him. All of this stranger's litter away from his body._

_He had a breakdown in the shower. Crying and digging his nails into his arms wishing he could just crawl out of his skin. The water was so hot it burned. There wasn't enough hot water in the whole town to make it all disappear but it did a good job of taking important evidence down the drain._

* * *

The first thing Kyle heard when was coming too, was sirens. He blinked trying to make the world come back into focus. The sound was distant and then alarmingly loud. He was just looking up at his class room ceiling. A few stray pencils stuck through the cheap sheets of plaster, water stains and mold in the corner. 

A normal sight for a typical public school. Not that anything typical ever happened in South Park, Colorado. 

"Oh thank fuck. He's walking up." A weak voice said next to him. Kyle turned his head and saw Stan again. Man if he looked worried before now he was breaking a world record. He reached his hand out but Kyle flinched. That seemed to strike Stan. He looked hurt. 

"Kyle, hey. Everyone here is just trying to help alright. Look at me." Kyle's head rolled to the other side to see Kenny speaking to him. God he looked serious. 

"Kyle, listen. They are going to have to look you over alright. You can't fight them, just be smart. You're fucking smart as hell I know you know. They gotta look for evidence and treat you if you're hurt." 

Kyle whined and felt a sharp disappointment in himself. "I showered, Kenny. I'm a fucking idiot. I wasn't thinking." 

He could see the disappointment on Kenny's face too. It's crushing. 

The doors busted open suddenly. A voice directing everyone is familiar and loud. 

"Why the fuck are you moving so slow!? Don't you know seconds matter in cases like this!? Get him on the fucking stretcher or I will personally wreck your shit I am seriously!" Cartman was screaming at the EMTs. 

Kenny got up and let them come over to Kyle's side as they started to lift him up onto the stretcher. He felt stupid like this was one big over reaction. I mean he could walk. He didn't break his legs. 

Kyle watched Kenny walk over to Cartman and say something to him quietly. Cartman looked stunned then angry. He marched right up to Kyle despite Kenny trying to hold his arm back. 

"You fucking showered!? Are you an idiot?! A fucking retard?! Have we not all watched marathons of SVU for Christ sake, Kyle!" He sounded like he couldn't believe Kyle would do something so stupid. He looked a little scared.

"Cartman stop fucking screaming!" Stan yelled. He hadn't left Kyle's side. 

The yelling didn't affect him the way he thought it would. It should have freaked him out in his fragile state, instead he felt… something. Past the numbness and self hate ignited some anger. He glared at Cartman. "Hey fat ass! I couldn't think alright! I needed that fuckers shit off of me it was sick! How rational do you think you'd act with your rapists fucking jizz dripping down you're leg!" 

Everyone looked shocked. Including the EMT's. Just a second ago Kyle was practically comatose now he was bitching. Cartman sure knew how to bring that out in him. 

Stan turned his head to the trash can and vomited. Kyle looked at him and winced. "I'm sorry, Stan." He forgot how easily Stan's emotions could affect his stomach. 

He shook his head and wiped at his mouth. "Don't apologize, Kyle. None of this is your fault and I'll kick anyone's ass who says otherwise." He was glaring at Cartman. 

Cartman looked more pissed than Kyle had seen him in a while. "Fuck off, Marsh! I never said this was his fault!" 

The EMT's silently walked around the two carrying Kyle out of the room. That would have been fine if the hallway wasn't full of his classmates. They were lining the walls, their eyes following Kyle as they whispered to each other. 

Fucking hell they couldn't clear everyone out? 

Behind him he heard his friends raising more hell but this time it seemed to be at the students lingering in the hall instead of each other.

"Don't you fucks have anything better to be doing?" 

"Read the goddamn room! You're supposed to move out for the ambulance. Morons." 

"Yeah keep fucking talking Bebe I could spread some rumors about you to." 

"Go fuck yourself Mccormick!" 

Kyle couldn't lean his head back enough to see them but whatever they were doing was working. Everyone started to leave. Kyle felt his body relax more as they made their way outside. His lifelong squad behind him. The cops were just starting to pull up when they got through the doors. 

"About fucking time. What were these losers on lunch?" Cartman asked, crossing his arms and seeing a certain orange haired, mustache debuting cop stepping out of his car with a half eaten burrito. 

"Sorry everyone. We were getting lunch." 

"God damn it." Stan mumbled pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Kyle was loaded into the back of the ambulance. As soon as he was pushed into the confined space he started to panic again. "S-Stan?"

Stan pushed past an EMT jumping into the back without asking. "Hey, I'm here buddy. It's fine." 

Kenny and Cartman walked over to the doors but the EMT woman glared at them, especially Cartman. He was still a heavy set dude, luckily he grew out taller to distribute it but he was always pushing 300 pounds. "Only one friend can ride in the back." 

Cartman looked at Kyle and seemed like he was going to complain but Kenny took his arm. 

"It's ok we can follow. Cartman we'll just call your mom ok?." Kenny tried to reason with him. 

Kyle's eyes widened and he sat up suddenly. "No! You can't talk to your mom! She'll call my parents." 

Everyone looked disheartened. The EMT put her hand on Kyle's shoulder making him lay down again. "Son you are underage. From what you said happened to you we have to report it anyway." 

Kyle whimpered and closed his eyes just letting them hook him up to wires and monitors as they took his vitals and shut the doors. 

As the ambulance drove away the EMT started the questions. Honestly if Kyle had known how many fucking questions he would have to answer on repeat for the next twelve hours he would have just kept what happened a secret until he jumped off a building in ten years or something. 

They started off normal then got annoying pointed. "What exactly happened? Where were you at? What did the man look like? What were you doing out so late? What were you wearing? Were you out seeking sex? Did you drink?" 

"What the fuck does it mater what I was wearing? Jeans and a jacket it was snowing!" 

"No. I was out to buy milk! NO! THAT IS NOT A EUPHEMISM!" 

"IM, SIXTEEN I DON'T DRINK!" 

After the EMT's wrote everything down he had to see a nurse for a rape kit and that just all around sucked. It was too embarrassing to have Stan stay in the room so his best friend waited outside while the nurses poked, prodded, swabbed and asked questions left and right. 

"What kind of sex were you forced to have? What position? Did you climax? Did he climax and where? Did he use a condom? Did you use your mouth? Did he use his mouth?" 

Kyle was gritting his teeth at the end to keep himself from crying. The two nurses had to touch him all over while they forced him to relive the attack for information. When they pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures though was when he broke. He didn’t know why but the sound filled him with intense fear.

At the first flash of the camera Kyle screamed. He ducked down using the paper robe to cover himself the best it could. He felt totally irrational doing it. He couldn’t understand why he did that his memory was like a glitching screen, blacking out refusing to show the full picture. 

The door to the room snapped as it was busted open. Splinters of wood scattered the fake marble floor. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?! How is this world so full of incompetent adults? You're supposed to be fucking professionals! Why is your rape victim screaming?!" 

"Young man I will call security! You can't just go busting down doors! This is a hospital!" One of the nurses berated sounding shaken. 

Kyle looked up to see Cartman inches from her face. He was holding his shoulder and Stan was standing in the doorway looking at Kyle like he wanted to scoop him up right then and carry him to safety. Like Kyle was his kid who scraped his knee on the playground. 

"Wait! Don't kick them out. I _need_ them here." He begged, shakily standing up. Still trying to cover himself but it hardly worked with the gown being so short. Now there were more eyes on him.

The nurse looked from Cartman to Kyle, she seemed hesitant but relented. "Fine. They can stand over there but we have to take pictures for evidence before the marks fade. You've already wasted time with that by not reporting sooner. 

Cartman really looked like he was going to have it with her after she said that but Kyle held up his hand. 

"It's fine. I'm ready…" he said softly. 

Cartman was staring at him now. Kyle couldn't look away from him. His friend's eyes looked from his face to his chest. His bruised neck and the swollen bite mark on his shoulder. His face was unreadable. 

"You'll have to take the gown off. We need pictures of your back." 

Kyle didn't even notice they had started taking more pictures until she said something. He frowned at having to remove his gown but did it anyway just letting the useless blue paper fall to the floor. He turned around and heard Stan suck in air. Kyle's head whipped over to look at him. 

His face was contorted into an anger Kyle had never seen. He didn't know what brought it on but he definitely wanted them to stop taking the fucking pictures already so he could get dressed. 

He awkwardly looked to Cartman to avoid Stan only to find he looked worse. The larger boy was quiet and his eyes were dull. Head ducked low and eyes on Kyle's back. It was downright terrifying. Kyle had seen those looks before. Every time Cartman was serious about trying to murder someone. 

"Ok it's done. You can get dressed. The officers are waiting to interview you and take your statement." The nurse said putting the camera away and taking the samples. 

Kyle couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you kidding me? I already told the EMTs and you. What did everyone forget to write it down?" 

She rolled her eyes at him, rolling the cart of evidence away. "Well if you're telling the truth it shouldn't matter how many times you have to tell it." 

Kyle was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe how easily she dismissed what he said even after collecting evidence from him. "Fuck you…"

He watched her huff and leave catching Cartman as he swiped the nurses ID card like the stealthy little pickpocket he was. Clearly he was already up to some shit. That was aggravating, why couldn't he just leave this alone? Why did he feel like he had to be involved? 

Kyle angrily wiped at his face as he pulled his pants back on. Stan was picking up his shirt to hand it to him. 

"Hey, did she give you anything for the pain?" He asked, staring at his lower back. He just couldn't look Kyle in the eyes. 

The irritated jew swiped his shirt. "No. I'm not in pain. Why are you looking at me like that?" 

Stan's eyes snapped back up instantly. "I… I um. You… Your back isn't hurting you?" 

"Why would it?" Kyle couldn’t keep the aggravation from his voice. 

Stan went pale. He turned around and walked outside to the closest trash can. Thank god he trained himself to stop projectile vomiting at least. Kyle threw his hand up and rolled his eyes. Why was everyone acting so crazy? 

Cartman watched him go and walked closer to Kyle. "You don't have to act tough. We saw it." He was still too calm sounding for Kyle. It wasn't normal. He looked calculating and focused. His voice was too low now it was unsettling. 

Kyle's pulse hitched instantly. "I don't fucking know what you're talking about. I just… I don't even know why I screamed a second ago alright? This is just fucking stressful. Everything feels crazy! Now I've got to go say it all again to the fucking cops. Screw them. There isn't a cop worth a damn in all of South Park." He pulled his shirt on and zipped his jacket tight trying to calm himself down. 

Cartman took a tentative step closer to him with his phone held out. "You didn't notice this? Did he drug you?" 

Kyle looked at his friend confused and angry before taking the phone. "Were you fucking taking pictures of me, Cartman? This is a really fucked up time to-" 

He lost his voice as soon as he saw the picture. On his lower back in the middle was a fucking brand. Like someone had taken a piece of hot iron and stuck it to his skin. 

A Star of David. Just like the silver one he had around his neck that his Mom gave him for Hanukkah a few years back. Only it was a nasty black burn, red around the edges and looking close to infected. 

Kyle dropped the phone and started breathing fast. He couldn't remember that. That was something he _should_ remember. He would have felt that and snapped out of his disassociation for sure. When the fuck did he do that?! Why the fuck would he put that on him?! Why were his memories so messed up?!

"Kyle! Breathe. Look at me." Kyle did the opposite and leaned away, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He was panicking griping his hair and trying to fight through the black screens in his mind.

"No hey! Stop that you're going to hyperventilate." Kyle felt Cartman put his hands on his shoulders as he started backing him up until he hit the wall. "Kyle, breath in your nose. Out your mouth." He demonstrated and Kyle struggled to copy him desperate to gain some control through the panic. 

"There you go. Take deep breaths. Listen to me. The cops are fucking useless you're right." 

Kyle whined through his struggled breaths. He didn't want to hear Cartman tell him how his rapist wasn't going to get caught. He weakly tried to push him away. "Fuck you!" 

"Stop. You know me I'm ten times more efficient than fucking Officer Ginger Bush. Let me find him." Cartman said squeezing Kyle's shoulders in a weirdly reassuring way. "They might not even test your kit. It could sit there for years." 

Kyle felt something past the panic. That anger rising up again. He focused his eyes, green and shining piercing them through Cartmans. He felt more alive than he had all day. "I don't fucking trust you. This is important to me. Just leave this one thing alone for once!" 

Cartman shook his head. "I. Fucking. Can't. Don't trust me then. Just… ugh just trust that I'm pissed and you know the shit I can accomplish. What I can get away with." 

Kyle wanted to ask why he gave a damn anyway. Cartman was his friend but he was also a sociopathic asshole that laughed at death and others pain all the damn time. Still if he was willing to look into it… Cartman would be a better option than putting all his faith in the cops. He really wasn't sure of anything. His brain wasn't working the way it should. 

He nodded slowly. Cartman seemed relieved, his shoulders dropping a little. The tension in his hands lessening.

“Do you know who did it?... Do we know him?" He asked. His voice was deadly quiet. Kyle got the feeling he could say any name right then and that person would be on the back of a milk carton by tomorrow. 

He shook his head no. A sob worked his way from his throat. Fuck he hated feeling this weak. "I swear I've never seen him before."

"Some random dude? Give me a description. Tell me what happened before you tell them. Tell me now before you get asked so much you start getting tired of saying it and forget."

Kyle didn't want to go over it again or relive it. Warm hands trapped him there begging for any information he had. He took a few more breaths and adjusted to looking at Cartman's face. Cartman was close, pinning him down but he was such a different build from the guy who attacked him. His friend's hands were larger and didn't feel so horrible. He was familiar. They had fought like this all their lives. Kyle nodded again trying to collect his thoughts. Why was everything still so damn fuzzy?

"I went to go get milk for Ike. Just from my house to the Whole Foods. It was around eight when I got there, the sun went down already. It was snowing, mom told me to drive slow. I got the milk but when I was walking back to my car I… I." Kyle was talking fast but it seemed like Cartman was taking in everything. 

When he stopped talking, struggling to fight the panic and recall the memory Cartman lifted his hand up and put it over Kyle's eyes. His head gently bumped the hospital wall. "Block out what's happening now. Go back to when you first saw him. What does he look like? All the details you can think of." 

Kyle swallowed feeling the heavy weight of a hand over his face. He concentrated on the memory trying to move past the fear.

"He's young. Like a college student. White. Short curly brown hair. Black duffle coat, it goes past his knees. His eyes are… ugh it's too dark. He just waved at me, like he knows me and walked over. I tried to get in the car but he pressed a gun to me from his pocket. He wanted my keys." 

Cartman squeezed his face a little. "What did he say? Word for word. Come on work that stupid Jew brain of yours." 

Kyle bit his lip thinking. "He said… he said I was lucky. He kept saying how lucky I was because I was going to live. He said it wasn't a part of the plan to kill me but he would if I made a scene. I believed him he seemed that kind of crazy. He didn't even care that I had my phone. He wanted my keys. I told him he could have the car but he looked at me like I was an idiot. He said he knew how much the car meant to me and that it wouldn't be right to take it." 

Cartman listened carefully, putting his phone close to Kyle's face, voice recording everything to review later. "So he was watching you before this?" 

Kyle nodded. "Yeah he knew too much about me. He said I was special and he would return me and my car. I asked him what he wanted and he said that was a generic question. Then he went on about how he wanted to be famous and how I was going to help tell his story. He just kept saying how lucky I was because I was going to live." Kyle's palms felt sweaty and cold. 

"He said he wanted to have villains based on him. He's looking for notoriety for sure. Then he just pulled the car into the first wooded off set on the road. He stopped the car and… and he told me to take everything off. When I said no he called me a Jewish whore and told me to do it or he'd blow my brains out and leave me there." Kyle felt his voice start to break toward the end. 

Cartman took his hand off and brushed the red curls of his hair out of Kyle's face softly. The action was so weirdly gentle he had to turn away from him as he pushed him off again. This time he did back away. 

"Alright. If you remember anything else just tell me I'll-" he started to walk away but Kyle grabbed his hand suddenly squeezing it. He wasn't finished. 

"He drove me home after. He dressed me. He kissed me and said thanks. He said he hoped he could see me again soon but he had lots of plans that might keep him away… Then he told me to tell as many people as I could. I fucking fell for that stupid reverse psychology bullshit! I didn't want to listen to him." 

Cartman looked down at Kyle's hand then to his face, he didn't let go of him. "I am pretty sure he meant it. This dudes a twisted fuck." He grinned at Kyle. "But we both know I'm more fucked up." 

Kyle rolled his tired eyes and smiled. God Cartman had such an ego. He dropped his hand and watched it fall. "Heh… no you're not but you're probably smarter than him so…" 

"Probably?" Cartman mocked already heading to the door and holding out the nurses ID card. "That fucker is screwed, Khal! Just wait and see." With that he left with a manic kind of look in his eyes. 

Stan walked in behind Cartman and awkwardly looked at Kyle. "Hey dude your Mom is here and I don't think Kenny can hold her back any longer." 

Kyle's shoulders sagged and he groaned. "Shit." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that shits dark. Next chap is a lot of this but in Cartmans POV I'm sorry to be so repetitive I am trying to stop doing that in the newer chapters I swear.


	2. Watched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman's POV on Kyles situation and the police are sus as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that I am the only person writing this and I mostly do it from my phone at 3 am so there is bound to be mistakes I try to go over it the best I can but I won't catch everything. Really sorry about that.

Cartman

First period always sucked ass. German class was nothing but an easy A credit to Cartman. He was already mostly fluent and the teacher didn't seem to give a damn at all. He just wrote his essays and passed the tests while ignoring any lessons or videos. 

He didn't really hang out with the few students that also took the class. He hardly knew their names. 

Stan, Kenny and Kyle had fucking math first thing in the morning. They did ask if he wanted to take it with them and take the other German class toward the end of the day but he promptly told them to go fuck themselves. Like he was going to wake up and try to do math at seven to nine in the morning?

German was his time to catch up on some sleep or work on other homework. Maybe concoct a few schemes or stress about just how vivid his dream about a certain red haired jew was last night. 

That was kind of how his morning was today. Since the last year of middle school Eric Cartman had been dealing with his sexual realizations. One being that he was gayer than a Republican congressman's first week on grindr and the other was that he'd had a crush on Kyle Broflovski since he was a child. 

When he was younger it was easy to just tell himself he hated Kyle because he was Jewish or a ginger or all around an annoying know-it-all. Then at twelve it started to get weird. There was a dance, Kyle brought a girl with him and Cartman brought no one because who the fuck would want to date him? Especially since his first and only relationship with Heidi Turner had ended so bad. That might have been years ago but it was a small town and people didn't forget. Especially middle schoolers. 

Cartman watched as Kyle slow danced with this chick he'd never noticed or seen before. Then the slut just fucking kissed him right there! In front of God and everyone. Cartman had never felt so irrationally angry at someone he didn't even know. He grabbed the nearest cupcake to him and tossed it into her stupid, perfect hair. 

Kyle kind of kicked his ass and they both got kicked out. They spent the rest of the night arguing as they walked home. That girl never talked to Kyle again which seemed weird since he defended her. 

That night was the start of the dreams. He woke up in a cold sweat at 6am with a vividly altered memory of _him_ dancing with Kyle and kissing the jew in front of God and everyone playing in his mind. 

They only got worse as he got older. At thirteen he stopped getting into physical altercations with him because it made him pop the worst boners getting that close to Kyle. 

Fourteen and he got the biggest shock ever when Kyle came out as bi. Everyone was supportive and all Cartman could do was bury himself further into the closet and mock Kyle for being a half-fag. The depression started after that. 

Fifteen and Cartman started amplifying his crime. He did anything and everything to be a total disappointment. From small pranks to town blackouts. If they called you a delinquent they weren't calling you gay. He fucked over a few to many adults in town however and before he knew it he was stuck in a mental detention center for six months. That was the worst. Every day that passed he knew he was being forgotten. While he was strapped down and diagnosed and given a costco receipt list of medications. Everyone must have been relieved that he was gone. 

He took a lot of that abandonment and anger out on the nurses. Driving them crazy and tormenting the fragile punks stuck in there with him. The punishments and strict regiments sucked though. Eventually he managed to pacify his doctors by agreeing to a _couple_ of the diagnosis and a _few_ of the meds. That was difficult since he was pretty convinced they were trying to poison him. It was hard to tell if they were working. After a few weeks he was maybe a _tiny_ bit less paranoid. 

Sixteen and he knew he was fucked. He was still detained during his birthday and not that he would admit it to anyone but he definitely cried himself to sleep that night knowing no one was coming to visit him. Except his mom since she was obligated to care at least a little about her crotch goblin. 

He was wrong.

At visiting time that day he walked in ready to just have another awkward and not at all encouraging chat with his mother. She would say something like "I'm proud of you for giving this a go sweetie! You'll do great! You're already getting better!" 

It seemed totally predictable.

Instead he found himself staring at a table of the biggest idiots the world's ever seen. 

"Ugh this place smells like a hospital I fucking hate it." Stan bitched and moaned.

"This _is_ a hospital Stan." Kyle was looking down at his fingernails, looking bored.

"Fuck no it's not. This the loony bin and Cartman's stuck here because we didn't keep a damn eye on him like we said we would!" 

"It wasn't my fucking turn!" 

"Y-You guys think Eric is doing ok?" Ah Butters to. Nervously looking at all the crazies around them. 

"Cartman? Tch I bet he's a menace. They'll probably roll him in here full on Hannibal Lecter style. Mask and all." Kyle laughed.

"Some of these nurses are hot. Maybe I'll set the Mayor's office on fire next." Kenny was ducking his head down to get a good angle at a nurse passing out meds.

Cartman leaned against the wall watching them. He felt the tears in his eyes and couldn't go out to face them yet. It was hard to believe they were actually there. Talking shit about him but… they didn't forget. 

One of his doctors noticed him there and smiled. "Eric, your friends are waiting. Don't you want to go see them?" 

Cartman looked at her then back to the table. "Hm... so this isn't a hallucination." 

She laughed a little. "No, I think the Risperidone has taken care of those. That one there with the green hat comes by sometimes. He just asks about you and leaves. Probably didn't want me to tell you that but I'm not his therapist so…" 

Cartman opened his mouth then closed it quickly. "Kyle? Kyle asks about me? What… why didn't he come visit!?" He asked, irritated. Stupid Jew drives all the way out here and can't be bothered to say hi? 

"You were only permitted to be visited by relatives. Now your stay is close to over so we gave a little leeway for your birthday. Don't worry I legally couldn't tell him how you were doing but he seems to know you well. He could tell by the look on my face if you were having a good week or not." She giggled and then patted his back trying to move him into view. "Now go on and enjoy your birthday and at least _try_ to think about how improving yourself could positively impact your friends. You have a loyal little group there. They deserve it." 

When Cartman stumbled out into the visiting room after getting a little nudge the first person he made eye contact with was Kyle. He swallowed a lump in his throat and forced himself to look at everyone else. 

"Eric!" Butters jumped up when he saw him. He ran after the taller and larger boy practically leaping into his arms. 

"Woah! Butters god damn it! If you touch me they basically have to do a cavity search to make sure you didn't slip me a razor blade or something." Still he didn't pull away from the hug. Butters was still small, soft and cute. A little to girly but whatever.

He still was number two on Cartmans "I accidently jacked off thinking about pounding your ass" list. That wasn't special though Kenny was 3, Clyde was 4 and finally Stan got the award after an intense spotting job for one of his work outs. 

Kyle definitely held the number one spot in both number of times and who came first. 

Kenny was the next one to insist on a hug. He didn't even wait for Butters to move, just wrapped his arms around the tiny blonde and Cartman. 

Butters was squished into Cartman's belly as he muttered. "Kenny! Your dick is right against my ass." 

"So it would seem." Kenny whispered. 

Cartman pulled them both off. "I am not a motel mattress, Kenny! Find somewhere else to fuck Butters!" 

Kenny laughed and punched his arm. "Damn, I missed you man." 

Cartman felt a little pull on his heart but ignored it. "Tch. Gay." He rolled his eyes but gently punched Kenny's arm back. 

Stan smiled and first bumped his friend. "Dude you don't look bad! Like I don't know, did you lose weight? I seriously thought you would have like, matted hair and a straight jacket on when they brought you out!" 

Cartman glared at him "They don't let me have fast food so probably, not much though my meds wont let me lose weight easily. Also fuck you I practically run this place!" 

"You run this place but you're taking the meds they give you? Unlikely." Kyle finally spoke up. He hadn't gotten up from the table yet just sitting there legs crossed pretending like he didn't care. 

He was such a beautiful fucking jerk. 

"Eh! Don't be an ableist asshole Khal! I have legit diagnosis now! I have, like real prescriptions and everything!" 

Kenny whistled "Boujee. Real prescriptions." 

Stan and Butters laughed and Cartman flipped them off. "You guys are all fucking assholes." He hated how light hearted he sounded when he said it. 

They caught up for the hour they were allowed to talk. Stan talked about dating Wendy and breaking up with Wendy and then dating Wendy. It was pathetic. Also he looked like he had gone full EBoy while Cartman was gone. His letterman was missing, he had some emo band t-shirt on and painted his nails black. Dangly earring that Cartman was tempted to yank out for fun.

Kenny talked about some parties he had snuck into, girls he had messed around with (and a guy or two) and how he was definitely going to fail history class now that Cartman wasn't there to help with their projects. 

Butters hardly had anything to say everything was the same for him, his parents were still assholes but he didn't hold back in talking about how much he missed Cartman so that was kind of nice. 

Kyle would casually drop a few things he had been up to. Studying and playing basketball. Dealing with his genius brother who was doing piano recitals and winning science fairs and how annoying his parents had become about comparing them. Cartman always knew Sheila was a bitch. 

It was all over too fast. They went over their time but eventually a guard came and asked them to leave. Cartman hated that he couldn't just go walk home with them like they would've after school. It was the first time he really really missed South Park since he got locked up. 

He watched the four of them leave and awkwardly said goodbye telling them to fuck off back home so they didn't feel to bad about leaving him. Once they rounded the corner Cartman sighed standing up to go back to his room.

He already missed them. 

"Hold on guys I forgot something I'll be right back." Kyle called out. 

Cartman looked up hearing Kyle's voice echo down the hall. 

The jew ran back into view, he checked behind him to make sure no one was looking then smashed himself into Cartman. Hugging him hard and fast, arms wrapping around his shoulders. It was kind of remarkable.

"Don't fuck up in here. Just lie or whatever and get back to school." He mumbled letting the stunned boy go.

Cartman's whole body felt like it was on fire. His brain shorted out and all he could manage was "I… ung… fuck.. yeah… sure… jew…" 

Kyle smiled. God damn it he smiled and Cartman just _knew_ his face was red. He turned to walk away and Cartman forced himself to recover. 

Like hell he would let Kyle leave him like that.

"Hey! Khal!" 

The ginger turned around once more. Cartman took a breath and smirked. 

"Try not to visit too much, it makes you look clingy." 

This time Kyle looked like someone had lit a fire under his ass. He turned super red and sputtered because he knew Cartman wasn't just talking about this visit. "Fuck you fat ass! I just won't be concerned then!" With that he stormed off leaving Cartman there laughing. 

From then on Cartman was the best behaved kid in the whole juvenile mental detention center. He took his med and shared in group and only thought about how badly he wanted to be back home. 

Those memories especially the one where Kyle hugged him were a great reminder to him to keep taking his stupid medications. Despite the crappy symptoms they gave him sometimes. 

Cartman laid his head on his desk and begged the bell to ring already. He didn't want to get all sappy and shit. Or be reminded that one of the side effects was having a harder time cumming and how fucking frustrating that was after waking up from a Kyle dream and not being able to finish. 

After about twenty more minutes of silent suffering Cartman got his wish and the bell allowed him to leap from his chair and bring himself back into reality. He walked down the hall past just three doors and waited outside for his gang to come meet him. 

Everyone else was pooling out of the classrooms looking like overly tired teens ready to jump off the nearest building. His tired teens were nowhere in sight. Even after everyone was gone and the hallway emptied. 

Cartman raised his eyebrows and finally walked into the classroom to look for them. No way all three skipped and didn't tell him. 

He was right. The three amigos were still standing there among the desks when he walked in. 

"What the fuck are you three doing? If we're ditching to vape in Kyle's car again you gotta let me know ahead of time so I can forge an excuse for the gym teacher." He bitched. 

Kenny looked from him to Kyle and back again, his face was so serious and a little freaked. Stan didn't even turn his head. That couldn't be a good sign. 

Cartman paused while he was walking when he saw Kyle. He looked so out of it. His face was pale, his whole body was shaking like his knees could give way at any second. Worst of all he had tears just pouring from his eyes but his expression remained blank. 

"Hey why the fuck are you crying?" Cartman asked. His chest was tight already, there was a cold dread and a waiting anger. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He walked right up next to Kyle. 

“We don't know he's been like this the whole class. I think he walked to school, his shoes are wet." Kenny said, stepping just a little closer. He could tell Kyle looked a second from keeling over to. 

Cartman's heart started beating faster. Why the fuck wouldn't Kyle drive to work? He loved his stupid car.

Kyle turned his head slowly toward Cartman. The expression he had on his face when their eyes met was something horrific. Wrong and scared and so distant. 

What the fuck was going on?

"W-What?" He asked like he hadn't heard anything around him. 

Cartman knew he didn't want the answer. Whatever it was Kyle looked hurt. More hurt than he'd ever seen him. That was saying something because he'd nearly died every other week in their childhood. He hoped it was just about the car or something but that was doubtful. "I said why the fuck are you crying, Jew? Are you deaf?" His voice broke. He couldn't hide the fear he had. 

Kyle just looked at him. Through him. There was a vacantness in his eyes he had seen in a few of the girls at the detention center. The really fucked up ones. There was a vice grip around Cartman's heart suddenly. 

Kyle took a breath and Cartman held his. The boy's face is still covered in thick tears and all Cartman wanted to do was wipe them away and pull this idiot close and fucking murder whatever made him this way. 

"Oh… uh… I got raped last night." Kyle's words pierced all three boys in the room.

This was the moment Cartman's whole world crumbled around him. The floor sank. The walls burned and all that was left was Kyle. The red haired boy with a beautiful face weeping uncontrollably in front of him. That was his only focus. 

Not _his_ Kyle. Fucking anyone else. Anyone else and he wouldn't have wasted a year's worth of mental rehabilitation in a millisecond. Tons of therapy sessions to help him deal with his homicidal tendencies disappeared from his brain. There wasn't a breathing or rationalizing technique in the whole of the psychology world to keep Cartman calm right now. 

Every ounce of crazy he had left in him was ready to commit murder. 

" _Who_?" Cartman asked his nails cutting into the flesh of his palm. All Kyle had to do was give him a name and he was ready to end a life right there on campus. 

Kyle didn't have the chance to answer. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and Cartman had to dart forward to catch him. He held his smaller body in his arms and felt his hands shaking. 

Kenny was there in a second to help him lay Kyle down on the floor gently. "Cartman… breathe. We might not even know him." 

To bad he didn't care and only had his mind on mauling whoever had fucking touched his Kyle. They made the worst mistake of their life. 

"I'm going to fucking hang them by their balls." He said not taking his eyes off the shallow breathing ginger in front of him.

"Yeah but we have to think about Kyle now ok? Stan? Stan you still with us?" Kenny asked, waving at him.

Stan was still standing there staring at where Kyle had been. He shook himself out of it when Kenny addressed him. "W-What? Yeah. I'm here… I… fuck. We… we have to call the cops… we have to call his parents!…Ambulance! He needs a hospital!" His voice was high and panicked.

Kenny smacked Stan across the face suddenly. 

"OW! FUCK KENNY!" 

"Stop freaking out! Both of you… listen." He pulled them both down by their jackets. "We all know the cops here aren't worth shit. They might not even believe Kyle they are so ass backward. I say we don't call anyone and just wait for Kyle to wake up and tell us who did it or give a description and we will fucking find this guy ourselves. We know these mountains. We could easily-" 

"Hang him by his balls and scatter his pathetic rapist remains for the woodland creatures?" Cartman finished his eyes almost red with murderous intent. 

Kenny glared at him. Cartman never scared him no matter what state he was in. "Or torture him into giving a confession and turning him in because that sounds more like what Kyle would want?" 

"What does Kyle know!? Hes to fucking nice! Now look!" Cartman gestured to the fainted body.

"I'm fucking down for either but we can't get the… _evidence_ off of Kyle's body ourselves. No way any of us could do that. He needs to go to a hospital guys. They can treat him for rape. He could be seriously hurt and not know it or get an STD if he doesn't take any preventive medication in 72 hours." Stan recited like he was reading off a "What to do if you are raped" pamphlet. That sounds like something he would group project with Wendy.

Cartman hated how right he was though. "Ok. So we will call the cops. They can take Kyle to the hospital and question him but we have to question him first while he's there! The cops will go way too hard on him and he will clam up around us after that." 

The two other boys nodded. 

"Stan, call 911. I'll go wait outside to flag them down. Kenny, make sure Kyle is stable when he wakes up." Cartman directed as he pushed himself up and looked Kyle over one more time. It was suddenly hard to walk away from him.

Stan was already on the phone making the report. Nervously pacing the classroom and trying not to cry.

Kenny took his jacket off and put it under Kyle's head. He was gentle with him. Actions practiced by being a good big brother for so many years. "Go, Cartman. I've got him." He said looking up with a knowing face. 

Cartman bit the inside of his cheek and walked out. He stormed down the hall with a torrent of emotions. Anger and fear mostly swirled in his brain. He hardly had any rational thoughts just a focused repeat: Find whoever hurt Kyle and hang that bastard by his balls until he fucking died. 

As everything moved forward everyone was moving far to slow for him. The ambulance was slow, the fucking cops clearly didn't care. 

Kyle looked horrible. Even when he woke up he was more than an emotional wreck. Hearing he had showered after despite knowing how detrimental that could be in a sexual assault case solidified just how bad the attack must have been. 

Cartman's blood was boiling. 

Though hearing Kyle snap back at him gave him some hope for his recovery. Kyle was nothing if not a fighter. He would pull through.

Stan was pushing his luck hopping into the fucking ambulance like that though. Little shit. He needed that information from Kyle sooner rather than later. Especially if he knew the dude and wasn't saying anything. 

Still with Kenny holding him back he didn't make a scene. He felt fucking stupid having to wait for his mom to come pick them up though. He really fucking needed to get a car. 

His mom was fast, after he explained what was going on she rushed one of her clients out of the house and made it to Kenny and Cartman in record time. 

While they followed the police to the hospital Kenny nudged Cartman's vibrating leg. 

"You need to chill out Cartman. You can't go screaming at Kyle right now, like I know it's y'all guys thing or whatever and you clearly want to know how to find this guy but… " 

Cartman glared at his friend "Someone fucking raped _Kyle_ , Kenny. How are you not boiling out of your skin right now? With that whole hero complex thing you never fucking grew out of I figure you'd be shaking Kyle down for the fuckers name." 

"Poor Kyle. He's such a sweet boy." Liane muttered sadly as she ran a red light to keep up with the cop cars. She swerved into the turn and the boys in the back nearly fell into each other's laps. 

"Ugh god damn it fat ass!" Kenny shoved Cartman off of him then actually buckled up. "I am pissed! I mean I saw him to dude he's all kinds of fucked up! But I'm not gonna go retraumatizing my friend because I can't control my damn anger.” He poked Cartman in the chest. “The last thing you need is to be too crazy aggressive with our victimized friend and make him associate you with the shit stain that hurt him!"

Ugh. Cartman couldn't stand it when Kenny got all… correct about stuff. It was annoying. He crossed his arms and practically pouted 

The poor teen sighed, voice softer and more understanding. "Cartman… I know how you feel about Kyle but he's not your boyfriend. He hardly thinks you care about him as a regular friend. If you go into investigating this all emotional it'll freak him out." 

Cartman looked to Kenny then to the road "I'll be chill. I swear." 

Kenny looked doubtful. 

He was right. That promise kind of flew out the window as soon as he heard Kyle scream for dear life in one of the hospital rooms as soon as he got there. Kenny getting held up when they saw the Broflovski's car screeching into the parking lot. 

"Cartman don't." Stan who was waiting outside the room faintly protested, already knowing what was about to happen.

Before he could think about it he was busting down the door to bitch at the stupid nurse holding a camra. Catching sight of a cowering Kyle hardly covering his body on the floor. 

Cartman berated himself in his mind. Now he was going to get fucking kicked out and wouldn't get the information he needed. Fucking fantastic. Kenny was always right. He _was_ being crazy emotional about this. He turned that aggression on the nurse. 

_Also my fucking shoulder hurts now. Awesome._ It wasn’t shocking when she threatened to call security. 

"Wait! Don't kick them out. I _need_ them here."

Cartman was a little stunned by Kyle's declaration but relieved he said something. That relief was short lived, as soon as he got a look at Kyle's body when he stood up. He had to do a strong double take to really comprehend it. 

Kyle was littered with bruises from his neck down to his hips and thighs. They looked raw against his pale skin. A fucking nasty looking bite mark on his shoulder really did it in for Cartman. He almost felt sick. 

Looking over at Stan he seemed to be in the same boat. Angry and disgusted. Trying hard to comprehend what exactly he was seeing. He was surprised the weak stomached eboy didn't puke again. 

Despite his repulsion to the marks Cartman fished his phone out of his pocket. He started taking pictures in sync with the nurse to not get noticed.. He needed as much evidence as he could get. 

Cartman thought he was pissed before but he hadn't even seen the worst of it. Not until Kyle dropped the gown. 

There wasn't a description of a hell in any religion to describe the kind of pure rage that flared up behind Cartman's eyes when he saw the burn. 

_Branded. He fucking branded him. This fucker thinks he can brand Kyle?_

Rational thinking who? That no longer existed in Cartmans brain because every fucking person in all of Colorado knew that the only person who could brand Kyle as a Jew and get away with it was _him._

It took a second for him to realize Kyle was looking at him. He looked confused and concerned. Like he had no idea why Cartman would look so murderous. 

That was kind of fucking weird. 

Even if he was completely oblivious to his confusing romantic feelings he had to know he'd be pretty fucking pissed off at seeing someone branded him with the star of David. 

As soon as Stan ran out of the room and the nurse stupidly let him take her ID card Cartman was ready to get his answers. 

Now, backing up and possibly re-traumatizing his friend in a corner may have been the worst decision ever in terms of getting information or being a decent human. It wasn't conventional, probably pretty fucked up even, but that was their whole dynamic. It would have been far too off key and time consuming if he had sat Kyle down and slowly and kindly talked the truth out of him. 

Cartman had no time for that. He also believed it would take way more than this to break Kyle. He knew the ginger was going to recover.

After getting Kyle's story on record and a little bit of a confidence boost from that half complement Cartman was ready to get to work. He could still feel Kyle's smaller, long fingered hand against the skin of his palm. Squeezing him but still cold and shaking. 

As he walked down the hall he saw Kenny leaning against the check in desk. As soon as he caught sight of Cartman he jumped into stride with him. 

"Sorry I couldn't hold his mom back any longer." 

"It's alright. He told me everything." Even to Cartman his tone sounded dark. 

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "Ok. Do we know this dude?" 

He shook his head and turned down the hall looking for the police storage room. "Nope. Fucking psycho type. Kyle's probably the first. He'll do it again, definitely." He opened his phone and handed it to Kenny with the picture of Kyle's back. 

Kenny stalled when he saw the photo. His eyebrows drew together and he looked to Cartman clearly pissed. "So the fuckers a nazi? Let's go all Inglorious Bastards on his ass." 

Cartman nearly cursed when they walked by the medical evidence room. Why the fuck was it being guarded? That was weird.

"Seems like it... Now I just need that kit." Cartman casually took a scalpel from a nurse rolling a surgery tray by them and he opened a door to the supply closet yanking Kenny in with him by his jacket. "Sorry in advance by the way." 

Kenny looked down at the scalpel then back up to his friend. "Ah man. Damn it… really dude? Why you gotta take your homicidal shit out on me? I like this hoodie."

Cartman rolled his eyes and gestured to take it from him. "Fine, give it to me. Also yes. I need a big distraction for the police. One that won't make any news and since they will forget…" 

"Yeah yeah yeah. God it couldn't have been Stan or Kyle who drank my ashes and stole my fucking eye could it?" He bitched pulling his hoodie off and popping his knuckles. "Alright, I'm ready." 

He held up the scalpel and shrugged. It had been years since he started remembering Kenny's multiple deaths and ever since he told him, the cursed boy has done nothing but complain about how it just _had_ to be Cartman who knew. 

"For the last time it's not like I knew you were gonna come back to bitch about me taking it. Don't be such a pussy, Kenny." 

"Go fuck yourself, Cartman-" Kenny didn't get to finish as his friend mercilessly stabbed the surgical tool into his neck leaving it there halfway inside him. Kenny stumbled back running into lab coats and boxes of gloves instinctually he reached up to claw at the wound. 

Blood started pouring from his mouth and Cartman winced opening the door letting his friend stagger outside. He snuck an arm around him and cleared his throat. 

"HELP! A DUMB BITCH NURSE NAMED…" He paused looking at the ID he stole. "uh… _WANDA_ LEFT OUT A SCALPEL AND MY FRIEND TRIPPED INTO IT! OH NO! HES BLEEDING HE'S GONNA DIE!" Cartman screamed dramatically. 

Kenny being the star actor he was groaned through the blood that colored the front of his worn white shirt and zombie walked past the police guarding the evidence room. They abandoned their post to catch the dying teen as he started tumbling toward the ground. A few nurses followed after them. 

"It's ok, kid! Just whatever you do, don't take it ou-!!!" One of the officers warned just before Kenny reached up and pulled the scalpel from his neck. Blood squirted from his wound onto the wall and all across the officers and nurses. One of them screamed then fainted and it wasn't a nurse.

Cartman couldn't help but chuckle to himself watching it as he used the ID to open the door and slip inside. Through the window he saw Kenny flipping him off before slipping into sweet unconsciousness. 

"Sorry Kenny. See you tomorrow." 

Cartman took one of the coats he grabbed from the closet and put it on clipping the shity nurses ID to his chest. He moved fast, anyone who saw him wouldn’t be able to look close enough to notice the picture. The room wasn’t to big. It was a small town and a smaller hospital. It was easy to find the shelf where they stored rape kits. There were a few rows of files, untested and covered in dust. The only one that wasn’t had to be Kyles. Newly placed among the forgotten and uncared for papers. He pulled it out looking the sealed envelope over. Kyles name was clearly printed on the front. 

“Hm…” Cartman took it and walked out again past the chaos and carnage that Kenny had caused. He went up to one of the front desks leaning against the counter so the badge was covered. 

“Hey. So some of those cops over there said they needed this rape kit tested as soon as possible. Denver called them and said it might be some kind of serial killer or something. Can’t leave it in the back log if you could be famous for catching him right?” He said sweetly to the head nurse. Adding, serial killer to anything always made people more interested. 

Like he thought she looked at him with wide eyes. “Really?” she all but snatched the file from his hands. Thank god hospital staff were the gossipy types. “Wait? Kyle Broflovski? I was just talking to one of the officers. He said they think he's just some closited jewish kid that went out for a joy ride with a guy and regrets it now.” 

There was a dark flash of rage before Cartman suppressed it. “Oh no girl! That must have been some limp cocked rookie! I got direct orders to bring this in for testing. Totally seriously, there's like a for real serial killer in South Park. Kid was lucky to get away.” 

The stupid bitch gasped and put her hand to her mouth looking shocked. “Oh my God! Wait till Tiffany in DNA testing hears about this! She’s gonna trip over herself to get this one done. She's like in love with Ted Bundy.” 

Cartman smirked. “Sweet. Can’t wait till we hear all the deets, Sis! Oh also the police chef is so invested he wants the results emailed to him personally at [ EricGreiferWrecker@gmail.com ](mailto:EricGrieferWrecker@gmail.com). Here I’ll just write that down for you because I don’t think your brain can memorize that many words, no offence.” 

“Oh ok! Thanks! I’ll be sure to pass that on!” The nurse smiled brightly taking the file in the back with her. 

Cartman shook his head. “God it's like every adult in South Park is personally spoon fed lead every morning.” 

He tossed the coat in a trash bin. Well that takes care of getting those test results in. What that nurse said was a little worrisome. They hadn't even talked to Kyle yet but they thought he was lying about the whole thing. That would mean the interview he was having now probably wasn't going very well. 

The closer Cartman got to Kyle the more useless cops he saw just hanging out flirting with nurses. Not giving two fucks. Not investigating. Just standing around with their dicks in their hands. Fucking useless. He spotted Stan standing outside some kind of office, he was pacing again. 

"What's going on?" He asked looking toward the closed door Stan kept glancing at. 

Stan looked up at Cartman and seemed instantly suspicious. "Is that Kenny's hoodie? Where the fuck have you been? The cops took Kyle in to question him. They keep arguing. _Loudly_." 

"Kenny got a call and had to bail, he said sorry. I was making sure they were testing Kyle's kit instead of shelving it like I fucking knew they would. Also seems like the cops think he was just out looking to hook up and is claiming rape cus hes gay and Jewish or some shit." He tossed the hoodie to Stan and walked closer to the door hoping to hear something. 

"Wha-What the fuck? They can't look at him and tell?! That's bullshit!" Stan screamed, turning to punch the wall behind him.

Cartman stopped and watched his overly emotional friend pull his hand back wincing. Ugh damn it. He hated when he had to play therapist. "It's just the way these small town cops are. We already predicted this. Save your prissy punches for when we find this fucker." 

Stan turned on him. He gritted his teeth and marched right up into Cartman's face. It really sucked how tall the dark haired teen had gotten. Athletically built he had a few inches on him to. They hadn't fought since they were kids and hardly then even. It wouldn't be great if Stan decided to try and kick his ass right there in the hallway. 

"I fucking saw what they put on his back, Cartman. So before I let you fuck with Kyle's case anymore you tell me right the fuck now if you had anything to do with this." He demanded gripping the front of his jacket. 

Cartman pushed him back instantly. He had to much pent up stress and rage to have fucking Stan Marsh say something that stupid to him. "Fuck. You." He glared at him refusing to back down even if Stan could fuck him up. "You think I'd let anyone but _me_ touch Kyle?" 

Stan wasn't backing down "Do you even hear yourself? That's not something normal people say. Maybe you got tired of being to much of a pussy to admit you're gay for him so you got in touch with your fucking hate group buddies." 

That was it. Cartman swung before thinking, feeling his fist collide with the side of Stans stupid, perfect jaw. He didn't fall just staggered back a few steps looking kind of shocked. 

"I haven't talked to those idiots since I left the center. You're so fucking stupid, Stan." 

Stan looked from Cartman to the door then grabbed him, dragging him down the hall past a corner. He pushed Cartman against the wall and punched him hard in the gut. 

"Gah! FUCK!" Cartman started coughing, reaching his hand out to the wall to steady himself. 

"You're the biggest Nazi in this fucking town you bigoted sack of shit. Even if you didn't do this you probably know who did." 

"I am NOT a fucking Nazi! I don't do that shit! I haven't in years and you would probably know that if you didn't have your head shoved so far up your own ass!" He stood up straighter ignoring the sharp pain in his stomach. "And if I knew who fucking did _that_ to Kyle I'd have them hanging up in a meat locker while I carefuly flayed the skin from their penis!"

Stan looked doubtful. He was clearly angry but behind that he could tell he was scared. He wanted someone to blame and hurt right then just as much as Cartman did. "Why are you pushing yourself into this? It's really fucking weird to see you so concerned for Kyle." 

"Well I can see why you would ask that. It's not like we've been childhood friends since we were still shitting in our pants or anything. I fucking wonder why I'd care!" He barked back at him. 

Stan got up close looking ready to punch him again. "You have literally tried to kill Kyle or torment him since the third grade! You're just gonna fuck his case up and shit on him for being bi again aren't you?!" 

"Ugh are you kidding me?" Cartman gripped his hair feeling a rush of frustration. Of fucking course hed have to explain to this idiot why Kyle being fucking bi didn't matter to him right now. "You're really gonna make me say this right fucking here aren't you?" 

Stan narrowed his eyes suspiciously "Say what?. Fucking what Cartman?" 

"God damn it! Didn't _you_ say it like five seconds ago!" Cartman deflected, feeling that sickening panic in the idea of anyone else knowing. 

He watched Stan's eyes go from one of his to the other. It was normal, if someone couldn't really read Cartman they found it harder to focus on just one color. A good advantage for lying. He was trying to admit a hard truth now though. 

"Seriously you're not this stupid." 

Stan looked pissed again and then as if he had an epiphany he became as stoic as a statue. "No fucking way." He took a step back and damn that look on his face kind of hurt. Cartman winced a little. "I was trying to bait you! You don't actually… you're fucking horrible to him!" 

Cartman put his hands in his pocket feeling himself getting red. "Fuck off you used to puke on Wendy." 

"Because I was nervous! I didn't constantly call her an evil North Korean or some racist shit like that and insist I hate her and her people." Stan hushed his voice looking around nervously as if Wendy may jump out and crack his nuts open any second. "Also… you literally live in a town where people handed money out to openly gay kids but you never came out? Really?" 

Cartman put on a blank and irritated face. "Being a self hating homo will make you do very stupid shit. Like not taking guilty straight's money." 

Stan blinked through the shock. "So you're… admitting it to me?"

Cartman pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes. God. Fuck… I'm coming out to you right now, Marsh. I'm very fucking gay." Just to be extra he did a little tap dance move and jazz hands. "Tada! Now you can tell me you'll always love me no matter what and give me one hundred dollars to clear your straight conscious." 

Stan was completely still. He just watched him probably letting his brain compute what he just heard. If so they might be there awhile Stan practically ran on windows vista. Then the worst thing. He grinned and started laughing. Whole chest laughing and covering his mouth muttering.

"Sorry! Sorry hold on!" 

Cartman felt like someone poured car coolant into his chest cavity. He turned and tried to walk away. "Fuck you." 

"No hold on!" He grabbed Cartman's arm. "Give.. give me a second. Fuck. Ok…" 

The larger boy was glaring and trying to ignore how his eyes stung. Fuck this was to much of an emotionally charged day to come out to someone and have them laugh in his face. 

"Aw… shit. I'm sorry Cartman." Stan frowned and Cartman ripped his arm away. 

"I don't need your hippy pity." he muttered. "Let's just go see if they are done not believing, Kyle."

He tried to take a step but Stan put himself in his way. Fuck he just couldn't be cool and chill about this could he? Where was all his PC bullshit now? None left if it was for Eric Cartman it seemed. Friends could really suck sometimes. 

Stan pulled him out of his spiral of negativity by putting his arms around him suddenly. Stan normally wasn't a hugger but he squeezed the larger boy to his chest and held him there for a while. 

It was awkward and stiff. Cartman eventually moved his arms around his friends middle and hugged back. When he finally pulled away he looked Cartman over and took a breath. 

"So… you are gay and you actually want to help Kyle? You're really not fucking with us? Because if you are then this is the last straw Cartman I'm serious. Everyone will run you the fuck out of South Park and you know it." Stan warned. His voice was much less aggressive than before though so Cartman felt like he could relax more. 

"I'm not involved with this. I might be a non convicted murderer but Jesus Stan I'm not a fucking rapist. I'm a professional. I have standards." He put his hand to his chest in an overly exaggerated offended way. 

"Right… and you're all ready to kill this dude because… you _like_ Kyle? Not that I'm not also ready to fuck this guy up but… you're doing it because… well." He cringed out the last few words and gestured vaguely. 

Fuck now Cartman really got red. How embarrassing. He hated feeling like some lovesick chick, it really pissed him off. "You can never fucking tell him. You can say anything else if he asks why I'm working this so hard… just fucking don't. Don't say it's because I have some faggy crush on him." His voice was low. A little bit threatening and pleading. 

It seemed like that was a lot to process for Stan. He looked around as if waiting for the pranked camera crew to come jumping out. Eventually he swallowed and nodded. "I won't, dude. I swear." 

Cartman nodded and was about to turn around but Stan grabbed his arm. 

"Hey uh… I'm glad you told me. You _are_ still my friend and it actually doesn't matter you know? You don't have to be like, ashamed or anything… It's fucking weird that you like Kyle but it's cool that I'm the first friend you told. I won't say anything." He smiled at him. 

Cartman looked Stan up and down and snorted. "Dude. Kenny has known for like four years. We've made out. Also Butters knows. But thanks for your support number three it means a lot." He turned and coughed "Gaywad" into his hand before stepping back out into the main hall back to where they were keeping Kyle. 

He left Stan standing there in stunned silence. 

When he went around the cornor the closer he got to the closed off office the more distinctly he could pick up on the screeching tone of Sheila Broflovski's voice through the wooden door. She was really giving someone hell. He hoped it wasn’t Kyle. 

He stayed against the wall watching the door carefully. Eventually Stan came back to wait with him. He was happy he didn't ask anymore questions. The loser probably didn't want to know any more details into Cartman's sex life. Fair enough. He definitely didn't want to hear about him and Wendy. They stood there wincing when they heard a crash and the door flew open. 

Sheila came flying out of the room dragging Kyle behind her. Though she really didn't have to. Kyle was practically running out and covering his face. Fuck he was crying again. 

Stan was faster to react, he jogged after Kyle and put his arm on his back talking to him. Cartman watched Kyle frantically wiping his face off with his sleeves saying something to Stan that was too soft to hear. 

Sheila clearly wasn't done with the cops however. She got right up in the ginger sergeant's face. 

"YOU SEE THE KIND OF MUTILATION THAT SOME MONSTER PUT ON MY BABY'S BODY AND YOU DARED ACCUSE HIM OF SOLICITATION?! YOU THREATEN TO ARREST HIM?! MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!"

"Are you threatening an officer ma'am?" Sargent Harrison took an intimidating step closer. Towering over the aggravated mother. The cops were really starting to piss him off. 

Cartman walked next to Sheila and glared at the cop, he may not have been as tall as Stan but he was at eye level with the aging officer and he'd been in enough altercations with him before to know he could take him. "Hey! Maybe if you stopped being a dick to suburban moms and actually believed people for a change you could take some credit for doing something shocking. Like actual police work." 

Just as he predicted Harrison turned on him. He folded his arms and scoffed sizing Cartman up. "You. I should have figured you were involved in this." 

"I'm not _involved._ I'm his fucking friend and he's been sexually assaulted. Why the fuck aren't you doing anything about it? Too busy screwing donuts and eating hookers?" He got right up in the bastards face. 

Harrison reached for his cuffs and started pushing Cartman toward the wall. "That's fucking it. I'm taking you in! If y'all insist in on making this a 'hate' crime then I'm taking this fat fuck in for questioning." 

Cartman held his hands up as he was backed away. He figured it would be better for him to get arrested than Kyle's mom. Though spending the next five hours being questioned in a tiny, cold room sounded like shit. 

Before he could get forced into the cuffs though, Sheila put herself between him and Officer Buttmunch. She took hold of Cartman's arm and squeezed it. He was too shocked to move or say anything. 

"OH NO YOU DONT!" She pulled Cartman away with her and held her phone out. "I have my husband, a LAWYER on the phone right now. If you harass me, my son or any of his friends we will have you so buried in brutality claims you'll be sitting on your ass in desk duty till retirement!" 

Cartman forced the shock of Kyle's mom protecting him away and flipped Harrison off sticking his tongue out for good measure. "Yeah good luck trying to bury this you ginger cuck!" 

"That's enough, Eric. Thank you." Shelia said turning them both so they could follow Kyle and Stan out. 

Cartman kept looking at Kyle's mom and grinning. Damn it was good to have an angry fat bitch on his side. Maybe she was actually kinda cool. The mighty power of a true Karen.

Kyle wasn't too far away from them watching the drama unfold with tired, bloodshot eyes. He looked even worse than when Cartman left him. Puffiness and red streaks on his cheeks from too many salty tears. Bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days, even if it wasn't even twenty four hours since his attack. 

Shelia let go of Cartman's arm so she could go and hug her son. It was weird Cartman didn't even notice she still had a hold of him. "Oh bubba it's going to be ok. If they won't listen we will take the case somewhere else." 

He watched them embrace and put his hands in his pocket awkwardly. "So what did Harrison say anyway? They aren't even gonna open a case? That's even more lazy than I figured them for."

Kyle looked up at Cartman from his mom's shoulder and shook his head. When he pulled back from her he gritted his teeth and glared hard at the floor. "They fucking insinuated that I was out soliciting men. Then said they might have to investigate me." 

Cartman raised an eyebrow. That was fucking weird. He figured Harrison might not care about some kid getting raped, especially if that kid was Jewish and didn't name a black person as the suspect, but to straight up deflect the crime onto the victim? That was off even for a useless cop like him. 

"We'll sort all of this out. No ones going to get away with hurting you Kyle. Your dad is already drawing up some paperwork to make sure the South Park Police Department open a case for you. They have enough evidence. I'm sure they will put someone away. They just need a little motivational push!" 

Kyle nodded at her and tried for a smile but as soon as she turned to go speak with her husband on the phone his face fell. Stan put his hand on his friend's shoulder and looked at him encouragingly. 

"Dude we will get this guy." He said confidently. 

"Something about the way the cops are acting is suspicious as fuck." Cartman said in a low tone looking around. He noticed one of the junior officers staring at them from a corner and he started to lead Kyle and Stan outside. Unfortunately there was a group standing out there to like they were waiting for them. At least five more cops.

"Fuck." Cartman said under his breath

Now he was really feeling paranoid which was never great. It was difficult to tell if something was really going on or if he was having a delusion. Thank god for Stan and Kyle who seemed just as suspicious shooting scathing looks at the police. Actually being spied on was a schizophrenic's worst nightmare. 

"We should text each other later." Stan muttered. 

Cartman shook his head. "No, use discord. They could read our texts pretty easily." 

They both nodded as Sheila walked out. "Kyle we need to get home. We have to have a family meeting about this. Your father is picking up Ike, come on." 

Kyle winced. It was clear the last thing he wanted to do was go home and talk about this shit some more. Especially with his family. "Mom, please. I'm tired." 

She paused and seemed like she wanted to argue with him or tell him off for talking back but she stopped herself. "Alright… but we have to talk at some point." She looked to the other boys and smiled at them. "Thank you for being so supportive boys. Do you need rides home?" 

Oh fuck no. Cartman would rather screw a cactus. "No, thank you Mrs. Broflovski. My moms in the parking lot somewhere." 

"Ok. You boys get home safe." She tugged on Kyle's arm leading him away. It was actually kind of painful to watch him go. If it wasn't for his family Cartman would insist on being within eyesight of the ginger boy at all times. 

However some people might consider that stalking, including Kyle. So he figured it would be best to let him go home and maybe sleep. Hopefully. Though considering Kyle's brain needing to understand everything before it can rest he doubted it. 

Stan took him out of his thoughts by shaking his shoulder a bit. "Dude you're staring at him. Come on let's get back. We can talk about it… not here." He looked over to the cops who were 'discreetly' filming them now. By awkwardly holding their phones up at them.

Cartman rolled his eyes and nodded. "I'll set up a secure chat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have always wondered how Cartman might act if he was properly medicated and if he still had supportive friends by the time he was in high school.


	3. What If's and Maybes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle starts to really question why Cartman is working his case so hard and starts to deal with how this is actually affecting him. Also what he wants to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wtf is with these Kudos guys?  
> lol I just posted this and its far to serious for South Park. Thanks so much its really cool to know someones reading it.
> 
> I stayed up to clean what I had for Chapter three instead of waiting for tomorrow. Hope yall enjoy. 
> 
> Also yep the chapter Title is What Ifs and Maybes based on the song by Hayley Orrantia.

Kyle

Being self aware that your being traumatized is such a shit feeling. You're just stuck in a situation looking at it from the outside and thinking to yourself:

_ In a few years or maybe for the rest of my life I'll still be dealing with this shit and it's going to suck. I hope this isn't enough to turn me into an alcoholic. _

Kyle's whole day was filled with moments like that. From having to tell his friends what happened to him to having to say it over and over and over again. To people he didn't know who showed him less than compassion. To his weird frenemy that seemed insistent on finding his attacker. To his mom and dad. 

Nothing could compare to telling Sargent Harrison. That was a complete shit show. His mom was next to him the whole time and this fucker just kept interrupting any time Kyle tried to give a description or god forbid insist it wasn't consensual. He watched as Harrison didn't write anything down or record it. Like he intentionally wasn't going to keep an official record. 

Then he comes out with. "Well to be honest we aren't looking at this case as a rape right now. To me it seems more like an illegal service gone wrong." 

Both Kyle and his mother were stunned. What the fuck had he just said? 

"I'm not a fucking prostitute!" Kyle screamed slamming his fists on the table. 

"Hey now I didn't say the word prostitute." Kyle watched Harrison flick on his recorder. "You're the one that said prostitute Kyle Broflovski. Why is that?" 

Kyle was slack jawed looking from the recorder to the Sargent. "Are you fucking kidding me? Because you said you weren't going to investigate this as a rape! That's illegal!" 

The cop shrugged. "I don't see you bringing any evidence to the table that this happened to you. The nurses even said it looked more like consensual rough sex to them." 

Kyle was instantly turning around and pulling his shirt up. "Does this fucking look like I asked for this you stupid, donut binging Shit-Lord!?" 

His poor mother screamed when she saw Kyle's mutilated back. He winced at the sound regretting his rash decision. 

Harrison shrugged, not even blinking. "Lots of people get crazy body modifications these days." 

Kyle was boiling over with rage but he didn't have to let loose. His mother was at the cop's throat in an instant. Calling his dad and threatening to take this case up to the Mayor if they had to. 

As much as Kyle wanted to stick it to these lazy pigs the idea of going to the Mayor or even worse going public made him want to leap off the balcony. There was no way he'd want this broadcast. That sounded exactly like something his attacker would want. Kyle couldn't give that to him. 

In the end screaming at the cops turned out to be useless. They berated his Mom and just constantly insinuated that he was either a slut or a prostitute. That was just the angel they were going for. They clearly didn't want to see him as a victim. Or see any crime at all. 

It was just a useless emotionally taxing battle. It made Kyle fucking tired. He was glad when his Mom finally opened the doors and pulled him out of the interview. 

Stan and Cartman were there waiting outside for him. Seeing them instantly made him feel better. Safer. The way the cops were acting was too unsettling. Something was going on and the only people who were going to figure out what happened was him and his friends. 

Stan was right there for him in a second. He pulled him away from Harrison and shielded him. "Hey. What's with the screaming?" 

"They called me a fucking whore and won't investigate." He said feeling the tears streaking his sore face. He rubbed at his eyes and looked past Stan seeing Harrison get up in his mom's face. He panicked thinking they were going to arrest her for sure. 

Stan held him back, touching his shoulders gently. He felt so careful like he was touching a fragile thing. It was kind of getting on his nerves.

Unexpected is an understatement compared to how in awe Kyle was watching Cartman step between his mom and Sargent Harrison. He didn't know what he said but whatever it was turned the attention to him instantly. The Sargent definitely seemed pissed now compared to the uncaring mood he had a few moments ago. 

Both him and Stan watched as Cartman was backed up to the wall about to be arrested. Kyle felt his chest grow cold and his body froze up. What the fuck was with the cops screwing with him today? They would arrest Cartman for talking shit but not even look into his report? Screw them. 

When his mom came to Cartman's defense and pulled the larger boy away from the cops Kyle calmed down a little. He really didn't need anyone getting arrested because of him. Though between his mom and his psychotic friend the cops seemed outmatched. 

Cartman was right about the police too. Just confirming his own suspicions from the interview. They were involved somehow he fucking knew it. 

As Kyle walked with his Mom to the car he turned his head over his shoulder catching sight of Cartman watching him. He didn't look away or falter. They caught eyes and Kyle was the one who had to turn back. 

That was another thing. Cartman was being weird too. Asking all those questions and forcing himself on him like he did? Kyle felt his chest was folding in on itself at the idea of him having something to do with this. It wasn't something he could just brush away though. Cartman was better… but he couldn't say he wasn't still dangerous. 

He was just acting so weird.

To many memories, to many fights and crazy breakdowns. Cartman was smart when he wanted to be. Crazy smart. What if he was off his meds? What if Kyle pissed him off somehow and this was some fucked up way of getting back at him? 

The car bounced as it hit a large pothole. Kyle winced and reached for his back being pulled from his thoughts like a fish out of water. Fuck that was starting to hurt. 

"I'm sorry bubba. We're almost home." 

Kyle blinked and looked out the window, rubbing his eyes. He still felt so off. Groggy and unfocused. He missed the whole drive from the hospital. There was something wrong with him. 

When they drove up to the house he noticed his dad's car in the driveway and pulled his arms around his chest. He really hated the idea of going inside and seeing his dad and little brother there wanting to ask him questions, make sure he was ok. 

He just wanted to go lay down. 

"Mom… I just want to go to my room. I swear I'll talk with you guys later but I feel sick. I just need to go to bed." His voice was soft. 

She stopped the car and hesitated looking at Kyle, waiting for him to look back at her. He avoided it. He didn't want to see her face. "Ok. I'll go in first. Take your time, bubba." 

He looked down at the floorboards when she got out wincing as the car door shut. Eventually he forced himself to get out of the car and come inside. The house seemed empty when he walked in. It was eerily quiet. No music or talking, just a soft nothingness. He had to walk past the kitchen to go upstairs and caught just a flash of his father holding onto his Mom. She was quietly weeping into his shoulder, finally breaking down after staying strong through the whole hospital and shit with the cops.

He walked faster upstairs feeling the rage building. If he couldn't be angry for himself then he would be pissed at how this was affecting the people around him. Freaking Stan out, breaking his Mom's heart. Causing unnecessary stress. Making him feel like some kind of breakable pussy. 

He slammed his door and turned around to punch it. He hardly felt the sting of the wood against his knuckles but it made a satisfying thump and his hand looked red when he pulled it back. He wiggled his fingers wincing at the tender feeling before just letting himself fall onto the bed. 

"Fuck this. Fuck you!" He called out putting a pillow into his face and screaming. He didn't want to cry anymore or let this shit make him feel weak. He wanted to hurt this guy. 

He wanted fucking revenge. 

He wanted this asshole dead. 

He just wasn't sure who he could trust yet to make that happen.

Just then he got a ping on his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the discord invite. A new chat for the investigation. Cartman sent it to him. He sat up and clicked on the link. 

Stan and Cartman had logged in already but Kenny was missing. He must have had to take care of his sister or something. 

**ElfKingKB: the cops don't want to open this case. They didn't even turn on the recorder until they thought i was going to say something incriminating.**

He typed out waiting for a reply. Cartman was the first to start typing back. 

**EricGreiferWrecker: it might be a cop or someone related to one.**

Kyle hated the thought of that. It would really fuck up any chance he had at officially catching this guy. In any legal way at least. They would have to fight the system the whole time. How the fuck was he supposed to prove it when they had all the evidence?

Maybe he didn't want to prove it though. Just find this guy and take care of him himself. 

**ElfKingKB: he could have been a cop idk… they wont test anything if it is. They might even destroy the evidence.**

**EricGreiferWrecker is typing…**

**TheManMarsh is typing…**

Well clearly they had opinions about that. 

**TheManMarsh: but if it is a cop that narrows down the suspect list. If we cant prove it physically then we could at least find this guy. Get a confession.**

**EricGreiferWrecker: I sent the kit in to get tested myself. They'll email me the results even if the police ignore them.**

Kyle blinked at his phone. His heart was pounding suddenly. How the fuck did Cartman make sure his kit was getting tested? If he actually got a hold of that file then he could have done whatever he wanted with it.

He opened up to his DM's with Cartman. Pissed and ready to accuse him. If he was trying to screw this up then he'd fucking kill Cartman to. 

The last things they had messaged to each other was staring him in the face. Just some stupid banter from when they played DOOM ETERNAL last weekend. 

**_EricGreiferWrecker: You actually up to kill that thing or what?_ **

**_ElfKingKB: Fuck off dude just flank._ **

**_EricGreiferWrecker: Hes gonna kick your ass jew._ **

**_ElfKingKB: Less text more shooting fat ass._ **

He couldn't help but pause when he read through them. Kyle couldn't really remember the last time he and Cartman had a bad fight. The worst one was right before he got locked up when the idiot randomly showed up to his house at three in the morning, running from the cops and kicking in his window to escape them. 

He remembered Cartman falling on his face among the broken glass and telling him franticly to be fucking quiet. The sirens closing in on the house as he helped the idiot to his feet. 

_ "Are you fucking stupid?! What did you do, fat ass?!" He asked, whispering aggressively.  _

_ Cartman had a cut on his forehead, it bleed down his face and jaw. His eyes were wide and crazed as he looked at Kyle. "I may have set the Mayor's office on fire. She really pissed me off the last time I saw her. Mind if I hide out here?"  _

_ Kyle could hardly process what he was hearing. "No! No you cannot fucking hide form the cops in my room! You just broke my fucking window! Go home!"  _

_ Cartman pouted holding up soot and blood covered hands. "But Kahhhhl. I'm injured! What if they shoot me?!"  _

_ He groaned and started pushing the larger boy out of his room. "You can't hide here! Also you're a straight white dude so you're probably fine."  _

_ The fat ass leaned his weight against Kyle dramatically. "Some friend you are leaving me to die!"  _

_ "You want me to get shot with you? Get the fuck out of my house!"  _

Eventually he did manage to get Cartman out the front door, slamming it shut in his face. The look he had was pathetic, some kinda fake tears and puppy dog eyes. He seemed a little bit drunk or maybe just manic. Kyle watched him from his broken window when he got back upstairs. 

He saw Cartman hardly get a step into his yard before three cop cars surrounded him. It was actually kind of terrifying. 

Harrison came out and hit Cartman in the back of his head with the butt of his shotgun. Kyle jumped when he watched his friend's body hit the snow. They cuffed him and it took at least four cops to put Cartman in the back of a white van. 

The next morning when he came outside Liane was crying on the porch. Her yard was covered in boot tracks and one big messy indentation with red snow. 

After he heard Cartman got locked up he felt pretty shitty. It wouldn't have ended well if he  _ had _ hid Cartman in his room but he was an ass for just tossing him out in the snow. His guilt made him start visiting the nut house where they locked him up. 

Once a week he would just drive up and walk in. They made it very clear he couldn't have visitors. He learned Cartman's doctor's name though so he'd just ask for her. She couldn't really tell him anything but sometimes she looked totally run down, others a little hopeful. It was pretty easy to guess how he must have been doing. 

When Cartman was released there was something different. He had less random bursts of crazy energy. Stopped calling him in the middle of the night with some insane theory about the NSA tracking him because he knew about Santa or whatever. He seemed a little happier even.

He was still a fucking jerk, ripping on him or anyone else any chance he got but there was a calmness now. Also he stopped blowing shit up and causing town blackouts so that was something. There was a significant change in how violent he got. 

The more Kyle thought about it the less likely Cartman being involved with his attack felt possible. Unless this had been a year long plot, a total act. Then it just didn't fit. 

The paranoid doubt still remained but he was less anxious about it. 

He started typing a message to him.

**ElfKingKB: I have to ask you something.**

There was a pause. No activity for a few minutes. Kyle just stared at the screen. 

**EricGreiferWrecker is typing…**

He didn't know why but he held his breath as he waited. 

**EricGreiferWrecker: Ok. What is it?**

Kyle breathed in and tried to think of how to word this. He didn't want to sound like an accusing ass but he needed to know if he could trust Cartman with this. 

**ElfKingKB: Would you do this to me? Is this because I didn't hide you back then?**

Kyle felt nauseous as he waited. There wasn't a pause at all this time. 

**EricGreiferWrecker is typing…**

That went on for a few minutes then he stopped but no reply popped up. 

**EricGreiferWrecker is typing…**

Again he watched the little dots. Lead sinking his stomach the whole time. Then it stopped again. Still no reply. 

He jumped when he heard his phone ring. He picked it up, answering it quickly. He figured Cartman must be really pissed at him to call instead of just texting him. He braced himself for some yelling. 

"Hello?" 

"I wouldn't. It wasn't me. I don't give a shit about when I got arrested. This  _ wasn't _ me, Kyle." 

Kyle opened his mouth then closed it. Cartman was a good liar. Kyle had fallen for his dumb schemes before he  _ knew _ what Cartman sounded like when he was trying to get something he wanted. This was something else. Pleading, begging sincerity that sounded desperate and real. No stupid accent or undertone of selfishness. 

He sounded like he really needed Kyle to know it wasn't him. As if there wasn't anything else in the world that mattered more. 

"Kyle?" He sounded quiet and scared now.

The ginger looked at his window. New and not really matching since the wooden panels had to be replaced. He could see Cartman's old green house across the street. The same one he had grown up next to for sixteen years. 

Kyle walked up and opened it. Peering out he could see Cartman's room. His blinds mostly open so he could fully see him. He watched him pacing around and holding the phone up to his head. This really looked like it bothered him. 

"Ok." 

He saw Cartman stop in the middle of his room. 

"Ok?" He asked, still quiet. 

Kyle sighed and leaned against the window flicking some snow off the ledge. "Yeah. I kinda thought maybe you were pissed at me and took it too far but… getting someone else to hurt me doesn't seem like your style." 

He waited for Cartman's reaction. He was still just standing there taking in what Kyle said before he slowly sat down on his bed. Hm well he didn't start throwing a fit after being told this didn't seem like him. So maybe it wasn't. 

"Rape isn't my style." He corrected. Not really angry, just insistent. He still sounded softer than normal and somewhat desperate. 

That tone really made Kyle hesitant. The more he talked the more he started thinking he didn't do this. He seemed kind of genuinely offended that Kyle would think this was him. 

"I just need you to know that I'll fucking kill you if I find out this was you. I've said that before but I mean it. I will kill you, Cartman and I'll make sure no one finds your body! This shit fucking  _ hurts _ ." He felt his voice waver again and covered his mouth feeling stupid. 

Great now he'd triggered the fucking water fountain.

God damn it he just wished he could be angry about this without crying. "It's hurting my parents. Probably my brother. Stan…  _ m-me. _ " 

Welp, there it was. He breathed in and it shook, his lungs finding it hard to take in breath and cry at the same time. Kyle made his way back over to his bed curling up on it. "I can't really feel anything… but this all fucking hurts. Well my back actually is starting to hurt." 

His body was starting to ache too. His thighs were sore where the guy had pushed his knees into him and his infected shoulder was hot to the touch. Human mouths were fucking gross. 

"I'm tired and this fucking hurts…" he sobbed into the phone. He was so tired of crying. So tired of it that his eyes ached from being rubbed so much and producing so many tears. 

Cartman was very quiet on the other end. Kyle thought he might have hung up until he heard rummaging sounds. Muffled background noise. He made a face wondering what the fuck this idiot was doing.

Finally he asked something dumb "Can I come through your window? It's open." 

Kyle sat up and turned to the window. He saw Cartman standing under it still holding his phone to his ear and a bag in his arms. Well if Cartman actually did plan this out then he would be letting a psychotic rapist into his room. The smart thing to do would be to be cautious and not let this psycho in. 

"Fine." Kyle said, putting his phone down and hanging up. 

He waited and listened, heart thumping against his chest as Cartman not so gracefully climbed a ladder to his bedroom. It was easier when they were kids but now Cartman was like 260 pounds of teen boy loudly squeezing himself through the window. 

"Hold on. Shit. Wait. Fuck! Stupid snow. Hold on!" 

Kyle shook his head. He couldn't help but be a little bit amused watching him struggling. He tried not to smile anyway. When he did manage to get inside the fat ass fell to the floor and started brushing the snow off of his shoulders awkwardly looking at the ground. Kyle could swear he saw him blushing though that was probably the effort and cold. 

"That was supposed to be way cooler." He mumbled. He got up and looked at Kyle pausing like he forgot to say something. 

"What do you want so badly that you gotta push your fat ass through my window?" he asked, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrow. 

Cartman glared a little then gestured to him. "You're still wearing that? You spent a day at the hospital you should get that shit off and maybe burn it." He asked ignoring the question. 

Kyle's jaw dropped. What the fuck did he just say? "Excuse me?" 

"Hold on, don't get your Jew panties in a twist. I mean if you want to feel better then shower and get into some comfortable clothes." He held up the bag he brought with him. "I got some medicine… for your back and stuff."

He looked from the bag to Cartman. This was kind of weird and also weirdly sweet? Now he felt like he was blushing and he definitely didn't just trek through snow to climb a window. What the fuck was Cartman on?

Still he put his arms on his knees and shook his head. "I don't want to shower. Then I gotta… you know. Look in the mirror." It was embarrassing to admit that he didn't want to do that. His body just didn't look right to him.

"You should still get changed. Also let's change your sheets to. I can do that part." He didn't even wait for permission before he opened Kyle's bedding drawer picking some out. Of fucking course he would know where that was. Weirdo. 

Kyle rolled his eyes and got up from the bed. Without thinking about it he just walked by Cartman and grabbed some pajamas. He hardly took a few steps before he started changing. 

It wasn't until his pants hit the floor that he realized what he was doing. He was getting undressed in the same room as the person he was just suspecting of plotting his attack. Why the fuck would he do that? 

_ 'Because you don't think he did it.' _

A voice in the back of his mind said. Kyle started changing a little faster. He was just used to switching clothes with his friends in the room, they did it all the time and it never meant anything. He hoped Cartman wasn't being weird and watching him or something. He didn't want to feel like some kind of freak show to be gawked at

When he turned around he was a little surprised to find Cartman wasn't looking at him at all. He had his head down tucking in the corners of his bedsheets in total concentration. Even doing that thing where he stuck his tongue out, he was clearly shit at making beds. Probably because his Mom still did his. 

Kyle started to relax a little. He went over and helped him pull the sheets taunt tucking them in neatly. 

"Sorry, I sort of suck at this." 

Kyle's head snapped up. It was really weird to hear Cartman casually apologize and admit he was doing something wrong. "Uh it's fine. Maybe you should practice by doing your own sometime, fat ass." 

"Ha ha. Fuck you." He flipped him off. 

That was more like it. Kyle smiled to himself. Actually Cartman was right. Changing his clothes and sheets did sort of help. When they were finished he sat on the bed and Cartman sat on the end looking through his bag. 

"I can't fucking believe they didn't even bandage you. What's wrong with that damn hospital? Run by a bunch of bimbo, gossipy chicks is what. Rather get their nasty cunts pounded by the cops than do their fucking jobs." He was pulling out medical tape, gauze, antibiotics, pills and other first aid items laying them out on his bed. 

Kyle had to agree with his frustrations.

"Yeah fuck that nurse that I had. Probably blew her way through med school professors to get a license." He bitched thinking about all the questions she asked and barely wrote down. What a cunt.

Cartman snorted. He looked up at Kyle holding out some spray and bandages then frowned. "Fuck…" 

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "What?" He thought their conversation was going ok actually. 

Cartman looked totally awkward. Blushing, weirdly angry. Conflicting emotions flickered across his face. "You'll have to take your shirt off but… I mean shit you've had like tons of weird people touching you all day." 

Oh. Yeah there was that. Kyle was already reaching for the buttons on his night shirt. He didn't have to feel weird about it. At least he was finally going to get some of this treated. "Don't worry about it. I think I'll live." 

Cartman relaxed a little. "Yeah you will. I saw some broken people who got raped when I was locked up and you're not fucking one of them." He took some gauze and sprayed antiseptics on it. 

Kyle couldn't help but stare at him when he said that. "What?" 

The larger boy shrugged as if he wasn't saying anything significant. "Well you know like someone would come in all fucked up in the head after they got attacked. Cry for days just banging their heads against the walls, cutting up their wrists. They would absolutely lose it. You're not like that." He looked up at him mismatched eyes going straight for his. He actually meant what he was saying. 

"I literally just cried and broke down to you on the phone. I've hardly stopped crying since it happened." 

Cartman shook his head. "Yeah cus you're pissed off! You're not sitting here blaming yourself you're looking for the fucker that did this! It's not like those kids are you know, reacting wrong or whatever… but you're not  _ broken _ like them _.  _ You're an angry little ginger, Jew monster." He was grinning now. 

Kyle couldn't look away from him. How the fuck was he both insulting rape victims and him but also somehow saying exactly what he needed to hear? This was fucked up. It also made him feel strong somehow. 

He pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and scooted closer to Cartman. He looked up at him, if he was going to trust that he had nothing to do with his attack then he might as well tell him his plan. "I wanna kill him." 

There was a weird tension in the air suddenly. He saw Cartman's eyes as they went from mischievous to dark and lingering the moment he said that. It should have been bad. He should have felt scared or disgusted seeing someone look at him like that. Something other than total exhilaration. What the hell sort of reaction was that to a declaration of homicidal thoughts?

"He's going to seriously regret picking you." 

Fuuuuuuuck how did Cartman get away with saying something like that,  _ like that?  _

_ Abort! _

Time to snap the fuck out of this. Kyle broke their eye contact and just nodded. This was a really weird reaction that he had no time to process right now. "Were you going to put that on me or?" 

Cartman blinked a few times clearly having to bring himself back to normal too. "Right. That bite is fucking nasty." He reached out gently cleaning it off with burning alcohol and antibiotic spray. It was strange to feel him being so careful and initiative as he patched him up. 

Where he touched burned but not in an uncomfortable way. When he laid down on his stomach and let Cartman work on his back he hugged his pillow, closed his eyes and relaxed. It really really shouldn't have been this fine having his weird friend-enemy help him like this. 

It was though. Just totally normal. Like they were kids again and he was putting a band-aid on Cartmans fucked up nose he just punched. Or Cartman was handing him an ice pack after he cheap shotted him in the nuts. 

This only felt different because it wasn't their back and forth. Someone had stepped in and fucked up their balance. Someone else came and fucked Kyle up but Cartman was still there silently fixing him. Still upholding his end of their unspoken rules. 

We hurt each other. We fix each other when we're hurt. We don't talk about it. 

Since the balance was broken anyway Kyle thought he might as well break another rule. He was going to talk about it. 

"Why're you here?" He was quiet. This was kind of dangerous territory. Actually questioning their messed up dynamic. 

Cartman's hand stopped moving for just a second but he got right back to cleaning the burn. "Because some fucking idiot branded you and Hell's Pass is the worst hospital in America?" 

Kyle probably should just take that as a hint to not dig too deep but they were already here. Might as well keep pushing. "Fine. But why are  _ you _ here?" 

He heard a slightly irritated noise from Cartman and figured he must be at some type of emotional block. " _ Because. _ I live across the street. You were whining on the phone with me. I've known you since we were fucking toddlers. You didn't get any treatment. AndmaybeIcan'tstandtoseeyoulikethisbecauseIfuckingcare." he said the last part so fast Kyle actually had to stop and work it out in his head. 

He felt his stupid face smile into the pillow. 

Fucking hell. Why was his heart freaking out right now?

"Yeah? Good to know." He said. 

"Shut up." He felt Cartman put a large cloth bandage on him. "You're fucking done, Jew. I'm going to bed." 

The weight shifted dramatically when Cartman got up but Kyle didn't comment on it. 

"Cool. Hey thank-" Kyle was interrupted by the door to his room shutting. It was quiet but he still heard it and Cartman's footsteps as he walked down the stairs. 

He watched his door for a while but he knew he was gone for the night. Cartman wouldn't stick around for anything embarrassing or emotional like that. He left the medical bag with Kyle.

For now the exhaustion was finally starting to hit him. He got up and turned off his light. He went to the window to shut it and watched Cartman, hands in his pockets walking up his driveway to his house. At least he wasn't getting arrested this time.

The wooden window creaked as it locked into place and Kyle went back to bed. His sheets were clean and soft. Cartman had been spot on because Kyle was sure he would have struggled to fall asleep on the same fabric he had laid on the night before. He might as well burn those along with what he had been wearing that night.

One time he heard that every seven years your body sheds so much skin and cells that you’re actually a whole new person by the end. So by the time he would turn twenty three there wouldn’t really be any part of him that guy had touched. He would be a bed with clean sheets.

Twenty three and he would be in college. Maybe out of Colorado. Maybe he’d be in a killer relationship thinking about getting married or something. His mom would definitely like him to go down that good Jewish boy route. Maybe...

He really wished his dreams were as peaceful as his last coherent thoughts before he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have NOTHING prepared for the next chapter. I will plan it out and hopefully have it ready in a day or so. Thanks again for the kudos. 
> 
> I do have a solid ending for this story but if you guys have any suggestions for in-between scenes let me know?


	4. 1000 Unsaid Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle's memories of Cartman blend with the ones he's remembering about his attack. He has to decide for good if he's going to trust his friend or condemn him.
> 
> Photographs are worth 1000 words but they stay unsaid when they lay inside a box in your room for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I managed another Chapter. You guys leaving all the Kudos are so cool! I am really flattered. The plot is flushing out pretty good. I feel a lot more confident now so I'll keep working on this story. 
> 
> Oh also Thanks to an awesome reader I know how to edit on AO3 now! Yay! Thank you darling ;3

Kyle

Lights flash. Over and over again. The sound of a camera lens adjusting. A professional one. He's heard that sound before...

_ "Hey Khal! Check out what my mom got me for Christmas! You can't touch it though because it's a Christmas gift and you're a Jew!" Tiny Cartman, the little round faced boy who tormented and hung out with him all the time came running across the street yelling.  _

_ "Fuck off Cartman! I don't want your dumb gift anyway." Kyle yelled before he could even tell what it was he was flaunting this time. _

_ Snap. Flash.  _

_ "Haha! Check it out you look so pissed!" He held up the camera from around his neck. An expensive digital one with a large lens.  _

_ "Shut up!" Kyle screamed, he still curiously came over to look at the preview in the screen. "Hey, let's go get our hero costumes and use your camera to take pictures. We can ask Wendy to Photoshop us into movie posters!"  _

_ "Ok but you gotta pay me! I'm a professional now." Cartman smirked holding up the camera and sticking his tongue out as he angled for another picture. _

Another flash. Sharp and closer this time. There's a weight on him and the bright flashes seem so close to his face. The childhood memory faded into a more recent one. Even more diluted than the one from years ago. Where he's in the back of his car, the seats pulled back as far as they could go. It's hard to move and he can't feel his legs. It's dark, everything around him is fuzzy, something feels like it's crushing his chest. 

Flash. Snap and the zooming sound of the lens. 

Kyle groaned trying to hide from the sharp sounds and too bright light. He tried to cover his face but rough hands pulled his arms away. It was getting hard to breath.

"Don't be like that. Why don't you strike a pose for me huh?" 

The voice made his eyes snap open suddenly. He sat up in bed pulling the covers over himself desperate to shield his body from someone who wasn't even there. Cold sweat gathered at his neck. Kyle was breathing heavy, trying to suck in as much oxygen as he could. He could almost still feel the weight on his chest. Despite his shaking in fear his face was twisted in anger. 

"THAT FUCKER!" 

Kyle threw his blanket off and tried to jump up from his bed. He found by the first step that in his sleep all the nerves in his body decided to wake up again so the moment his bare foot touched the wooden floor a sharp pain shot up his back.

"AH! SHIT!" He yelled out taking a few quick, painful, stumbling steps forward until he hit his door. He braced himself against it and groaned. 

He was too angry to stop and rationalize. He gritted his teeth and pushed through the pain. The door to his room was thrown open and he went stomping down the stairs thankful that it was too early even for his parents to be up. 

The sun was hardly coming up past the mountains so the town was still shaded in early morning white light. That dull lighting that couldn't even cast a shadow. He opened his front door with purpose, he didn't even think to put on shoes. Bare feet stepped into the few inches of powdered snow and Kyle ignored the way the cold burned into the soles of his feet. He awkwardly half jogged across the street. 

Kyle wanted to run but there was way too much pain for that. The rage drove him forward and he stumbled into Cartman's front door banging on it once. He flinched and pulled his hand back. 

_ God fucking damn it _ . He forgot he punched his stupid door yesterday. 

He used his other uninjured hand and started pounding on the door. He wasn't sure how long he had to keep at it but eventually it opened and Liane Cartman was standing there in her nightgown. 

"Kyle? Sweetie, should you be out like that?" Her soft voice was fret with worry.

Kyle hardly looked at her, he kept glancing over her shoulder trying to find that treacherous, lying bastard he called a friend. "Sorry Ms. Cartman but I need to go upstairs." 

"Um, well I'm not sure he's awake ye-" 

He pushed past her and went straight for the stairs wincing when he took the first step. Before he even got three steps up Cartman appeared at the top blinking down at him wearing nothing but a t-shirt and boxers. 

He looked exhausted, still trying to comprehend the world around him. Soft brown hair a tousled mess atop his head. "Kyle?... what.." 

The angry ginger bit his cheek through the pain and stomped up the stairs squeezing past his so called friend. "I need your fucking camera!" 

Cartman instantly seemed more awake "What? What camera? Which camera? I have a few cameras. What the hell is going on, Kyle?" Finally he was taking in the kind of state Kyle was in and it wasn't great. He was following closely after him as he started rummaging through his room. 

"Eh! Could you fucking stop for a second!" 

Kyle was digging through his drawers and opening up his closet. "No! That sick FUCK was taking pictures of me and I fucking know it was YOUR camera!" 

Cartman stalled and blinked. Kyle looked at him as his face contorted into confused anger. He pinched the bridge of his nose "Are you fucking serious?" The tired teen went to his bed pulling a flat tote out from under it, popping open the top. 

Inside were about four camera cases, neatly organized and stored with photo albums and small boxes that contained stacks of pictures. It was probably the most organized thing in his room. 

"Which one?" 

Kyle stopped. He looked at the cases and there was a sudden realization that he just stomped over here probably hurting himself because he dreamed about the sound of a camera. Past the groggy rage reality hit him like a freight train. Fuck, this might be an embarrassing mistake. 

As his irrational anger slowly drained out of him his knees finally buckled and he fell to the floor. His busted up body not able to keep up with his aggressive impulses. 

Cartman darted forward as if to help but he stalled and didn't reach out to touch him. He actually looked kinda pissed. 

Kyle kept staring at the cameras and felt his chest getting tight with shame and anxiety. Now that his brain was starting to clearly wake up he knew this wasn't going to go over well. "The one from when we were like ten and you got it for Christmas?" 

Cartman almost scoffed. Yeah he was definitely pissed. He turned around and pulled out a case, the most worn looking one he had. He unzipped it and pulled out a small, black, shiny camera with a thick lens and pop up light. The same one from his dream but this one had a crack down the middle and the glass eye was busted. 

Shit. 

Kyle looked down at the floor. 

"You mean the one  _ you  _ broke when we were thirteen?" He asked not even bothering to hide the irritation. 

Kyle winced. "Yep. That one." 

Cartman rolled his eyes and got up. He tossed a blue blanket over Kyle and put the camera back in it's case. "You walked over here without any fucking shoes on. In December. So you could prove it was me. Even after I told you it wasn't like six hours ago." 

Yeah he certainly did that. 

Kyle knew he needed to say something. Remembering that the guy took pictures of him really wasn't a valid reason to suddenly start blaming Cartman again. Especially after their talk last night. 

For Cartman this was probably pretty telling. 

There still wasn't any trust between them. Even if Kyle really wanted it to be there. 

The silence in the room was deafening.

Cartman wasn't looking at him. He was staring off clearly deep in thought. There was an agonizingly long pause before he spoke again.

"It might be best if I just looked into this on my own. Kenny and Stan can support you in person." He said, stern and serious.

Kyle's heart sank. He wanted to say that that wasn't what he wanted but it was a such reflex for him to come back with something just as hurtful to say. "Well who the fuck says I want you to keep investigating?" 

Those stupid clinical eyes where on him again and he held strong just glaring back. "You can't stop me. Fucking believe whatever you want. I don't care. At this point it looks like I just need to prove it wasn't me. Since everyone clearly thinks I'm a rapist." 

That felt like a slap in the face. Kyle opened his mouth and shook his head. "I never called you that!" 

Cartman stood up and threw his hands in the air. "YES-YES YOU FUCKING DID KYLE!" he gestured to him sitting there on his floor. "You all but risked losing your fucking toes to come in here and catch me in the fucking act! So what if you think I hired or bribed this guy to do it? The fact is when you think about  _ him _ I'm the fucking face you see right?! Tch. I mean clearly it doesn't matter how I try to help here. You just really think it's me!" 

That wasn't necessarily true. Kyle had a distinctive face, voice and body that haunted his blended memories from that night. And they certainly weren't Cartman. When it came to placing blame however he overlooked all of that to point his finger at the person he always found guilty.

Kyle couldn't even say this was the first time he assumed someone doing something terrible just had to be Cartman. Despite not having any evidence. Or even having evidence that it wasn't.

The real truth was he  _ hoped _ it was him because Cartman was a convenient person to blame. If it was him then it was easy to solve the issue. He knew how to handle Cartman but a worse, whole new psycho was something out of his control. 

Kyle couldn't think of how to say any if that though so he just stared, guiltily at him.

"I fucking knew it. Get the hell out of my room Jew!" He screamed and god that was real hurt in his voice wasn't it? 

Kyle didn't get up. Partly because he wasn't too sure he could stand and he was definitely not done with this conversation. 

"No! Screw  _ you _ ! I gotta say something to you and I need a second to convey my thoughts alright!" 

Cartman was practically boiling over with frustration. "I could pretty easily toss your skinny ass out of here!" 

Kyle narrowed his eyes. "Do it then." He was sure if Cartman really wanted to he could probably drag him out. 

The brunette paused when Kyle called his bluff and looked him over, wide eyed. It seemed like he was thinking about it. He gritted his teeth and pulled at his hair when he seemingly came to the conclusion that he wouldn't. "I'M GOING TO THE KITCHEN! IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT THIS EARLY I NEED COFFEE." 

"FINE! I WANT A CUP TO!" 

"FUCK YOUR CUP!" Cartman screamed back at him, maneuvering around his body that was blocking the door to go downstairs. 

Kyle just sat there after he left. He felt like a kid throwing a tantrum sitting on the floor like that. With a blanket draped over his head, crossing his arms and pouting because he hated being wrong. He pulled the soft blue material down and draped it over his legs to warm his feet since he was an idiot who thought walking through snow without shoes would be a good idea. 

It wasn't until it was in his lap that he noticed exactly what Cartman had so casually tossed over him. A baby blue throw blanket that used to reside at the end of his own bed. At least it did almost seven years ago before he used it to cover up Cartman when he unchained him and carried him to bed one crazy Easter. 

What a weird fucking memory. 

He found himself smiling and rubbing his fingers against the soft dyed wool. Cartman looked so stupid in that bunny suit, covered head to toe in pigs blood. Chained up and freezing his ass off from the cold, spring night air. All because he thought it would be funny to make up a ridiculous creature to piss Kyle off. 

Until he actually made everyone believe in it… including himself. Thinking back that was probably a major sign there wasn't something quite right going on with him. Most people don't start believing in things they made up. Let alone start fearing them. 

Being reminded of Cartman's schizophrenia made him feel even worse about wanting to blame him. Like he was hoping he could just pass all this shit off as his crazy friend being crazy. It would be so convenient if this was just another one of their childhood adventures. 

Oh, Cartman! Always with the lying, scheming and being a total asshole. Well! See you tomorrow at the bus stop! 

Then he could just go about his day and forget about it all. Just like when he was a kid.

Only he wasn't a kid anymore and this wasn't some dumb scheme. 

He still wasn't sure what he was going to say. If he should apologize or just take Cartman up on his offer and avoid him until this shit was settled. He definitely couldn't keep sea sawing between being happy he was there to help and scared he might be behind the whole thing.

_ You don't really think this was him. You're just lashing out and you're used to Cartman being a good punching bag. _ He thought. 

Kyle felt like a jerk for thinking it but it was probably true. He knew that memory of the camera was important but he didn't think about that. His first thoughts were how angry and excited he was to get to just rush over here and scream at Cartman and have some god damn familiarity over a shitty situation. Even if it wasn't his fault and he hadn't done anything but help this whole time. 

_ Oh God damn it. Now I'm the power hunger asshole. _

Kyle tried to shake that thought away and noticed the still open tote Cartman forgot to put up. He braced himself and awkwardly shuffled over to it. His back hurt and his thighs ached from the effort but he was curious and he wanted to stop thinking about how he was probably being the abusive jerk this time. 

Cartman was very selective about the pictures he showed off. He would guard his albums and only really showed the unflattering ones to fuck with them. Even though he must have had more since he'd been carrying a camera around with him almost everyday since they were ten. Constantly taking pictures without permission. It was really annoying. 

He looked at the frayed and torn up case of the camera he had come here to find and reached his hand into one of the boxes next to it, pulling out a random handful of pictures. A small stack of little square moments caught in time. He turned them over in his hand seeing the dates on their backs. 

_ Summer. June 201X.  _

Three years ago. 

He kind of remembered that summer. The four of them went camping together for two weeks and Cartman had been driving him crazy the whole time. Pushing him into the lake from the diving cliffs, changing the s'mores ingredients at the last second to all sugar ones so he couldn't have any, dragging his air mattress out onto the lake while he was sleeping on it and not to mention all his 'ghost stories' were anti Jewish conspiracy theories. 

He had been really really pushing his luck the whole trip. Basically ruined the whole thing for Kyle. 

These pictures told a whole different story. Each image a smiling happy boy enjoying a summer of fun and wholesome misadventures in the woods with their best friends. 

Stan jumping into the lake. Sitting at the fire covered in chocolate because he was a traitor and decided to eat some s'mores instead of standing in solidarity with him. Waving a roman candle around and chasing Kenny with it. Holding up a huge, fallen tree branch thing to show off. 

Kenny with his coat tied around his waist sitting on a large rock, he was bruised on his upper arms because this was taken before his growth spurt when his dad was still taller than him. Patches of bandages littered his freckled skin but he was smiling so wide at the camera showing off that signature gap toothed grin. He looked unashamedly happy. In another one he was in the water, shaking his hair like a wet dog, the droplets flying like a halo around him. Broken sunglasses sitting crooked on his face while he flipped the camera off. 

Kyle was confused to find that over half the pictures were actually of _him_ and they were some of the best ones he'd ever seen. He clearly didn't notice Cartman taking most of them, he hardly looked at the camera. If he was, he was glaring and it threw the whole thing off. 

Kyle standing at the cliffs looking out at the view, his hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. The color of his eyes melded into the background of summer trees. That was probably right before Cartman pushed him in. 

Kyle in the light of a firework smiling and throwing his arm over Stan. Him sitting on the lakeside in the morning when there was fog over the water. He had no idea Cartman was even up that early. Most were just shots of him talking with Stan or Kenny, normal little moments from a summer he supposedly had hardly any good memories of. 

There was one though that he couldn't quite look away from. A sunset snapshot. He must have been sitting next to Cartman by the lake but he couldn't really remember the moment. It was the only one where he was looking at him and didn't seem pissed off. He didn't really have an expression he was just looking, head tilted to the side totally oblivious to the way his hair was basically glowing, catching the last rays of light the same way the water did. His eyes shining and his summer freckles complimenting the stairs that were just starting to come out in the background of the sky. 

Kyle had a hard time believing that was even him. He was pretty sure he'd never actually looked that beautiful intentionally. It was startling to think Cartman happened to notice and felt the need to steal that image forever. Hide it in a box and never tell him about it.

There weren't any pictures of Cartman. Not one of them had offered to use his camera to take any shots of him. It was just the things he saw. 

There was one thing he could remember pretty clearly about that trip: On the last day Kyle yanked the thing from around Cartman's neck, breaking the strap and he smashed it against a rock. He couldn't remember what the obnoxious boy said that set him off but all that teasing came to a head in that moment and he snapped. 

They didn't speak again until the first day of school. 

"Ugh. How does someone so short pack so much annoying in them before the sun is even up?" Cartman said, making Kyle jump. 

He was standing in the doorway looking at him with the photos in his hands calmly taking sips of coffee from a mug that had OCK on it and. The handle was the C. 

Kyle tossed him an irritated glance "I'm not fucking short. I happen to have tall friends."

"And I'm not fat. I'm big boned." He deadpanned back.

Cartman walked in and sat a mug down next to Kyle. This one had UNT on it. Great. At least it was filled with coffee. Black, but he could deal with that. 

He started putting the pictures away not daring to hold any liquid near them. Especially hot coffee. He only kept one out. 

Cartman looked at the photo he put off to the side and then to Kyle. He clearly looked a little embarrassed but seemed too tired to deal with it. "Mind not going through my shit? You're like a ginger tornado of not minding your own business." 

"Well. It is a picture of me." He said holding it up. He couldn't keep the grin off his face. "How come I've never seen it?" 

He watched Cartman swallow nervously and sit his mug down on the nightstand. "Could you decide if you're pissed off at me or not? Your bipolar opinions of me are to stupid to keep up with. Either you think I'm a lunatic or you're joking around with me so make up your fucking mind." 

That was fair. Even if he was totally avoiding the other question. Kyle had been hot and cold about Cartman since this whole thing started. 

"Ughhh. It's really hard, ok! Trusting you, not trusting you… I mean fuck if you were in my position what would you do?" He asked earnestly. Kyle had a desperate look on his face when he asked, there was such a mixed batch of memories with them. Some good, a lot bad but mostly there were the times in between. When they were just friends in a group existing together.

Relying on the past was too convoluted. Who Cartman was now was too confusing. So what was he supposed to go off of to make up his mind?

Cartman looked kind of shocked at the question. "You're asking the paranoid schizophrenic? Fuck, honestly I wouldn't have trusted anyone enough to tell them at all. Then eventually when I failed to find the guy because I had no fucking support and the attack set off my symptoms I'd probably toss my ass off the freeway bridge and make love to the pavement." 

Kyle glared at him. "That's not funny." 

"It wasn't meant to be, Khal." He almost mocked back. "Besides it's not comparable. People  _ actually _ give a shit about you. Maybe if you started insisting you wanted to help me I'd be suspicious at first but…" he grumbled and trailed off. 

Kyle wanted to say he gave a shit. That he actually did care despite everything. It felt unlikely that Cartman would believe him though. He thought about how there were no smiling summer photographs of Cartman on their camping trip. Just a broken camera and beautiful pictures he never shared. That was the evidence he had that his friends couldn't be trusted to care about him.

He figured if he looked through Cartman's memories he'd find a lot more reasons he believed his friends didn't actually care. 

Great so they were all just really bad at sharing their true feelings. Ugh what dumb My Little Pony lesson was this? Kyle couldn't even think of a way he could prove he didn't  actually  hate him. 

Cartman was probably in the same boat. Doing nice things now and feeling like he had nothing to back up why.

Oh... there was one thing he had.

Kyle shakily started to stand up. His thighs ached and his back hurt but he managed to take a few steps to sit on the bed next to Cartman. He braced himself on the bedpost and reached down for the blue blanket tossing it over the larger boy.

"Do you remember where you got this?" 

He pulled the wool down so it stopped covering his face and looked irritated. "Uh my mom probably? I've had it forever. Why?" 

Kyle took a breath and leaned back on the bed. It was soft so his back didn't feel as shitty anymore. He looked up at Cartman's ceiling and let a small smile slip. If he was going to be all open and emotional he might as well roll with it. 

"You haven't had it forever. I left it with you after I unchained you on Easter and brought you back here. I took it cus I figured you would be cold out there and even though you were driving me nuts and trying to piss me off with your whole jewpacabra thing I didn't want you to get hurt. I really genuinely cared. Enough to drag you back home in that fucking bunny suit all covered in blood and make sure you got to bed." he explained turning his head over to catch sight of 

a very shocked looking Cartman. 

His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were darting over Kyle clearly trying to find the joke. The hint that he was pulling his leg. 

"I actually cared then and if what happened to me happened to you I would care. I'd be pissed and I'd want to hurt whoever hurt you." He felt like he was doing a pretty shitty job at being emotionally vulnerable. His tone sounded stiff and he was trying hard not to cringe at himself. It was still the truth though.

"So yeah…" 

Cartman closed his mouth and looked down at the blanket then back to Kyle. He did that a few more times his brow creased as he tried to grasp what he just told him. It was actually kind of cute when he got all confused like that. 

What. Fuck. No it's not. 

Kyle stopped his stupid wandering thoughts again. They were getting pretty bad lately. 

"Heh… ha.. haha Oh my God." Cartman broke into a full blown grin. He tried to cover it a bit but then he was snickering and fighting back the laughter. "Y-You sneaky jew!" He clearly couldn't hold back anymore and he snorted between his fingers bursting into a deep chested laugh. Tearing up and everything. 

Kyle was kind of stunned. He forgot Cartman could even laugh like that, it had been a damn good while. The sound did real fucked up things to his heart.

_ Now he really looks cute.  _

Oh fuck you brain. He's not cute, he's ridiculous! Kyle thought but the more he looked at him the more he struggled to contain his own laughter. 

Eventually they were both cackling on his bed. Every time they looked at each other it made it worse. 

"HAHAHA ow… fuck ow...haha… stop damn it! You're killing me!" He weakly pushed Cartman's arm. 

"PFFTHAHAH! I just… I can't stop thinking about you just… just getting up and being like: 'Ugh I guess I should go get him now'. HAHAHA!" He snorted again and leaned his face into the mattress to stifle the sounds. 

"HA! Th-That's exactly how it was! I swear!" Kyle wiped the tears in his eyes and felt his face starting to hurt from smiling to hard. "N-Now shut up. I was trying to bond and stuff!" 

Cartman took a few breaths to calm himself down. He shook his head and covered his face with his hands. "Oh my god. That's gotta be the most uncool thing to ever happen to me. Fuck." 

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You've definitely done way less cool things. You're definition of cool is sideways as fuck." 

"Screw you." Cartman said half heartedly. 

Now that they had come down from that weird high Kyle cleared his throat. "Those pictures you took are really cool though. I feel pretty shitty about your camera. I never apologized for that." 

The messy haired teen rolled his eyes and shrugged. "It's whatever… I have way better ones now I mean that model's lens was always…" the smile faded from his face suddenly and he stared straight ahead at the wall. 

Kyle cocked his head to the side and frowned at him. "Cartman?" 

"I'm so fucking stupid." He got up suddenly and went to the tote taking out his old camera. 

"You come over here remembering the guy was talking pictures of you with a camera that sounded like my mine and I just fucking overlooked that!"

Kyle used his elbows to lift himself up halfway and watch his slightly manic friend. "What?" 

He was smirking now, that devilish look back on his face. His eyes were bright with that same glint that ment someone was about to have a hell of a day. "My mom couldn't just  _ get _ me a four hundred dollar camera, Kyle. That's why my new ones are resale classics. Also I really like old cameras but that's not important!" He opened the battery slot to the broken one and pushed it into Kyle's hands. 

"She got it from the  _ officer _ she was dating back then. It's a South Park Police Department evidence camera!" 

Inside the plastic back of the battery slot was a worn half peeling label: SPPD Property. 

"Holy shit dude…" Kyle smiled from ear to ear. Without thinking he dove forward and wrapped his arms around Cartman's shoulders. He basically fell into his lap and squeezed him into a tight hug. Cartman was super soft. Kyle could basically just sit on his thighs and squish into him, even if his long limbs draped around him awkwardly. 

"This is awesome! I mean they have to like, log out those cameras right? This fucker basically signed his own death warrant!" Kyle pulled back but couldn't just get up from his friend's lap so easily with his legs being so damn useless. They were really close. He tried not to let it get to him, it wasn't like it had to be weird or anything he hugged Stan all the time. Hell they cuddled and shit. 

For some reason Kyle got the feeling this was different somehow. Maybe it was the way Cartman looked stunned beyond belief and his face lit up like a Christmas tree. The way he couldn't stop looking at him as if he could possibly disappear without his total focus. Like a mirage. "Yup! I'm totally gonna pour hot oil down his urethra, it's gonna be pretty sweet you should totally watch." His voice was way more high pitched than normal. 

"Heh. Ok?" Kyle chuckled thinking that sounded kind of weird but honestly exactly what that fuck deserved. Leave it to Cartman to think of the fucked up, creative torture techniques. "It's a date." 

Why the  _ FUCK _ he would say that is beyond him. Especially with that tone. It was really hard to mentally block out that. 

Now he was blushing and still in Cartmans lap, half hugging him and they were just staring at each other. Cartman's jaw had hit the floor at some point.

"CARTMAN! CARTMAN DUDE DID YOU SEE THE NEWS?!" 

Both boys jumped and turned their heads when Kenny came crashing into Cartman's room. He slid inside and tumbled to the floor. As soon as he saw them in their admittedly very compromising position everything stopped and the three of them were deadlocked in silent stares. 

"Oh shit." Kenny whispered looking in total disbelief.

Cartman jumped up first, he picked Kyle up and practically tossed him onto the bed away from him before turning on Kenny. "WHY IS  _ EVERYONE _ IN MY HOUSE THIS FUCKING EARLY?!" 

Kyle was on his back after hitting the mattress. He was far to fucking embarrassed to look at anything but the ceiling as his brain stupidly pushed  _ Did Cartman just fucking pick me up? Since when could he do that? _ To the front of his mental priorities. 

"Uh. Okay  _ that _ aside... you guys have got to turn on the news! They found a kid's body!" 

* * *

Cartman

  
  


Since Cartman had come to terms with his massive crush on Kyle Broflovski he had mostly gotten used to their hot and cold relationship. Some days he would piss Kyle off to no end and they would fight and argue for hours. Other times they'd work on a school project or play video games and be totally chill. 

He was used to the chronic chaos that was their relationship. It was normal.

Except for the last eight hours of it. He was absolutely not prepared for any of that. 

Especially all the shit that happened after he got back from the hospital. The message Kyle sent him that turned his blood to ice and made him into a blubbering baby trying to prove he was innocent. Climbing through Kyle's window and helping him the wounds no one had bothered to patch up yet. 

That really pissed him off. Seeing Kyle's marked up body was like a trigger for blind rage but he had to keep his cool and just cover what he could. He would heal and he would scar but he was still Kyle.

Cartman still got to sit on the end of his bed and touch his back and notice how nice the curve was and how his shoulders were nicely defined and how he was pushing his face into his pillow and it was really fucking cute and they  _ talked _ . Kyle asked him why he was there like it wasn't obvious. 

It wasn't like he could say " _ It's because I think you're the coolest person I've ever known and everything you do makes me insane so I just make a fool of myself every day so you'll pay attention to me. It's really fucking hard for me to care about people but you're the person I care about most and that really really means something." _ Because that would be stupid and gay as hell. 

He did kind of quickly mention that he cared which was already bad enough. 

After he did what first aid he could he really couldn't stay there any longer. Kyle needed to sleep and Cartman was afraid if he stuck around he might let something slip. Something he wasn't ready to say. Things that didn't need to be said while everyone was dealing with all of this.

He bolted the first chance he got. 

Coming back home he stayed up for a while longer doing research and listening to Kyle's recording of what happened to him. Making notes of important details. He basically knew it by memory now. It was difficult to imagine what it must have been like for Kyle, but he  _ could _ imagine all the horrible things he was going to do to that bastard as soon as he had him. 

Eventually Cartman fell asleep at his desk. He was sure he was only out for about two hours before an insistent knocking frown downstairs woke him up. 

Kyle rushing into his room all crazy angry again was so fucking frustrating. He thought they had cleared their issues up but no. For a second he stupidly let himself forget that Kyle HATED him and therefore naturally found him guilty of everything. 

He wished it was as easy as just being angry with Kyle but it wasn't just that. He was also pissed off at himself for always letting how he felt about the ginger cloud his judgement. It really wasn't fair. 

But like the unpredictable storm Kyle could be sometimes the anger he arrived with disappeared somewhere in the middle of their argument. He went from hazardously furious to admitting he cared a lot more about Cartman than the brunette ever dared hope.

The thing about where his favorite comfort blanket had actually come from really threw him off. He could  _ never  _ let Kyle know he used that when he was having episodes. When the voices got loud and the skeletons in his closet were more real than metaphorical. 

In the end Cartman would take Kyle's unbridled fury every morning if it ended up with him jumping into his lap like just did now. That made all the other shit worth it. He was hugging him and wow his weight felt really awesome like that and holy shit his face is so close. 

Kyle's dumb beautiful face was about four inches from him and for a second Cartman wondered if maybe this was all in his head. Maybe this wasn't even really Kyle and he was spiraling into a very bad psychotic episode. That would explain why this Kyle would say something that sounded so damn dangerously close to flirting. 

If this was just a hallucination he'd happily flush the rest of his meds forever to keep it. 

_ Maybe I should say something other than my plans for torture? Like by the way you're fucking gorgeous and you should totally consider having my gay adopted babies.  _

"CARTMAN! CARTMAN DUDE DID YOU SEE THE NEWS?!"

Cartman nearly jumped out of his fucking skin when he heard Kenny call his name. The clumsy peasant came barging into his room sliding across the floor. He looked like he went into shock when he saw what probably seemed like a hallucination to him too: Kyle Broflovski practically straddling his worst enemy on his floor. 

Kenny and him locked eyes and Cartman could already see his perverted brain coming to the WRONG conclusion. "Oh shit." 

Cartman didn't think, he just lifted Kyle up and dropped him on his bed, getting him as far away from his body that he safely could. 

"WHY IS  _ EVERYONE _ IN MY HOUSE THIS FUCKING EARLY?!" He screamed. 

Kenny's eyes went between him and Kyle and he gave Cartman a look that clearly said  _ Bitch, we are gonna talk about this later. _

"Uh. Okay  _ that _ aside... you guys have got to turn on the news! They found a kid's body!"

Cartman made a face and put his hands up. "Who fucking cares?!" 

Kyle was sitting up instantly. "What kid?" 

Kenny reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out starting to pull the news up. "You'll care when you see how they found him." 

He held out his slightly busted old iPhone as it struggled to the play the news clip. 

_ "A Colorado teenager was found naked and deceased at the steps of a Synagogue in North Park this morning. Initial reports say the fifteen year old showed signs of sexual assault and battery."  _ A blonde haired big breasted news anchor said with feigned sympathy.  _ "We are tuning in with Tom at the scene."  _

The feed cut to the front of a Synagogue surrounded by cops. Yellow tape webbing the front doors and just in view was a grieving mother screaming and holding onto her husband for dear life. He looked like a statue in a storm, unmoving amid the chaos around him. Clearly in shock. 

Cartman cast a glance over to Kyle. His big green eyes which a moment ago were filled with so much hope over flowed with an immeasurable fear. He didn't move, just sat there frozen, kneeling on Cartman's bed completely tuned into the tiny cracked screen. 

This was bad. They could both see where this was headed and it complicated everything. 

_ "Yes Tammy it's a heartbreaking sight here. Young Adam Fein, a freshman at North Park High School was discovered dead this morning at five thirty am at this local Synagogue. Reports say he attended with his family regularly. He was found without clothes, beaten and a Star of David branded on his chest."  _ Tom had that same overly fake sad voice. It grated Cartman's ears.

Cartman felt his whole body freeze up when Kyle let out a strangled kind of whine. The horror stricken teen was holding the front of his shirt, his hands shaking. He realized Kyle was probably feeling a lot worse about this than him, he had a kinship with this dead kid that Cartman couldn't even begin to comprehend. That made his chest feel tight. He couldn't stand the pained look on his freind's face. Then it really settled in his mind: That kid could have just as easily been Kyle. He felt sick. 

_ "His mother who identified the remains claims to have never seen the mark before. However North Park Police are attributing it to a new fad among Jewish boys who go out seeking services from men in exchange for money."  _

That was not the best thing Tom the news anchor could have said. Kyle punched Cartman's mattress and winced. He pulled his hand back and held it to his chest. "FUCK THEM THEY KNOW IT'S NOT THAT!" 

When did Kyle fuck up his hand?

"So even the North Park Police are involved. What the hell is going on here?" Cartman said, getting a little nervous. He really didn't expect this guy to jump from rape to murder so quickly. It wasn't the typical way a psycho like him developed. 

He thought about Kyle's tape. How he said the guy insisted Kyle was lucky because he was going to live. Cartman assumed now that this fucker must have already had his victims picked out, including the ones that weren't going to live. He was probably stalking them too. Kyle and this other kid couldn't be the only ones he had in his sights. 

" _ The cause of death is said to have been a gunshot wound to the back of the head. Police can't be sure what type of gun was used until they run ballistics. So far they are telling the public this was a crime of passion gone wrong and not to worry."  _

Kyle shook his head. "Just fucking turn it off. I can't listen to that shit anymore." 

Kenny gave Kyle a sympathetic look and turned the phone off, putting it back in his pocket. 

"Sorry, Kyle. This guy's really stepping up his game fast. We need to get Stan and start looking into this shit. I read the discord, if it's a cop then I bet he used his own gun. Cops always do that kinda shit." Kenny said. He gave Cartman a look. 

Cartman figured Kenny was thinking the same as him. Cops were hard to pin for crime especially if they were working with other precincts. It was weird this guy could have so much pull already. Kyle said he was young so he couldn't be more than a rookie if he was working for them. Why would everyone be backing him up so much? 

"The cops are doing more than covering it up, they're making it easier for him. Normally a crime like this would freak a small community like er…" he looked awkwardly at Kyle. "Jewish people in Colorado." 

Kyle gave him a flat stare. "You don't have to say it like that. We are Jewish people in Colorado. It  _ is _ a small community." He rolled eyes. 

"Fine. Forgive me for trying to be PC about it. Anyway it would normally make them really paranoid right? But they're making their victims out to be sluts and outliers. Jewish parents are just going to check for the brand and if their kid doesn't have it they'll trust them to go out. Because their sweet little Jacob or whatever isn't a gay slut so he's not in any danger." Cartman explained. 

He put his hand up to his chin. He needed a way to combat that. Some way to get the word out to the Jewish families around their cluster of small towns to be careful. Especially the high school boys. 

He snapped his fingers and looked back up to his two friends who were watching him expectantly. "I think we need some extra hands in this." He turned to Kyle trying for a gentle look. He wasn't sure how he was going to react to what he had to say. "Are you up for telling a few other people about this?" 

Kyle met his eyes then looked away, rubbing his arm. "Not… really…" he creased his brow thinking about it. The way the worry worked his face made Cartman feel things he wasn't used to. Like worry and ugh he wasn't sure about the word. The thing that makes you want to scoop someone up in your arms and kill anyone who looks at them wrong? 

"How many people?" He asked quietly.

"For now just two. I promise." He said it softly. He didn't want to pressure him but if they could get some back up then it would lessen the load.

Kyle shifted on the bed "You have a plan?" 

"About half of one right now but I think it will work." 

He signed and moved his wrist around testing out his hand. "Ok." Kyle looked back up at Cartman and gave him a small smile. "I trust you." 

Holy fuck. Was that actually a choir chorus singing in the background or had he forgotten to take his meds this morning? Probably both. Cartman felt like he was on cloud nine. 

He had no idea having Kyle smile and say he trusted him could make him feel like his chest had bloomed open and explode rainbows. Fucking sweet. 

He caught Kenny grinning and watching the two of them. He kept looking back at Cartman and slightly nodding. He was definitely going to make him talk about this later. 

"So who's joining the squad?" Kenny asked. 

"Butters first off. It's always useful to have a scape goat around just in case." He teased, smirking at Kenny. Payback bitch. 

Kenny glared at him. Ah it seemed he struck a nerve. He was simping so hard. "You're not putting Butters in danger Cartman." 

He wave him off. "I'm fucking with you but we  _ do _ need him." 

"Okay, and who else?" Kyle muttered. He could see him struggling with the pain as forced himself to get up from Cartman's bed. 

This was the part the brunette was dreading the most. He scowled like he was about to take a shot of vinegar. 

"Wendy Testaburger." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol. Lets bust out our favorite feminist. 
> 
> I am working on chap 5 right now so I think I can get it out by this weekend. 
> 
> Comments are really welcome and again ideas are always appreciated. The story's middle scenes are very open. 
> 
> Also yeah I do know who the killer is. He is a character not an OC.


	5. Boy in the Doghouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny gives Cartman some relationship advice but who is he to do that when his own relationship is so fucking complicated? 
> 
> Kyle's drug results are in. Also I have bras more supportive than his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I wasn't really sure about this chapter. It's a LOT of emotional filler and not very plot heavy. I wanted to get into Kenny and Butters and what's going on with them also what's Kyle's complicated relationship with his parents like. 
> 
> I really wanted to be finished with this one by last Sunday but on Saturday night while I was cooking I actually burnt the side of my left hand and my right wrist really badly with some hot oil. I mean like my skin peeled off kind of bad. But I'll be ok! 
> 
> This chapter ran kinda long and again its emotional and doesn't really go into the plot much so I'm not sure how you guys will take it. 
> 
> Oh also there is a past character death in this that isnt Kenny and mentions of possible suicide so TRIGGER WARNING. Please read cautiously. There's no descriptive details.

Cartman

  
  


"Mom! We're gonna borrow the car!" 

Liane poked her head out of the kitchen and smiled at the three boys descending the stairs. Her face was still young and beautiful even with the small age lines starting to show up at the corner of her eyes. "Ok, honey! Make sure you take your medication and remember your appointment tomorrow!" 

Cartman groaned. "Might be a little too busy for that!"

Like he could really waste his time sitting in a chair talking about his insecurities and delusions for an hour while there was a killer running around? Get real. He could hardly stand waiting for Butters to get his ass over here and drive them to Stan's. 

His mother tilted her head, brow frowning. "Honey, you know it's mandatory until you turn eighteen and she'll come knocking on our door threatening to report you again if you don't go see her." 

The teen paused, his lip curling up as he was reminded what a short leash his therapist had him on. "Fuck... Yeah ok! I'll be back for it." He called back to her. 

Liane smiled. "Okay baby I'm proud of you!" 

Behind him Kyle snorted. "Your therapist is holding you hostage?" He held onto the rail tightly and took smaller steps. It was clear he was trying to be strong but Cartman was watching carefully. Any sign he was in too much pain to be out with them and he'd carry the ginger back to his room himself, he didn't care how much he bitched.

Cartman opened his front door and waited for Kyle and Kenny to walk out. "Dude my therapist is a fucking psycho. The last time I ditched she told me she'd print out my file on billboards in Denver if I ever skipped a session with her again. She goddamn ment it too." 

Kenny laughed as he walked through the door. "Ha! That's awesome. You should totally ghost her. I wanna tour through Denver and read about your tiny penis insecurities." 

"Fuck off, Kenny!" Cartman screeched slamming his front door and glaring at the back of the blonde's head.

Out of the corner of his eye Cartman watched as Kyle nearly tripped up when he made it to the first step on the porch. Cartman had given him some shoes to borrow and they were at least two sizes too big. He had offered to carry him at first but Kyle just flipped him off thinking he was joking. He absolutely  _ wasn't _ even if his tone was probably mocking when he asked. 

The brunette quickly reached out and grabbed the back of the red plaid overcoat he insisted the Jew wear at least. He was practically wearing nothing but thin cotton and they were in early winter. Kyle leaned forward a bit, arms outstretched to steady himself but he didn't fall. 

When he straightened back up he turned to Cartman looking a little embarrassed. "Thanks…" 

This was absolutely some form of torture. Some kind of twisted karma inflicted on Cartman from the universe for being such an ass. Kyle wasn't actually small and short. He was about five seven maybe? Most of it in his legs let's be real, but he was thin. Like snappable thin. So Cartman's coat overtook his body and made him look so attractive in a way he wasn't even aware existed. 

"'S fine. You should get dressed and bail before your parents notice and start acting crazy unbearable. Butters will be here in a few." He said letting go of his temporarily clumsy crush, still watching carefully ready to catch him if he tripped again. 

"They aren't  _ unbearable _ , just worried. You know they are going to lose it when they hear about the kid from North Park. Ugh I don't even want to think about what my dad thinks of this. I've been avoiding him." Kyle sounded like he was mostly just thinking out loud not really intending for Cartman to hear him. The uncomfortable idea of discussing any of the attack with his parents was clearly weighing on his mind though. 

Cartman bit the inside of his cheek. _Ok this is it. This is when you're supposed to be comforting and reassure him that it's fine._ _Just say something encouraging._

"I mean what's the worst that could happen? They think you actually are a prostitute and disown you for bringing dishonor to the family or something? Yeah right." Cartman half laughed. 

Kyle almost winced, his face growing even more worried as he looked to the snowy ground and started walking back to his house. He didn't even bother with a rebuttal.

_ GODDAMN IT! _

Cartman felt like smashing his head into a brick wall. Kenny actually punched his arm. 

"What the fuck was that? He's totally giving you an opening dude don't fuck that up!" His friend scolded looking like he couldn't believe what he just witnessed. 

Cartman rubbed his shoulder and glared. "An opening? That was just a normal conversation. If Kyle ever gave me an  _ actual _ opening I'd probably just call him a fugly kike and jump out the fucking nearest window!" 

Kenny shook his head. "I'd say you're totally hopeless but he looked pretty cozy snuggled up to you in your room a few minutes ago." That grin came back. The one that meant Kenny's brain was currently drenched in perverted thoughts. "What was that about?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Awesome, so he was going to make him talk about it right then. Cartman felt his face practically steam against the cold, morning air. "It wasn't what you think. He just hugged me. It didn't mean shit." 

"Oh no, that's not a hug.  _ We  _ hug. That was uh… something else." He teased. The trailer trash baby put his arm over Cartman and smirked knowingly. "You ever think  _ maybe  _ he thinks you're cute? Huh?" 

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Fuck off. I'm about five pounds, two missed showers and a week of not shaving away from incel level ugly." 

Kenny frowned. "Dude that's not even remotely true. You're definitely baby bear cute. Very very tired, kinda sadistic baby bear. I mean honestly my advice wouldn't even be to try and be romantic right now anyway." 

The so called, 'baby bear' raised his eyebrow. "Kenny, you've been pestering me to actually flirt with Kyle for four years. Now you're saying I should back off?" 

"Well yeah but read the room man. He doesn't need a boyfriend, he needs a friend. Lots of friends. He's going through a lot so just be there for him now.  _ This  _ is the perfect time to stop being an asshole and just be his fucking friend for once. Don't call him a Jew. Don't call his mom a bitch and murder the guy who hurt him. Then you know, maybe after he starts to actually recover from this you'll be so good at being his friend he'll actually stop suppressing his crush on you." Kenny said, shrugging. 

Cartman groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Stop saying that. Kyle doesn't have some subconscious crush on me. He's just Kyle and I'm just me. We just hate on each other. That's it, that's all it's ever been." He couldn't stop his voice from sounding so tired and depressed when he said it. He kept his eyes on the house across the street refusing to look at Kenny while he was being like this. 

For a second it was quiet. Kenny opened his mouth clearly wanting to argue but he decided against it. "...Alright dude. Whatever you say." 

They had been having this same debate for years now. The back and forth of Kenny insisting there was too much tension and obsession between the two of them for it to be straight or normal. As he put it 'There's no way he doesn't also feel something for you. He can't leave you alone! Especially when you stop pissing him off.' Cartman disagreed. He figured Kyle just hated him and was suspicious of everything he did. It would be warranted.

There was a sharp 'ding' in Kenny's pocket and he pulled out his phone. Cartman noticed the too obvious signs anyone else might miss in that moment: His friend's eyes dilating slightly and his lip twitch, threatening to smile. It was clear who the message was from. 

"Butters is almost here. He said he's cool with driving us but his dad took his car again." Kenny said, trying to sound casual. 

Cartman was already well aware of how badly the poor boy had it though so the blond could pretend all he wanted, it wouldn't mask a thing. 

"Tch figured. Why'd they even buy him a car if they weren't ever going to let him drive it? Seems fucking redundant to me." 

Kenny got one of those rare, serious looks on his face for a second. "So they could have more control over his life just like with everything they ever get him. You know his dad bought him the car and a tire boot at the same time? They do it so they can take it away. Fucking Stephen Stotch…" 

Kenny and Stephen Stotch were currently engaged in a kind of terf war over Butters.

To the point where Kenny wasn't even legally permitted within fifty feet of Butters dad. It all started two years ago when one night the blond slut was caught at Butters window making out with him. According to Kenny it was supposed to be a romantic first kiss kind of thing but they got caught and Stephen Stotch shot him dead on sight. 

He obviously came back the next day and everyone's altered memories made it seem like he had missed or just fired a warning shot, letting Kenny escape. Since then the overbearing father actually succeeded in killing Kenny three more times but the cursed boy just kept coming back. In between that Kenny has beat the shit out of Stephen  _ twice _ . 

He was like the town mut constantly jumping the fence to rut with the Stotch's prized poodle or some shit. Only instead of a water hose he'd use his Yorkshire 33 millimeter to pull them off each other.

Cartman could vividly remember the last time Kenny's promiscuous escapades with Butters left his friend with a gaping bullet wound. It was last year in October, two months before he was sent away. Kenny called him at like four in the morning. 

He remembered the phone going off and pressing ignore over and over again until he finally relented and answered the persistent little shit...

_ "Fucking WHAT you poor, vagina munching meth baby?! What the fuck could you possibly need this early?! I swear if you're fucking high and in a ditch I'll god damn kill you-"  _

_ "Cartman.." he coughed roughly. A wet slushy kind of cough Cartman had never heard before. "... shut up."  _

_ It made his stomach churn and he sat up in bed eyebrows drawing together. He was quiet, waiting and listening to the crackled breathing on the other end.  _

_ After far too long a pause Kenny took a deep breath and started speaking again though it sounded like it took a lot of effort. "Can you come back around behind B-Butters house? I need some help."  _

_ Cartman didn't answer. He just hung up, got dressed and found himself walking halfway down the street to Butters before he even realized he'd decided to help.  _

_ It wasn't hard to find Kenny. There was a trail of blood from the Stotch's front door that lead to the back and there he was. The mut tramp himself propped against the wooden fence clenching his stomach. Kenny was shivering badly, all the warmth from his body was in a deep red pool around him. When he weakly turned his head up to Cartman his face was as pale as the show and his lips had turned purple, blood dripping down the sides of his mouth. _

_ "H-Hey bro…" _

_ Cartman was standing in front of the pathetic sight frowning and already taking off his jacket to put it over Kenny. "You're a fucking idiot. There is no way in hell Butter's ass is worth this shit. It's not even like you're trying to go exclusive, you were just bragging about Bebe letting you be her third like two days ago."  _

_ Kenny held out his hand and shook his head pushing Cartman's jacket away. "D-Don't bother I'm a t-t-total goner… also I wouldn't k-know about how sweet his ass is. I h-haven't hit it." He sucked in another horrible breath and Cartman could hear his lungs crackling. It was fucking disgusting.  _

_ "Are you kidding me? What are you even doing this for? You love him or some shit?" He joked.  _

_ Kenny didn't say anything. He just stared right at Cartman not blinking. His blue eyes wide and a little scared. He may have even blushed if he had any blood to spare.  _

_ Cartman was stunned. Kenny had been pretty open about his repulsion to romance when they talked about it before. It was all hit it and quit it with him. "Dude that's gay."  _

_ Kenny weakly flipped him off. "Y-You're fucking gay."  _

_ "So? But seriously? Butters? I mean the little fag wore a skirt to class once and ever since then you've lost your damn mind going after him. Now you're telling me you're not even getting any but he's the one person you wanna date? Why the hell did you even call me out here anyway?" Cartman asked _ ,  _ looking around confused. Talking about love or whatever always made him feel uncomfortable and alone. Kenny had been the only person he could talk to about it that actually understood. Now he's gone and bit the bullet too. Literally. _

_ "I-I-I like to talk t-to him. Also we-we do stuff I'm n-not a damn n-nun! H-His fucking dad man! A-Always interrupting. E-Even at my-my place." Kenny winced as he tried to straighten himself out since he was sliding down the fence. "Slapped… he fucking s-slapped him tonight. I-I'm not going f-fast enough. Need to make sure I-Im back by t-tomorrow s-s-so I can ki-kick S-Stephen St-Stotch's a-ass. B-Been waiting here fo-for tw-two hours." He fell into a harsh coughing fit after his rant. Blood sprayed from his mouth across the white power that surrounded them.  _

_ Cartman felt a chill up his spin and a good amount of irritation as he realized where this conversation was going. "Are you seriously? You want me to put you out of your misery? What are you a masochist? At this point this might be a goddamn kink of yours."  _

_ Kenny laughed despite everything. "Help a b-bro out. I'Ive done this like a thousand times I can-can tell it will be light out before I'm gone. It's got to be be-before daylight so-so I'll be back this-this morning."  _

_ Cartman looked Kenny up and down his jaw hanging open. "Ughhhhh I cannot fucking believe you called me out here this goddamn early to murder you. In fucking love with Butters Stotch. GOD, I hate my fucking friends. Stupid weird ass town..." He tossed his jacket to the side and cracked his knuckles.  _

_ Fine if Kenny was going to abandon their sad aromantic pact then he was gonna do something about it right here. Crushing Kenny's neck under his boot wouldn't help anything but it was always nice to vent pent up aggressions. He yanked his friend off the fence and tossed him into the snowy ground raising his foot up. _

_ Kenny grunted painfully, he looked up but he wasn't afraid. He was never afraid of Cartman, which just made it worse. He smiled sadly at him. "I-I know your p-pissed. Sorry but I-I gu-guess I hav-have a Kyle to? P-Probably makes us e-even st-still?"  _

_ Cartman hesitated. How the fuck dare he bring up Kyle right then? It wasn't the same. Butters was probably more than happy to have someone like Kenny say he was that special exception to romance. If he told Kyle that then the Jew would probably laugh at him or scream and run away.  _

_ When he blinked and came back to. Kenny was basically goo on the bottom of his boot. Ah he totally blacked out again. Damn it. That had been happening a lot lately.  _

**_You know he's just going to think you're pathetic now._ **

**_Too bad he can't die for real._ **

_ "Shut the fuck up!" Cartman whispered loudly to himself. The annoying voices that circled around his head always picked the worst times to show up.  _

_ He wiped the tears that felt cold against his face. None of this made him feel any better.  _

_ The lonely blood covered boy walked back home quietly sniffling to himself, feeling fucked up that it wasn't over having to murder his best friend but how jealous he was of him. If those two were anyone other than the two people he considered his only trustworthy friends he'd probably be plotting a way to break them up for fun…  _

**_You could do that! Break them up! What's Kenny ever done for you anyway?_ **

_ "Lots of shit. He fucking listens to me." Cartman muttered to himself. He never could ignore the voices for long. _

**_Is this because he kissed you out of pity a few times? You're so fucking pathetic. Fat. Stupid. Jealous. I mean it's no surprise your friend would pick some kind hearted little twink over you._ **

_ "I don't think about Kenny that way and you goddamn know that!" Cartman gripped his wrist tight and felt his nails digging in. He needed some kind of grip on reality.  _

**_No you don't. But the person you want hates you and thinks you're disgusting and evil. Because you are._ **

_ "UGHH SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Cartman screamed, kicking the door of a random, parked car until the alarm started blaring and he had to take off running back to his house. _

_ By morning the blood stains in the snow had disappeared, Kenny's body was dragged away by rats and Cartman was at Butters house at noon. He had decided to ignore the jealousy and paranoia to help his friend, if only for his own amusement. He wanted to be there when the freshly reanimated Kenny busted down Stephen Stotch's door to beat the living crap out of him.  _

_ No cops were called this time since Cartman was holding out his phone threatening to call CPS and the Stotch's couldn't even hide the bloody lip and black eye they had inflicted on Butters face the night before. Kenny made sure Stephen looked way worse though. It was pretty awesome. Mutual assault was definitely a good way to forgive Kenny for being a weak, whipped little shit. Also it calmed down the voices for a while at least. _

"Hey fellas! Boy you both look tired!" A happy, shrill voice snapped Cartman out of his rather dark trip down memory lane. 

Cartman looked up to see Butters strutting towards the two awkward boys on the sidewalk. He looked confident and had clearly dressed to impress a certain dark blond tramp. He donned a light blue turtleneck lined with pink hearts, a blush colored high waisted skirt and power puff blue, high heeled boots. The overdressed twink had no trouble walking across ice in them either. He'd also done a complete make up look with blue eyeshadow and 'Kiss Me' pink lips. 

Absolute show off. 

Cartman shook his head and rolled his eyes. Butters was cute but he had never been down for the girly boy type. He actually preferred to do the gender swapping himself if he was being completely honest. Butters was fantastic at it and occasionally, back when he was allowed at Cartman's house he'd teach him some of his techniques and let him borrow his brushes. Kenny was always Butters favorite canvas though. 

Of course those moments were not to be shared with anyone outside the three of them. Otherwise he'd destroy every James Charles pallet the boy owned and flush his blenders down the goddamn toilet. 

Kenny  _ was _ a sucker for girly boys, he loved a pretty face. If Mysterion had a kryptonite it'd be a perfectly contoured, fuckable person in a skirt. If only Professor Chaos had figured that out sooner their little games of super hero would have definitely gotten more interesting. 

"Hey, Buttercup." Kenny said all love sick and mellow. He was looking Butters up and down like he'd never seen anything hotter in his life. 

Cartman faked a gag watching them give each other eskimo kisses and hug. "Ugh. I'm gonna lose my coffee you guys, seriously." 

Kenny flipped him off. He had to lean up to kiss Butters when he was in heels which just served to make Kenny look even more like a little bitch. It was a short, chaste kiss but there was clearly a lot of feeling in it. 

All of it was short lived however since Butters quickly checked himself. He went from staring lovingly into Kenny's eyes to awkwardly looking around and pulling himself back, taking a larger than necessary step away from the disheartened boy. "Ah. It's-It's nice to see you too Kenny. Outside of school anyway… Eric! We haven't hung out in a while!" 

He moved past Kenny to come and hug Cartman who half hugged him back since he'd be sad and annoying if he didn't. The pretty twink kissed Cartman on the cheek and ruffled his already messy hair as if trying to convince himself that kissing his friends in greeting was normal and not just specially reserved for Kenny.

Another reason he didn't listen to the voice when it told him to break his friends up. He couldn't. They weren't actually dating. 

Every time Kenny tried to ask he always got shut down. Even though the two were regularly fucking, anytime they could sneak away. 

That was punishment enough for Kenny in Cartman's eyes. 

He cast a glance toward his friend while Butters hugged him. God those were some sad eyes. Blue and longing, he was both broken hearted and smitten. A puppy out in the rain or a boy in the doghouse kinda sad.

"Yeah it's good to see you're not under house arrest anymore. Been checking up on your Tik Toks, though. I think the Jeffery Star pallet is a little much for you. Kinda more my style." He smirked, winking. 

"Hehe…" Butters gave him a dark sorta look. "That's cute, Eric. But you can pry my exclusives from my cold, perfectly manicured, dead hands." 

Cartman shrugged "Worth a shot." Damn it he liked those colors. 

"So you guys just need a lift to Stan's farm? Kenny said it was an emergency?" He sounded so sweet when he asked looking between his friends. Smiling innocently, totally unaware of what's been going on.

Both Cartman and Kenny's faces must have given something away because Butters face fell immediately. "What's wrong? Is someone hurt? Do we need to go now?" You could actually see the anxiety rise in him. 

Kenny shook his head looking toward Kyle's house watching the door open and their ginger friend start to head over to them. "No… yes… er." He reached out and started pulling Butters toward the car. "Hey let's warm the car up and I'll explain it to you alright? Keys, Cartman?" 

He reached in his pocket and tossed the keys to them. Butters looked even more worried than before but he stayed quiet heading into Cartman's driveway and letting Kenny take his hand. 

Cartman watched them go and waited for Kyle. He'd clearly put new clothes on. Some dark jeans, his hat and his own boots. He was still wearing Cartman's red plaid coat though which made Cartman's heart practically do a somersault. 

Maybe it was warm or he just liked it. Whatever the reason Kyle was still covered up in  _ his _ coat that he wore all the the fucking time. Like it was comforting. That made losing the extra layer worth it. Winter could strike him down dead right then, he didn't care. Kyle Broflaski was wearing his coat by choice. 

"Hey are we going? My dad was up and I just had the worst five minute father son talk of my life so I need to be as far away from here as possible. Like yesterday." Kyle said looking antsy. 

When Cartman looked up he could see Gerald Broflaski in the window watching them. He couldn't really read his face but he seemed tired, maybe a little angry. "What did he say? Cus whatever it is he's fucking wrong like this shit isn't your fault and-"

"Woah hey! No he's just… ugh he heard about the North Park kid and he wanted to know if the whole prostitute thing was true or not because he doesn't want to put his law firm on the line you know? I mean… that's reasonable." Kyle said softly even though there was no one else around them to hear. He put his hands in the coat's pockets basicly shrinking into it. 

Cartman gritted his teeth. "I don't know why you're always rationalizing the shit they say to you. He shouldn't even have to ask that. He basically just asked if you were fucking asking for it or did he just assume you lied about the whole thing?" 

Fuck. Well there goes trying to be nice about Kyle's parents. 

Kyle looked stunned for a second. At first he seemed to get pissed, clearly about to open his mouth and let Cartman have it. That didn't happen. He closed his mouth, swallowed and shook his head. "He asked… he asked if maybe I was caught up in something bad and if it got out of hand…" 

Cartman breathed through his nose and took a step forward so Kyle couldn't see him when he flipped Gerald off before putting his arm around his friend walking him over to the car. "Fucking shitty, useless, Jew lawyer…" 

"Dude." Kyle said, glaring. He didn't push him away though. 

"Sorry. Fucking shitty, useless, homophobic, slut shaming, toxic masculine, retarded lawyer." He 'corrected' smirking down at the Jew.

Kyle stared at him and snorted.  _ Ha! Score! There was a smile in there. _ Cartman thought. "You're incorrigible." 

"I don't know the meaning of the word." He said, nearly managing to sound suave. 

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you think you're cute huh? Quoting Scott Pillgram won't make me forgive your blatant antisemitism." His steps seemed less messed up now. Maybe he took some pain meds. 

"Ugh. I'm  _ working _ on it." He whined. 

His Jewish friend paused and raised an eyebrow. "Really?" 

"Well fuck. Considering the damn circumstances I figured I might as well give it a shot. Don't think I'm gonna quit cold turkey though. You Jews make it too easy." He warned, opening the back car door for Kyle. 

He just shook his head and kind of looked like he was trying not to smile. He got in scooting over so Cartman could follow. Kenny was up front patting Butters knee and handing him tissues. 

Butters was currently sniffling and gently dabbing the cotton around his eyes looking in the drivers mirror trying not to mess up too much of his make up with his tears. "K-Kyle!" 

"Oh God…" the ginger mumbled. 

"Kyle I'm so sorry! Kenny just told me what happened and I just think that's real awful! You know what though, I bet Cartman's gonna really rip that meanie a new asshole! I mean really. Cartman you're being really calm it's totally scary! I-I bet that guys really gonna get it from you huh?" He said through a wavering voice and fresh tears. Even Kenny seemed to wince, shaking his head trying to make his not-boyfriend shut his mouth. 

Ugh. God fucking damn it Butters. Cartman facepalmed and instantly felt his cheeks heat up. This fucking idiot. 

"Can you just drive? Fuck." 

"Yeah, I got you! Just a second." He dabbed his eyes and blew his nose trying to straighten himself back up. "Ok. Sorry about that fellas. I just get really emotional about this stuff. I really am sorry Kyle. I bet you're feeling real down and w-well I just think you're being so brave!" 

Kyle looked around avoiding eye contact with the pastel twink. "Uh… ok." He put his arms around himself and once again looked like he was about to sink into Cartman's jacket and never return. Clearly he hated being treated like some hero for just not letting his attack turn him into a comatose wreck. 

Cartman glared at Butters in the mirror. 

He yelped and put the car in reverse pulling out of the driveway. Fucking finally. Cartman signed, irritated. He shook his head, hardly believing that idiot had said all that shit out loud in front of Kyle. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to distract from the embarrassment. 

When his apps popped up on the screen he noticed the little notification on his email and opened that first. 

His heart almost stopped seeing the address was from Hell's Pass. Kyle's drug test had come back. The brunette glanced at Kyle who was just leaning against the window watching the trees while they drove by. These results could be the biggest physical evidence in their case. 

Cartman opened the file and squinted looking at the weird mostly medical list. Luckily there was a lament section at the bottom. 

_ Positive for Marijuana within the last thirty days.  _

_ Positive for high dose of Ketamine in the last twenty four hours.  _

He could hear his heart pumping faster in his ears as he read it over and over again making sure he didn't just imagine the last sentence. 

"Kenny. What does Ketamine do to you?" 

"Huh?" The blond turned his head, cocking a brow at Cartman. "Uh... makes you real fucked up. It's like a club drug. Makes everything brighter, sounds louder. Total out of body experience, you know disassociation and all that…" 

Kyle looked up then and watched Kenny carefully. 

"It's a sedative too so you go all numb, I mean it's called horse tranquilizer for a reason. Why?" 

Cartman passed him his phone. "It showed up in Kyle's drug test." 

"Fuck." Kenny snatched the phone and started looking over the numbers. "Holy shit. That's a fuck ton to just be left over in your system dude. I can't believe you were walking around and functional." 

Cartman was about to say something when Kyle stood up, taking the phone from Kenny and reading it himself. He was shaking before his eyes got glassy and distant. 

"Out… OUT I NEED FUCKING OUT OF HERE! NOW!" He screamed, dropping the phone and grabbing the car handle. 

"Butters pull the car over!" Cartman yelled. 

"O-Ok! But there's not really-" 

"JUST STOP THE FUCKING CAR, BUTTERS!" Both Cartman and Kyle screamed at the same time. 

The van came to a screeching halt and all four boys were jolted forward. Kyle was breathing heavy as he shakily opened the vans sliding door. He didn't even pay attention to the other side of the road, he just bolted out and ran. 

Cartman unbuckled quickly and followed behind him holding up his hand to stop a few trucks trying to pass them by. They honked and Cartman tossed his hands up, flipping them off. Like he had time for these stupid assholes. He wasn't thinking just moving forward watching Kyle run into the wooded area on the side of the road and grab onto a tree like he was trying to stop his own body from running away. 

The closer Cartman got to him the slower he moved. He kept his distance staying a few feet away. Kyle was breathing too fast, clearly panicking. It was easy to predict what happened next as the teen kneeled over and vomited. Cartman kept a neutral face taking a few more steps and kneeling down next to him in case he choked or something.

He looked around a little awkwardly, reaching his hand out then pulling it back. He didn't know what to say or do. If he should touch him or not. Cartman figured as soon as he opened his mouth he'd say the wrong thing. Something stupid. Something he didn't mean. Something awful.

He looked behind them hoping Kenny had followed too but no. They were alone, the woods were quiet and there was nothing but trees and snow surrounding the two messed up teens. There was no one there for Kyle but him.

The poor bastard.

Cartman closed his eyes.  _ What the fuck would Kenny say? What would he do? How the hell do I speak right now? Damn it just do what Kenny said! Don't be an ass... _

"Mn… er…. Can I touch your back?" 

_ Shit! Fuck! No that sounds creepy as hell!  _

Kyle slowly took his hand off the tree and turned toward Cartman who was basically holding his breath. 

"W-What?" 

Ughhh this sucked so much. Cartman knew his face was probably all wrong. He probably looked angry or maybe scary blank. He breathed in through his nose slowly. 

"Like… to comfort you? I don't know." He cringed. This was definitely not going well. 

Kyle was staring at him, not blinking. He wiped his mouth off on Cartman's jacket but who the fuck cares? "Oh, I get it. I probably look pretty fucking stupid huh?" 

Cartman raised his eyebrow. "Uh no…" 

Where the hell had that come from? 

"Well, I  _ feel _ stupid." He said, putting his hand to his chest. "I don't feel brave or strong. I just feel really  _ really _ stupid. Like I let this happen to me and now it's going to ruin my family if our community finds out and they're going to think I was partying and using drugs and fucking strangers! Even though I keep remembering  _ everything.  _ How he drugged me and screwed me and fucking HURT me and _ I _ have to feel fucking  _ STUPID?! _ " 

Cartman shook his head, he wasn't used to feeling this furious on behalf of someone else. Feeling so deeply about how Kyle felt. Where the fuck had all this come from suddenly anyway… wait. "You didn't let it happen to you! Jesus Christ. What the hell did you're fucking troll of a dad say to you?" 

"DON'T CALL HIM A TROLL!" Kyle screeched.

"HE  _ IS  _ A FUCKING TROLL AND IM SICK OF YOU TELLING US THE SHIT THINGS YOUR PARENTS SAY ABOUT YOU THEN INSTANTLY DEFENDING THEM!" He screamed back. 

"Oh Kyle why can't you be like Ike? Kyle, why don't you want to learn Hebrew like your brother? Kyle, why aren't you at the top of your class? Kyle, I know your bi but you'll marry a nice Jewish girl one day right? Kyle, how come you don't suck both our dicks every night and worship our assholes like Ike?" he mocked dramatically. "I'm so fucking tired of seeing you show up to school every fucking morning clearly stressed out because you think you're not good enough! It's goddamn bullshit!" He grabbed some snow next to him and tossed it needing to vent somehow. He felt too full of unfamiliar emotions. This certain opinion had been a long time coming though. He couldn't stand the Broflaski's most of the time. 

"You don't even feel stupid because of your rapist! You feel stupid because your  _ shitty parents  _ are constantly invalidating every fucking thing you do! Fucking hell you probably can't take a shit in your house without criticism. Like they have a Yelp review of your every move. 'This morning Kyle ate eggs with Ike but didn't finish them fast enough so I'm gonna have to give him only two stars'. That's not normal Kyle! Stop finding good reasons for the shit they say, it's killing you!" 

Kyle was stunned, his mouth was hanging open and he was growing red with rage. "What the fuck makes you the expert? You're mom isn't winning any parent of the year awards! So what makes you think you can sit here and yell at me-" 

"Tch! No shit, Khal! She's a crack whore who would rather be my friend than my mom! She let me get away with whatever I wanted. Including  _ murder _ . That is until I got taller and too scary! As soon as I wasn't cute anymore she finally decided to do something about my fucked up symptoms that she chose to ignore for YEARS but hey at least she's supportive. ALSO I'M NOT FUCKING YELLING AT YOU! I'M PISSED OFF AT YOUR DAD,  _ CLEARLY _ !"

He watched Kyle try to say something. He obviously wanted to argue so bad but Cartman had already dissed his own mom so what could he come back with? He looked around before meeting Cartman's eyes again. 

"I… I can't do this. They're so fucking disappointed already. I can't even mention that I  _ prefer _ guys without it being some big discussion about how the Synagogue and the community might take that. That it's best if I just try to date the girls there, wait for college. Move away and give it a few more years to decide. If I tell them some guy held me at gunpoint in my own car and forced me out of my clothes and that I  _ just _ remembered him stabbing me in the thigh with a needle to drug me? They'll just point out all the shit I could have done to avoid it, tell me not to talk about it. They'll ask why my story is changing." Kyle sucked in a shaky breath. He was fighting back the angry tears hard. 

"It doesn't matter anyway because he's not going to pressure the cops to open the case anymore. He told me this morning. It's fucking over." 

Cartman reached his hands out and angrily gripped the air as if it were Gerald Broflaski's neck. He was full of pent up frustration. "It's not fucking over just because your piss drinking dad says it is! Fuck him! If you think I'm going to listen to him you're wrong! When have you ever known me to listen to anyone but myself?" He asked, smirking. 

Kyle signed and gave Cartman a tired, irritated look. "Never… " 

"Yeah! So take some advice I've had to learn in the last year and listen to yourself for once. Not the shity voices in your head because they say real stupid crap all the time. I mean at least I know mine aren't real. Sucks for you though you gotta like, live with yours outside your brain. In your house." He half joked. 

Kyle huffed a small laugh and shook his head. "You always sound like such an asshole when you try to help." 

Cartman smiled softly. "Well it normally makes you laugh so I must be doing something right." 

"Ugh. I think that might make me an asshole too." He said putting his head in his hands. 

"Nah you're just fucking stressed. Also you're entitled to be an asshole for the foreseeable future under the circumstances. I won't even tell you to get the sand out of your vagina." 

Kyle smiled back at him even if it didn't quite reach his eyes yet. "I don't have sand in my vagina. Fuck you." At least he had calmed down now. 

Cartman grinned and started to stand up dusting the snow off his pants "Alright let's go. I'm freezing my balls off and I'm sure your boyfriend is worried sick waiting on you this long. He's probably crying in Wendy's arms as we speak." 

"Ugh. Shut the hell up. He's not my boyfriend." Kyle said as he used the tree next to him to pull himself up. 

"Oh sorry. Super Best Butt Buddy Friend. Like Butters and Kenny." 

Kyle sneered. "Jesus Christ we are  _ not _ Butters and Kenny. That whole thing is just sad. I haven't crushed on Stan since I was like thirteen." He paused when he realized what he said. More like admitted. "Oh Goddamn it…" 

"I fucking knew it! HA! I bet you guys have totally kissed. Gross did he like, cry?" Cartman asked, pretending he didn't feel the needle stinging pain in his chest. Jealousy and disappointment already churning in his brain. 

Kyle glared at him "You really wanna know?" He asked, his tone low and threatening. Cartman froze, feeling an instant regret. He absolutely did not want to know. Not if it was going to hurt.

The ginger crossed his arms cocking his hip out in a slightly sassy way. "Yeah he cried. Right after he told me he couldn't like me like that but that it would break his heart if we ever stopped being as close as we are. So yeah we're like queer platonic or whatever. I doubt you'd ever understand that though so there's no use explaining-" 

Cartman sucked in frigid air feeling like he just got shot in the chest. "WAIT!" He swallowed as the anxiety started filling him like an empty cavity. "S-So you're dating him?" His voice came out all small and shaken. Not at all the boastful teasing he was a minute ago. He was already preparing himself to shut down because he absolutely  _ WOULD NOT _ start crying over this. 

Kyle stalled, looking at Cartman in shock. He definitely didn't expect that kind of reaction. "No… it's not like dating. People have different ways of putting it but it's like… Jesus you're just going to laugh. I don't know why I'm even telling you this. I love him, he loves me, it's more than best friends but it's not sexual. We don't want to date each other, we dont want to fuck. I definitely want a romantic partner at some point like Stan and Wendy but I'm still going to have that connection with Stan because romance and what we have aren't mutually exclusive. Okay? I get it if that's too much for you're  _ straight _ , asshole brain to comprehend but I'd goddamn appreciate it if you left it alone." 

Cartman really only half comprehended that explaination but what he got was no they arent dating or fucking and Kyle definitely wanted to date someone at some point. He relaxed his shoulders and breathed out, feeling the fear and premature heartbreak drain away. "Ok. Cool. Awesome."

Kyle's eyes got wide. "R-Really?" 

"Yeah no, I'm totally cool with that. Sounds legit." He put his hands in his front hoodie pocket. He had always thought Stan and Kyle were  _ really _ close. It was a constant pestering anxiety to know he couldn't compete with Stan incase anything did happen between them. Even if Kyle preferred  _ him _ when Stan was being too much of a cynical twat, he'd always run back to the eboy in the end. 

Now it felt more like  _ 'Sure Stan you can have him in that department and I'll always be here to fill that other opening if he ever wanted'.  _ He was really doubtful that would ever happen but that wouldn't stop him from fantasizing it. 

The way Kyle was staring at him though made Cartman realize he was smiling far too obviously. He'd left his face open in his unusual, honest reaction. Fuck. 

"Er um.. I mean it's really fucking gay. Always knew you guys would be all emotional faggy with each other. I'm cool with it though. Do what you want, I don't care." He shrugged turning toward the road. He couldn't believe he was so casual with how relieved that made him! 

Kyle was staring after him. "Ugh. This is why I hate explaining this shit to straight people." 

That word made Cartman flinch. It was so overly exhausting being stuck in the closet all the time… actually he was pretty sure Kyle was the only one who didn't know now. That's fucking annoying. 

Not that he was going to do anything about it. 

"Yep. That's me. The  _ straight _ friend. Totally love wo-" he put his fist up to his mouth and tried not to gag. "Women! That's what we call them. Yep. Giiiirrrlsss." He looked around almost paranoid and started walking faster. Cartman felt like letting his body just roll into the woods and get buried in the snow.  _ Why can't I just shut my fucking mouth? _

"Uh… yeah. Okay." Kyle said awkwardly. 

They walked back up to the road where Butters had pulled off to the side and shuffled back into the van again. Once the doors shut it was far too quiet. Even when they started driving again no one said anything.

Thank god it wasn't too far of a ride to the farm. He felt like he could choke on this heavy atmosphere. Honestly if he had to deal with another emotional breakdown before he got some goddamn sleep Cartman was going to officially lose it. He felt himself nodding off already. 

His meds always made him tired. 

Cartman looked out the window, he could see Kyle's reflection in it. Sitting just next to him looking down at his hands lost in thought. He felt his eyes droop over the blurry image and found it impossible to force them back open.

"Hey. Wake up, fatass we're here." Kyle said, shaking his shoulder. 

Fuck. Cartman hadn't even realized he'd dosed off. It couldn't have been for more than ten minutes he didn't even dream or anything. He grumbled and groaned looking up just in time to see them pass the sign.

Welcome to Tegridy Farms Animal Sanctuary. 

At least fifty acres of land dedicated to taking in sick, abandoned and adoptable animals. Mostly farm animals but also dogs, cats and even a few parrots. 

Stan, at sixteen was the owner and part time operator of the whole place. His mom mostly oversaw everything since he was still in school but the farm was officially in Stans name after he inherited it from his dad six months ago. Right after Randy took a drunken dive off the South Park quarry bridge. 

Just two days after they had visited Cartman on his birthday and a week before he got let out. Cartman along with everyone else figured it was intentional. Including Stan, but for insurance purposes everyone played along like it was an accident. 

He'd missed out on the funeral, being locked up and all. According to Kenny it was a total shit show. Stan got wasted and cussed out his dad's corpse in front of the whole town then took a flamethrower to all the weed. The fire department showed up and everything. Wendy publicly broke up with him and he swore off alcohol for good when he woke up the next morning.

It was crazy to think that was all just this summer. They really couldn't catch a break. Nothing normal ever happened in South Park, it was a constant roller coaster of crazy drama and unbelievable adventures. Though the older the boys got the less whimsical it all seemed. They weren't playing pretend anymore, they were just suffering through it all. 

When they pulled up to the white farmhouse Cartman saw Stan sitting on the porch steps, his head between his knees while Wendy rubbed his back. Cartman elbowed Kyle and grinned at him mouthing "Told you." as he nodded to their pathetic looking friend. 

Kyle looked up and rolled his eyes but his lip twitched anyway. "Shut up." He mouthed back, opening the sliding van door and stepping out to the showy, gravel driveway. He instantly headed over to Stan and sat next to him putting his hand on the emotional boy's knee.

Cartman got out after him and yawned, stretching his arms out. Ugh he needed sleep or he risked his sedative meds making him pass out. Plus if they were going to investigate then he wanted to be sharp to not miss any important details.

"Alright!" He clapped his hands together loudly, trying to wake himself up making the unusual group all turn their head and attention toward him. "Let's get this shit going." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR WENDY WILL BE PROMINENT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER I APOLOGIZE FOR THE FILLER.
> 
> I killed Randy. I'm a bastard. Honestly I kinda hate Randy so much I couldn't stand the idea of writing him. 
> 
> I might be slightly slow to update because I hurt myself but I'm working on the next chapter right now. 
> 
> Also because of my injuries I didn't really get to edit this chapter a lot? I hope it's ok. 
> 
> I promise we will get back into the plot next chapter! 
> 
> Thank you so so so much for reading! Love yall!


	6. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gangs all here and ready to start ruining one psychos whole life. 
> 
> Kyle tries really hard to pretend he hasn't caught feelings. For years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this chapter is kind of cluttered and long but I REFUSED to break it into two. I just needed this scene out so I can move onto what happens next lol. 
> 
> I still kinda like how it turned out though so I hope you guys do to. 
> 
> This chapter is heavily based on the song Family by Mother Mother. That's my main four boys song. 
> 
> Again this doesn't have a lot of editing maybe I'll edit more later idk. If I edit to much I get distracted and forget what I want to write next.

Kyle

There was absolutely no denying what he was doing. Looking down at his hands partially hidden behind sleeves that were obviously too big for him, fidgeting with the red plaid fabric. A little over worn, kinda rough but warm and softer on the inside, lined with a white faux wool. 

No, there wasn't any denying or ignoring the obvious. He couldn't rationalize an ongoing, irrational decision. Kyle Broflaski was wearing Eric Cartman's jacket. 

Not even because he needed it anymore. He went back home and grabbed his clothes, a few Advil, some minor emotional abuse from his dad and his hat. He definitely could have taken his own coat, brought Cartman back his and just left it at that. He didn't have to make it weird. 

Instead while he was in the middle of just automatically nodding, robot pre-programming his short words of agreement and responses to his father's disappointed badgering he pulled _Cartman's_ coat on before he walked out of his house. Instantly the world felt a little less big and he felt weirdly safe.

It was totally stupid. He really expected Cartman to make some snide comment about it as soon as he walked up, but he didn't. He didn't even ask for it back. Instead he just stared at him in the same odd way he had been for a while now. Kyle figured the look must be new but he had a feeling it wasn't, like he had seen it before in passing. Maybe it's just been more frequent. He couldn't even explain the look it was so off kilter compared to how Cartman normally regarded him. Not angry, not blank, not conniving but something. 

Kyle turned his head and looked over to the larger teen next to him. Cartman was currently leaning against the van window, eyes closed, breathing steadily. His breath fogged the glass and his arm looked crooked as he put his weight against it, squishing his chubby cheek into the back of his hand. He didn't look comfortable at all but he was totally out.

It was weird to think just a few minutes ago he was just screaming at him. Well not _at_ him more like at his dad and Kyle's situation. Actually it was still at him. His words echoed over and over again in Kyle's mind along with what his father had told him this morning. 

_"Kyle I just suspect this might be a big misunderstanding and I don't want your reputation or mine to be tarnished by that. So I think we should let the police decide what to do while we decide as a family? Understand?"_

_"He shouldn't even have to ask that. He basically just asked if you were fucking asking for it or did he just assume you lied about the whole thing?"_

_"We also have to consider how this is affecting your Mother and Ike. I mean your Mother is a wreck, Kyle and don't you think a public investigation, especially after what happened to that Adam kid, would put your brother through a lot at school? He's already got a lot going on right now. That's just going to add to the pressure."_

_"Oh Kyle why can't you be like Ike?... I'm so fucking tired of seeing you show up to school every fucking morning clearly stressed out because you think you're not good enough! It's goddamn bullshit!"_

_"I'm worried about what people will think of you. What they might call you! This really could lead people to getting the wrong idea about you as a person… at least I hope it's the wrong idea."_

_"HE IS A FUCKING TROLL AND IM SICK OF YOU TELLING US THE SHIT THINGS YOUR PARENTS SAY ABOUT YOU THEN INSTANTLY DEFENDING THEM!"_

_"As a lawyer I don't feel comfortable pursuing your_ _case any further. You're an intelligent boy Kyle, I know you understand why. Don't think this means I love you any less. Okay son?"_

_"That's not normal Kyle! Stop finding good reasons for the shit they say, it's killing you!"_

Kyle sighed. He felt so torn. On one hand he really did understand where his dad was coming from, it seemed reasonable maybe even responsible… but it was so disappointing and it hurt so fucking much. It felt like his father didn't even want to fight for his own kid. It felt like he was blaming Kyle or ashamed of him. He felt like a failure. 

On the other hand Cartman was being a real jerk. A loud, obnoxious and… kinda completely right jerk. Admittedly Stan said similar things when Kyle would complain about his parents being hard on him then instantly rationalize it. He figured Stan was just being biased because he hated seeing Kyle hurt. His friend just didn't understand that they were doing it for his own good. Hearing Cartman say it was something else though. Like reality coming to kick him in the nuts. 

For the first time in a while Kyle wondered if maybe his dad was in the wrong. That _he_ was being a jerk and not Cartman. The aggresive teen was still loud and obnoxious but maybe it was for the right reasons this time. He was… _fighting_ for Kyle and he didn't seem ashamed to be doing it. If someone who he thought didn't even like him that much could do that, then why not his own parents?

Kyle pulled the collar of jacket around his face. He could basically sink into it. It was weird how it didn't smell bad or anything either. Familiar maybe? Just Cartman's cologne, something kinda girly like cotton candy? Artificiality cheap and sweet like a bath and bodyworks, and an off brand laundry detergent. It was irritating that he didn't hate it. Fuck, he might like it. That's _so_ much worse. 

_Ugh. What the hell is wrong with me?!_ _You have to fucking stop before this leads to something._ He thought. He still couldn't find it in himself to take it off. This was another good opportunity to do that. Cartman was asleep and he could just slip it off without him saying anything, toss it over to him then it would be done. He wouldn't have to torment himself like this.

He actually reached up to unzip it but before he could he felt another flash in his mind. One of those black screens in his theater turning on. Showing a repetitive clip of his assault: The guy holding him down by his neck, Kyle gripping his attacker's forearm trying to push the body over him off, so he could breathe. His nails digging into his flesh.

Kyle pulled the jacket closer around himself and closed his eyes tight trying to turn off the mental image. He hated this, the random bursts of memory. It was worse than not knowing anything. 

"Hey…" Kenny's soft voice interrupted his silent panic. "You okay?" 

Kyle looked up to see blue eyes staring at him from the rearview mirror. Worried and gentle. He nodded in response. 

"Yeah it's just… it's a lot." 

"Yeah? Just let me know if Cartman's being too much. He's… he doesn't know when enough's enough. He's really fucked up about what happened. Sorry if that's coming through as aggression." He whispered looking at the still slumbering idiot. 

Kyle blinked a few times. So even Kenny thinks he's being weird? _Well he would know, Cartman is closer to him than me or Stan_ . He thought "No he's just… I can handle Cartman no problem, actually he's kinda been helping in his own way. It's my dad, dude. My whole family really. I don't think they can handle the whole _situation_." 

Kenny nodded. "Well we're here for you, man. Family by choice right?" He smiled. 

Kyle noticed Butters take his eyes off the road for a second to look over at Kenny, his lips turning up in admiration. It was sweet. They really had something going between them, even if Butters was technically banned from ever dating the poor boy and Kenny was a notorious slut. Kyle couldn't help but smile back at them feeling more hopeful. 

Their motley crew was like that. Even if they were crazy they were there for each other. Now they were about to be all together again which hasn't actually happened in months. Not since the funeral. Man that was a total shit show. Also Cartman wasn't there.

"Yeah." He whispered turning back toward the window. Having drove up this way so many times before he could tell when they were getting closer to the farm. 

Kyle reached over and gently shook Cartman awake. "Hey. Wake up, fatass we're here." 

Cartman groaned, his face pinching uncomfortably. He looked like he'd hardly gotten any sleep last night at all. He definitely got a pretty rude awakening this morning too. 

Oops. That was definitely Kyle's bad.

Still it looked like he managed to wake himself up about halfway as they started pulling up to the farm. He watched Cartman slowly form a cocky grin on his face before he nudged him nodding to the house. 

Kyle frowned and looked out the front window seeing Stan on the porch, clearly in a distressed state while Wendy comforted him. He looked back to see Cartman mouthing "Told you."

 _Pfft_ . _Stupid little shit._ Kyle rolled his eyes. "Shut up." He mouthed back. _Stan's emotional, it's not like you're Sherlock Fucking Holmes for guessing he'd be upset. Cocky bastard._ He thought before jumping out of the van. 

_He just thinks he's so cute._

The ginger made his way over to Stan, his brow frowning as he sat next to him. Kyle reached out to touch his knee, he didn't need to think about Cartman rightnow. Not while Stan looked like this. 

"Hey. You look fucking awful, dude." Kyle didn't dare ask what was wrong. He already knew. Stan definitely heard about the North Park kid, now he was freaking out. 

Wendy looked past Stan over to him. Her eyes were shiny from crying too. "Kyle I-" 

"Alright!" Suddenly there was a thunderous clap and everyone turned their attention to Cartman "Let's get this shit started!" He said sounding excited as he practically skipped up to the porch

God he really _really_ didn't know how to read a room. 

Wendy was glaring at him. It was clear just a few minutes in and she was already done with Cartman's shit. "Eric." She greeted curtly. 

He turned to look at her as if he hadn't noticed she'd been there the whole time. "Cunt Waffle." He addressed her back in the same cold tone.

Ah. So they were going to be like that then? Well this should go just swimmingly. 

Stan looked up, wiping the tears from his face and leaning his head on Kyle's shoulder. He was a total wreck. Good thing the farm didn't have any alcohol on the property. No one wanted to see Stan break his sobriety only six months in. "Kyle. That poor kid… fuck." 

Kyle squeezed his friend with the arm he put around him. It was always hard to see Stan get this down. "I know. Come on, we think we have a plan to throw the guy off."

Wendy stood up and helped him pull Stan up with them. The dark haired mess walked ahead of them into the house with Cartman, Butters and Kenny. However Wendy grabbed Kyle's wrist to stall him on the porch. He turned and looked down at her, eyebrow raised in confusion. Once everyone was inside she started to pull him away. "Hey, I need to talk to you." 

"Uh okay? We can't do it inside? Cus it's actually freezing out here." He asked, already a little annoyed. 

Wendy could be a tad much for Kyle sometimes. He liked her definitely! She was good for Stan and her heart was in the right place most of the time, but she could be kind of high strung. Both her and the ginger were pretty hard headed to so in the rare instances when they disagreed it never ended well. 

She stopped and let go of his wrist. "First off I just want to say I'm so sorry. Stan told me what happened to you and just… it's really terrible Kyle. You're being really brave." 

_Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhh_. Kyle tried not to roll his eyes. He didn't want to hear one more goddamn person tell him he was being brave. 

"Secondly I know the police haven't been any help so I totally understand and respect what you and Stan and Kenny are doing looking into this on your own. I want to help any way I can. You don't even have to tell me what you plan on doing after you guys find him. Whatever happens, happens." She shrugged. 

Kyle got a sneaking suspicion that he somehow knew where this was going. "Uh. Thanks, Wendy. We _do_ need your help since Cartman's got this plan-"

"That's actually getting to my last point.." 

Ah shit here it goes. He had a feeling this was where she was headed with this. 

"I think we should all agree to ask Cartman to leave. Mutually. To be honest, Kyle I don't know why Stan's so convinced this whole thing isn't him. He won't give me a good enough reason, but this is all just too convincing to not be Cartman!" Wendy said low and serious. She glanced up to the house then turned her head suddenly. 

Kyle looked behind his shoulder to see Cartman at the window. He gestured to them holding his hands up like _what the fuck are you guys doing?_ Kyle shrugged back at him and held his finger out in a _one minute_ motion. 

"Wendy, look I really understand where you're coming from. I do. I mean this morning I basically broke down his door because I remembered something in a dream and thought it might connect him to the whole attack-" 

"You did?! Well what was it?!" She interrupted looking almost excited and hopeful. 

Kyle gave her a tired, irritated glance. "... but it didn't. Actually it kind of gave us a clue for where to start looking for this guy though. Anyway, I really understand the suspicion but it's not Cartman."

She really didn't look convinced in fact she looked disappointed. "I mean you can't be sure though. He's a _really_ good liar and I think he's got a lot of motivation to..." Her eyes quickly looked Kyle up and down and she paused suddenly. "... is that Cartman's jacket?" 

Kyle didn't know why but he felt a blush burst onto his face as if he could feel the blood boil from his chest up to his cheeks in an instant. "Um. Yeah. Yeah he kinda let me borrow it. Just for a second though. I'll give it back when we go inside." 

"W-Why? That's… weird. See that seems really suspicious. I mean who randomly does that for someone they hate? Unless they are lying or trying to hide something." She asked, crossing her arms stubbornly.

There was an instant feeling of anger that Kyle had a hard time explaining. A strange irritation that made him clench his fist and grind his teeth. "We don't hate each other." He defended.

Wendy blinked looking truly taken aback now. "Kyle you two have hated each other for as long as I can remember. What are you even talking about?"

"I wouldn't just choose to hang out with someone I hated every day. We're friends and Cartman wouldn't do this to me. He's not a rapist, he's just weird and a little unstable. He wants to help and even you have to admit he's fucking smart when it comes to screwing up peoples plans up. Even our teachers used to ask him for help concocting stupid schemes. So no, I'm not going to ask him to leave. Not unless I see hard evidence that points to this shit being Cartman. Maybe you could convince Stan to side with you if you want but good luck getting Butters and Kenny to." He watched her jaw slowly fall as he spoke feeling more confident with each centimeter it dropped. He turned around to head back inside then paused and looked back at her. 

"Oh and Wendy, I forgive you this time because I know you're doing this because you care but this shit is _not_ about you. So either listen to what Cartman has to say and help us or leave. Just don't go telling me what to fucking do again. I don't have time for it." 

Wendy couldn't hold eye contact with him after that. She shamefully glanced down at the gravel and snow, holding onto her arm "That's not… I _do_ want to help. I just think we should all be cautious. This whole thing is scary, Kyle." 

"Yeah, I think I'd know that better than anyone Wendy!" He snapped.

She flinched and Kyle instantly felt regretful. He knew there was no use yelling at Wendy just because he was pissed off. It wouldn't make anything better and she was clearly just trying to help. It's not like he wasn't suspicious of Cartman at first too. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose feeling like an ass.

"I'm sorry. This is just really stressful." He said softly, looking back at her as he forced himself to ignore any rage inside. "I want everyone here to _trust_ each other. We all know what we're planning and it's way less than legal, even if we're doing it for the right reasons. So for now can you just give Cartman the benefit of the doubt?" 

Wendy sighed crossing her arms. It was clear she was fighting all her natural instincts and assumptions in that moment. "Ok. I'll do this for you Kyle. You're like a little brother to me so I trust you, also I really wanna get this guy. Even if that means working with Eric Cartman. God help me." She said with a little confident half smile. 

Kyle returned it and felt the tension in his shoulders lessen a bit. He hated fighting with Wendy, they always end up really fucking with Stan when it happend. "Thanks. Wait _little_ brother? I'm older than you! And taller! You're barely five three!" 

"Pfft! You're the smallest of the boys though and you're just so cute!" She stepped up closer and held her arms out. "Is it ok to hug you? I just… God I'm just really happy you're ok. I mean maybe you're not _ok_ but you're still here." 

The ginger rolled his eye finding it impossible to keep a grin off his face. Wendy did have a big sister kind of vibe about her, especially with the three boys closest to her boyfriend. Always making sure Kenny had something to eat when he's around, gossiping with Kyle and letting him have time with Stan when she could easily take all his attention if she wanted. He has a real one track kind of mind. Even Cartman, always being double checked and watched over to make sure he wasn't getting into too much trouble. 

Sometimes she really could be a lot but for the most part Wendy was a great friend. 

He opened his arms up for the stout girl. "Yeah. I'm pretty stoked about being alive myself." 

She quickly walked up to him wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing his ribs. It was painful, the way she held onto his thin frame refusing to let go, her face buried in his chest. He felt her shake and a tiny sob escaped her lungs. Kyle patted her back. It was really strange. His mom had hugged him at the hospital and it didn't make him feel even a fraction as cared for as this did. 

That felt so deeply messed up. She's his mom, she loves him. _Why doesn't it feel like this then?_ He thought leaning his head down wrapping his arms around Wendy even more his face pressed into her hair. _When did I stop feeling anything for my parents? How did it get this bad?_ He asked himself before they pulled away. 

Wendy put her hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Ok. I swear I'm good, I'm ready to go!" 

Kyle smiled and nodded at her. "You'll be awesome. This fucker has no idea what's coming." 

Wendy smiled then gave his chest a weird look "D-Does Cartman shop at Bath and Bodyworks or something?" She asked with a small sniffle looking at the coat suspiciously. 

"I have _no_ idea!" Kyle laughed, shaking his head. At least he wasn't the only one to notice. 

Walking back into the house was like stepping into a circus prepping for a show. Stan was pulling Kenny down off a counter to keep him from chasing the sixty year old scarlet macaw that they rescued in September from a pirate themed pop up, hipster cafe. Cartman was trying to set up his camera and arrange the living room to his particular standards for filming which would be normal if it wasn't for the fact that every cat in the house was trying to use him as a climbing post, including three box kittens dropped off at the farm a few days ago. One was just hanging off his shoulder. Butters was just redoing the eyeliner he cried off in the car, ignoring the chaos. 

"KENNY! LEAVE HER ALONE SHE COULD BITE OFF YOUR FINGER FOR FUN I'M NOT KIDDING!" Stan screamed his arm wrapped around Kenny's middle as he struggled to pull him down while he held onto the ceiling fan. 

"Come on Stan animals love me! I just wanna pet her ONCE! You never let me try." He whined. 

"That's because she's a murderous bird. Remember what she did to that dude with the man bun? She only likes my mom, man let it go!" He finally tugged hard enough to make Kenny fall backward into his arms. He held him there princess style for a second just glaring. 

Kenny of course wasted no time in taking advantage of this. He wrapped his arms around Stans neck and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Nice catch, Stan. Such a hero! Sorry Wendy guess he's mine now it's in the princess rule book!" He boasted lifting his leg up dramatically.

Stan was instantly red, "Jesus Christ…" he looked like he was tempted to just drop Kenny right there but being the ever moral being he was, he carried the promiscuous boy over to the couch first to distribute him. 

"Aww Stan. How come you never hold me like that?" Wendy teased clearly not seeing Kenny as any kind of threat as she watched her boyfriend tote him around.

Kenny let his body flop onto the couch and made sure to strike a rather suggestive pose, practically moaning as he fell. His legs spread and his arm gently laid over his face in feigned bashfulness. "Yeah how come you don't carry her to bed like you do me? People will get _ideas_." His tone was absolutely drenched in sultry innuendo.

Even Kyle felt that one, a small blush creeping on his cheeks. Kenny could have that effect on people. Wendy kind of bit her lip a little, smirking. She was _definitely_ imagining those two. Once a yaoi fan always one it seemed.

Stan looked absolutely mortified, red all the way up to his ears. At least the atmosphere had changed and he wasn't crying anymore. "Oh come on!" 

The only people not affected were Butters and Cartman who was hardly paying any attention. _Not that he would care anyway. He's the straight one. Remember_ ? Kyle thought with a bit of irritation. _Wait not irritation. Wait. Fuck! What the hell sort of thought is that? You're mad he doesn't think Kenny is hot?!_ God he wished his brain would shut the fuck up for the day. 

Butters glanced over using the mirror and giggled gently. "Don't let him fool you. He's not nearly as put together when he bottoms." 

Kenny practically shot up at that comment. "Butters! What the hell?! You can't just crush my whole persona like that!" 

Cartman snorted a laugh not even looking up from adjusting his camera. "Pfft. You mean the desperate bitch face with the cross eyes?" 

Butters grinned and sassily snapped his fingers at the brunette. "The very fucking one! Yes!" 

Kyle's eyes got wide as he looked between the two exchanging their odd comparisons. He felt the hair on his arms stand up. Goosebumps spreading across his neck even. His heart speeding without reason. 

"What would you know about it, Cartman?" He asked suspiciously. 

Cartman's hands stopped moving. The room was pen drop silent for a second. In that one quick moment Kyle watched Cartman's face turn to pure terror. Eyes wide as saucers and the color drained from his cheeks instantly. He looked caught. It all only lasted about two seconds max but for Kyle it was like slow motion as he took in every detail.

"Oh I told him!" Butters was fast to reply. He sounded so casual and honest just laughing along with the joke on Kenny's behalf. "I'm pretty bad at Kiss and Tell. Clearly." 

"You two fucking suck! STAN, CAN WE ORDER PIZZA?!" Kenny called out right after, turning everyone's attention to him with the quick subject change. 

Kyle didn't care, he couldn't keep his eyes off Cartman. Just as fast as that reaction came it was gone. He was back to work, stone faced and serious. If the ginger had blinked he might have missed the switch. 

_What the hell was that?_

"I'm not buying you pizza. Get a job and buy your own pizza. Slutty, cross eyed beggar." Stan teased shoving Kenny to the side so he could sit on the couch too. 

Wendy was already pulling out her phone. "Stan don't be an ass or I'll tell them what _your_ bottom face looks like. What toppings do you guys want?" 

"All of them, so back to Stan's bitch face?..." Kenny asked leaning forward on the couch expectantly. 

Wendy grinned at him and held up her middle finger as she pretened to scratch her face. "I'm gonna get meat lovers for the carnivores in the room and cheese with mushroom for the vegetarians, plus Kyle. Sound good Kyle?" 

The ginger was pulled away from his overanalyzing and somewhat creepy staring. "Huh? Oh yeah. That's fine." He forced himself to stop being weird and move to the couch to sit next to Stan. He reached his hand down casually lacing their fingers together. He felt a little more relaxed with the feeling of heat on his palm and Stan's slightly larger hand closing over his. 

When he looked over his friend had his eyebrow raised, head slightly quirked to the side looking Kyle up and down with a questioning face. He leaned down closer to his ear. "Dude, is that Cartman's jacket?" He asked quietly. 

There goes his cheeks again bursting with color. Having had just about enough of that Kyle reached up and unzipped the annoying jacket, letting go of Stan's hand for a second so he could shimmy the too large coat off his body. He put it over the back of the couch so Cartman could just grab it whenever he wanted. 

"It was just for a second." He said back softly as if he had to defend his actions. 

Even though Stan's house was heated and lively with many bodies shoved into the front room, Kyle instantly felt just a little colder. He went back to holding Stan's hand, leaning against his body against the still doubtful boy and glared at the wall in front of him for no reason. 

Why was this last day so _confusing_ ? Well not really confusing, just annoying. Kyle promised himself he wouldn't do this. He swore it three years ago when he first recognized that stupid heart flutter. That treacherous falling stomach feeling. When he ran smack into Cartman the first day of eighth grade after not seeing him for half a summer only to find he got taller than him in just those two months. His weight was _just_ starting to redistribute and it did something stupid to Kyle's bi panicked brain. 

He swore to himself right then and there he could think anyone else was hot. Anyone. Kenny. Butters. Craig. Whatever it didn't matter. Any guy except Eric Cartman. It would never happen again. Except when it did and then it was time to suppress all that real hard because there were just too many cons involved. He was determined to kill it because if he had any say in the matter it was never going to be a crush. It was never going to be anything more than passing intrusive thoughts. Like when you randomly want to toss your phone out the car window for no good reason but your rational side keeps your impulses in check. 

For years that's worked fine, but now while Cartman was being forced to be all honest, emotional and fucking _kind_ the instances where popping up like daisies or dandelions. The more frequent the harder it was to weed them out. The more Kyle let himself notice stupid things. 

Like when Cartman was patching him up and being so cautious not to touch him too much, how he looked this morning totally caught off guard when he came storming into his bedroom, his hair unkempt and wild. On Cartman's floor when he hugged him and found himself in the larger teen's unfairly comfortable lap. Cartman making a comment about what Kenny looked like during sex as if he would _know_. Which suggested a lot. A lot, a lot. 

"... a lot…" 

"Dude. Hey, earth to Kyle?" Stan waved his hand in front of his face. 

"Huh? What? Yeah?" Kyle asked looking around. 

Pretty much everyone was staring at him. He totally didn't notice the group gathering around the tiny coffee table in front of him. Even Cartman had moved across from him to sit on the floor, all three kittens curled up in his lap. He was fixing his duel eyes on the ginger, confused and curious.

"Uh, you were mumbling to yourself? Cartman's about to explain the plan?" Stan stated, eyeing him up and down suspiciously. Shit he knew that face. Stan was gonna want to talk about this later. 

Kyle felt his cheeks burning. _Get your fucking act together dude you're over analyzing this. Cartman was just trying to fuck with Kenny using something Butters told him. It's nothing more than that. He's straight and you are fucking yourself._ "Sorry I got distracted. Go ahead." 

"Right." Cartman said as he kept glancing over to Kyle. "Like I was saying. We're pretty much having to combat the fake news these shit eating cops are feeding the local stations. Every adult in South Park, North Park and all the tiny mountain towns close to us watch those stations. They trust the information coming from them. There's no way we can compete with their reach. With the adults that is." He smirked and took out his phone pulling up Wendy's tik tok account. He placed the phone on the table for everyone to see.

"Luckily for us, our generation has a massive distrust of broadcast news and media. Since this fuck is going after teen guys we just need to target that demographic and warm _them,_ not the parents. Theres no one better to do that than a couple of local, popular influencers sending out a few captivating PSAs" he gestured to Wendy and Butters. 

The two looked a little shocked glancing at each other. 

"I really wouldn't call myself an Influencer, Cartman. I have like two thousand followers, I'm not like a _popular_ guy." Butters said bashfully. "I mean I'm nowhere near Wendy's level." 

It may have sounded like Butters wasnt giving himself enough credit but it was mostly true. The small town girl they grew up with was nearly fifty thousand followers strong. Her instagram and tik tok accounts captivate the feminist audience with her anecdotes on modern problems. She had the looks, the personality even having Stan as some arm candy helped her popularity. Maybe she wasn't massively viral but she was definitely popular in Colorado at least. Everyone at their school followed her. It was likely that popularity reached to the other towns near them as well. 

"It's fine Butters you have a different type of audience anyway. Plus it looks more valid when the information comes from multiple sources. Stan, you should put one out too. Since people follow your sad, eboy Tik Tok through Windy." 

Stan looked mildly offended "Oh and here I was thinking people followed me because of my abs." He said sarcastically. 

"I follow you for your abs, Stan." Kenny joked, winking at him. 

"Me too." Butters chimed in, batting his long, false lashes. He was leaning against Kenny's side, his head on the boy's shoulder as they both equally eyed Stan like he was a piece of meat. 

Kyle snorted trying to suppress his laugh and Stan rolled his eyes clearly wondering why he couldn't catch a break today.

"Thanks guys. It means a lot. _Especially_ when it's in front of my girlfriend." 

"Anyway! Back to catching the soon to be serial killer? Stan's abs aren't exactly top priority right now. You two can double team him in the barn later for all I care. Just don't fuck up Butters makeup before we shoot." Cartman bellowed trying to get back on track.

"You're right, Eric. That's actually a great idea!" Wendy chimed in after being lost in thought for a while. 

Cartman raised his eyebrow at her. "Kenny and Butters double teaming your boyfriend in the barn?" 

"Yeah, what the fuck Wendy?!" Stan asked voice raising at least three octaves. 

"What? No… although Stan already knows I'm totally fine with him sleeping with Kenny if he ever wanted to try it out." She added like it was no big deal.

"Only if you're there to watch babe." Kenny said, turning his flirtatious attention to her now. 

"I'm not fucking Kenny!" 

**_"Who said you'd be doing the fucking?"_** Wendy, Kenny, Butters and somehow Cartman all managed to ask at the same time.

Kyle sucked in air through his teeth. "They got you." 

Stan let go of Kyle's hand so he could throw his hands in the air dramatically realizing there was no winning here. 

Wendy smiled softly at the exacerbated boy and put her hand on his knee, squeezing it gently. Just a small act of reassurance that she was joking. Mostly. Even if they took breaks pretty frequently the two clearly had some destiny bond or something. They just kept coming back and loving each other more fiercely each time. They made each other better and Kyle could only wish for a fraction of that one day. 

"I was actually talking about the plan. It's a surprisingly good idea, Eric. We can get that information out quickly. It will spread fast and the best way to avoid a coward like this guy is to make sure everyone stays in a group. That includes _us…_ this is going to come with some risk, he could get really pissed were messing with him. If we do this then from now on none of us are out alone. That's the deal." Wendy said her tone shifting into serious, big sister mode. She looked everyone in the eye when she said it. 

Kyle nodded. "I think it's a solid plan. I'm willing to put up the pictures of my bruises in your videos but not my face. We HAVE to get this out or he's just going to do this again and it's clearly not guaranteed he'll let them go like he did me. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one he planned on doing that with. That's kind of what he was hinting at when he said I was lucky." He said looking back down at his hands. His bruised wrists were exposed now that he had taken Cartman's jacket off. Fuck probably his neck to. 

Everyone was staring at him. He hated it, knowing they were seeing some major weakness he had no control over. 

"I'm certain he's done with just rape. He's killed now so after he comes down from that high he's just going to do it again. Actually I don't think you were his first and he just happened to let you go. I bet anything you were his _last_ to be let go." Cartman said eyes locked on Kyle. 

"You think what he did to Kyle, he's done that shit before?" Stan asked. Kyle watched the normally calm boy lock his jaw in anger. 

Cartman nodded. "Well yeah. He was precise, didn't panic or get overly excited. He knew what drug to bring and how much to give. He was confident enough to drive Kyle home after. He also stalked him before that. That sound like it was his first rodeo to you?" He said it all like that conclusion should have been obvious to everyone else in the room.

Wendy started eyeing Cartman suspiciously, a slightly disgusted look on her face. She clearly didn't appreciate how nonchalant his tone was about this. "It's creepy how well you can read a guy like that. Guess crazy knows crazy though." 

Kyle turned his head to glare at her. Damn it he knew this shit was going to happen. He didn't even have time to stop it.

Cartman's eyes narrowed as he turned his attention to Wendy. "Yeah Wendy, you caught me. The guy is secretly my soul twin and we make friendship bracelets in astral space when we dream. It's really emotional and shit. We talk about how fun it is to shoot people in the head because we're fucking _crazy_. Yeah it's that and not just me benge watching the Murder Porn channel so I have a basic fucking understanding of criminal psychology." 

"Oh I get it now. I was wondering why you would want to be involved in this so badly and now I understand. You don't care about Kyle, this is just something _fun_ for you to do. You get to play detective and catch the bad guy, is that it?" Wendy asked, her tone steadily rising. 

Cartman slammed his hands onto the coffee table without any warning scaring the kittens in his lap so bad they all jumped up and scattered. He looked incredibly pissed. "THE ONLY FUN THING ABOUT THIS IS HOW _FUN_ ITS GOING TO BE TO BUST THIS PSYCHOIC ASSHOLE'S NUTS UNDER MY BOOT WHEN I FUCKING FIND HIM!" he screamed leaning over so he was face to face with her. 

"You're just desperate for some justified violence aren't you? You're not a fucking vigilante! You don't get to constantly use good causes to do bad things then call yourself a good person!" She countered not even flinching.

"I'm not a GOOD person! I'm a very very NOT good person! Which is what we need right now because if _you_ found this guy you'd probably just try to give him a lecture and insist he turn himself in. _I'm_ going to do what needs to be done and I'm not going to miss a fucking wink of sleep for it." He said with a condescending smirk on his face. He truly meant what he was saying. 

"You are a _fucking_ psycho." Wendy said as coldly as possible not flinching or backing down from Cartman's death glare. 

"Wendy, shut the fuck up!" Kyle screamed. 

Both Wendy and Cartman turned toward him in bewilderment. 

"But, Kyle…" Wendy's voice was so soft, slightly embarrassed as she looked from him to Stan for support.

"No! I already said it outside! Cartman is helping. You are helping. If either of you don't want to do that then fucking leave, but if you're staying you're getting along! So apologize because I want to move the fuck on already!" He shouted, absolutely done with all the accusations and attacks. 

Cartman scowled. "I'm not apologizing to her! She's a rude bitch to put it fucking mildly!" 

Kyle's furious green eyes snapped over to Cartman nearly making him flinch. "Fucking do it, Cartman." 

He swallowed fearfully and turned back to the still shocked girl. "Wendy I am terribly sorry. Please be in the tik tok so we can all stop a murderer. Clearly that is what is important here. My mistake." His words were stiff and rehearsed with about as much feeling as a cashier asking how your day was but at least he said it. 

Wendy took a deep breath. She hesitated, closing her eyes and taking her time to think about what to say. Finally she sighed and looked back to him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you a psycho. The plan is a good idea and I'm happy to be a part of it. For Kyle." 

"Damn, dude. Now you should make them kiss, like back in the third grade." Kenny added.

The two both gagged at the idea turning fully away from each other. 

"Not on her life." Cartman muttered. 

Wendy gave him an exaggerated, sarcastic grin and the finger. 

"We're not shooting a porn, Kenny. Do we have everything to make them today before it gets too late? My parents will probably want me back home." Kyle asked hopeful they could get to what they came there for. 

"Mine too, I still have a five PM curfew." Butters said mournfully. 

"I got my good video camera. Stan you probably have yours too right? We can also use your computer to edit."

Stan nodded. "Yeah use whatever. Anything that can help." 

"We should make Butter's first before his dad breaks down the front door and kills Kenny for alleged kidnapping." Cartman said getting up and cracking his knuckles. 

"Aw, I don't think he would do that! Don't worry Kenny, I think my dad might be warming up to you a-a little. You haven't broken his nose in months!" Butters leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

"That's great, Buttercup." Kenny said though it sounded like he seriously doubted that. Kyle knew Stephen had actually shot at him a few times. He seemed like the type of guy to actually try and kill Kenny if he wasn't such a lousy shot. 

Kyle braced his hands on the couch to stand up his legs still felt like shit even after the pain meds. "We should get started then. Cartman the pictures you took at the hospital are fine right?" 

He seemed to think about it for a minute, opening his phone to see what he had. Cartman made an unsatisfactory noise before putting it away. "They are kind of off angle. I could use some more dramatic shots but they'll work." 

There was a second where Kyle nearly offered to let Cartman take more without any hesitation. As if it wasn't a big deal at all. He paused though, the idea of posing for any more pictures made his stomach ache painfully. "You sure?" Kyle didn't like how he sounded so childish and weak. 

Cartman nodded at him somberly "You don't have to. I've got it." He leaned over close to Kyle not looking away from him to grab his jacket.

Kyle mentaly stomped on all the dandelions popping up in his head, the ones making him blush, his heart palpitating at the closeness. Cartman's sweet reassurance that he wouldn't have to take anymore pictures if he couldn't handle it. 

Next to him, Stan's eyes were darting back and forth incredulously between his two friends as he caught the little moment. Kyle could hardly look at him after.

For the next half hour the circus of friends worked together to make the best informative and persuading videos they could. Stan, Cartman and Wendy wrote the script. Kyle, Kenny and Butters set up a more solemn but casual looking background for Butters. They moved all of kittens and cats out of the room much to Cartman's disapproval. Kyle noticed him paying extra close attention to a tiny, fluffy black and white kitten that liked crawling up his pants legs to his shoulder. It was small enough to just sit inside his large hands. 

The kitten screamed loudly as he took it to the door to evict the poor thing with its siblings. 

"Why are you crying? So fucking loud." He asked glaring at it.

"Meowww!" 

"What?!" 

"MEOWWW!"

"WHAT?!" 

" _MEOWWWW_." 

Cartman lost his tough, angry composure, laughing so softly it practically took Kyle's breath away. He couldn't help but watch the exchange with fascination.

Cartman turned the little kitten over in his hand examining it. "Tch knew it. Just a whiny, needy bitch."

"MEOWWWW"

"I'm gonna call you Needi Bitch. Eh STAN! I'm naming this one Needi Bitch!" He said lifting the tiny potato in the air toward Stan's face. 

Stan looked less than amused. "That's not a name Cartman. You can't call her that. I was thinking like Cookie or something. She looks like an Oreo." 

"No way that's fucking generic as hell! It's a name if you replace the Y with an I when you spell it. Right Needi?" He asked the kitten, booping her nose and gently placing her in the covered patio room with the other cats.

Kyle felt himself smiling watching Cartman be so sweet and cute with such a tiny animal. The normally aggressive boy always did have a soft spot for cats especially. He shook his head going back to focusing on the video preparations. He really hated how he was letting himself get so distracted. Maybe he really needed the distraction though. 

After everything was finished they sat Butters down on the couch. He looked like a news reporter about to do an interview with a convicted criminal. The way he crossed his dainty legs and folded his hands in his lap.

"Ok Butters make sure you keep your eyes focused and serious. I know most of your content is fun and silly but we need that strong contrast. We're trying to save some unfortunate Jewish boy alright." Cartman directed behind the camera. 

The gray eyed boy nodded. "R-Right." He nibbled his lip nervously, casting a glance at Kenny who gave him a small smile for encouragement.

"Alright. Go." 

The camera clicked on. 

**Knock. Knock.**

Just as Butters opened his mouth to speak there were a few soft thuds at the door. 

Cartman groaned irritated and turned his camera off. "Fucking what _now_?"

"Oh that's my bad. I wasn't checking on the delivery app." Wendy mumbled walking up to the door. 

When she pulled it open Kyle caught sight of a cold, irritated Craig standing on the porch looking more tired than usual, wearing a dumb Pizza Boyos uniform and matching hat. He glanced down at Wendy then turned his gaze behind her, eyes cast over the film set with Butters on the couch and the squad all staring at him. 

"Are you fucks making porn?" He asked, his voice dry and uncaring. 

"What!? No! We're making tik toks!" 

"Whatever. I don't care. Here's your pizza." He said handing the stacks of boxes to the petite girl. 

"Ugh. Why would you ask then?" Wendy rolled her eyes and started back in the house toward the kitchen. Stan came behind her to shut the door but Craig stopped it with his foot and held his hand out. 

"Uh _no_. There's like six of you. Someone here has a fucking tip." He said eyes narrowed. 

"Yeah I got one: That outfit is stupid as hell. Burn it." Cartman quipped, earning himself an infamous finger from the pizza boy. 

Stan fished two twenties from his pocket handing them over. "Sorry about that uh… good luck and stuff, man." 

Craig looked down at the large tip. His normally deadpan face turning to surprise for a second. "Thanks…" he murmured, turning around and heading back to his beat up car with a very stupid looking animated pizza on top of it. 

Stan shut the door looking at it sadly. 

"What the hell's with that? It's not like he sucked your dick Stan no need to tip so fucking much." Cartman asked, eyebrows raised. 

"Dude you haven't heard? Tweak went into rehab last week. He's getting emancipated from his family. Craig's working like three jobs to pay for it. Heard he might drop out…" Kenny said, crossing his arms and shaking his head at the door. "This fucked up town, man. Who gets their kid addicted to meth and uses his sexuality to promote their business? That shit doesn't happen in other places." 

"Yeah my dad is representing him pro bono. They might open a lawsuit against his parents…" Kyle added getting up to get a plate. 

"Jesus. I bet they win and Tweak takes them for everything they got. That would be hilarious." Cartman snickered. 

"Can I get pizza too?" Butters asked, still in the same position on the couch. 

"No Butters! Not until you film your message. Stay fucking put, I swear to god!" 

"Aw. Fiddlesticks…" the boy pouted. 

"I'll get you a plate for after." Kenny promised winking at him. 

The rodeo of a group got back to work. Pizzas in hand as they filmed their messages and started editing. Cartman and Wendy only argued a little about how her's should look. Something about how one filter would look better over another but they were clearly both holding back in venomous attitude for Kyle's sake. Kenny would make jokes to lighten the mood as him and Butters found time to cuddle on the couch. Stan started up some music for background noise until eventually they were ready to post. 

Grease stained plates, soda cups and dialog papers were scattered across Stan's living room. Kyle felt so wrapped up in it all, the active life happening around him. He thought back to what Kenny said on the car ride over. _Family by choice._ That was a pretty great way to put it. Kyle needed his family now and just this morning he was pretty sure he wasn't going to get much support from his own. It was a heartbreaking reality but sitting here with five people he grew up with who were willing to cry and fight and plot revenge with him. He felt so much more whole. 

This guy didn't realize who he was fucking with. It wasn't just Kyle. He fucked with the people who cared about him most. That was going to be his mistake because this town had thrown so much at them over the years and they were still there, ready to kick the next ass of whatever idiot decided to come their way next. This guy might have the police in his pocket but he still was so eternally screwed. 

"Alright. It's uploaded. Now we just wait for the fallout. I hope it's in our favor." Wendy said, closing her laptop. 

Kyle let out a sigh feeling the nerves start prickling at his skin. "It'll fucking work. It's gotta… hope he pisses himself after this messes with his perfect little plan. Get famous now you twisted shitstain." 

"So now that we warned people what's our plan for catching this guy?" Stan asked thoughtfully as he put his arm around Wendy. "Like preventing another death is great and all but where do we go from here? We can't just let him continue walking around South Park like nothing happened."

Kyle agreed completely. This was just the start of his plan to mess this guy up and burn his plans to the ground. Eventually all this has to lead up to finding him. He wasn't sure he could continue going on with life knowing that guy is just out and able to even somewhat enjoy life. 

"We know he's connected to the police somehow. Related to one or working for them. We should start with our local precinct then work our way up, see who the hell brought this guy here." Cartman suggested. He reached into his bag and pulled out his old busted camera. "Kyle thinks the sound this lense makes is the same as the one he used to take pictures of him. This used to be a South Park Police Department evidence camera. I'd love to be as optimistic as to say maybe the guy wrote his name down in some kind of log book but it's doubtful. I mean if my mom's old boyfriend can sneak one out without getting caught it's probably not hard to do, it's just more proof he has police connections." 

Wendy lit up and instantly pulled her phone out. "I can look through the police department's social media accounts and log their family members close to the age of this guy! Police LOVE facebook. I bet if I do some digging I can find something." She exclaimed, already typing away at the screen. 

"Kevin dropped out of the police academy pretty early but he has some rookie friends still. I bet if I blackmail him about cheating on his girlfriend he'll spill something." Kenny said, looking pretty excited about messing with his older brother. 

Kyle smiled at his friends. Yeah this was it, the kind of support he needed. Without it he might actually get as bad as the kids Cartman described in the nutt house. Driven mad after having their body violated and soul crushed from uncaring people around them. 

"H-Hey I just want to say… um." Kyle interrupted their motivated plotting. He wanted to thank them, tell them how much all of this meant to him but he hesitated. It was such an emotionally charged statement. He felt the words catching in his throat. "I just…" 

Before he could force what he wanted to say out his phone started ringing in his pocket. He groaned, irritated and pulled it out. 

Fuck. The screen was a picture of his mom smiling at him and holding a baby Ike. He curled his lip up feeling the phone vibrate and ring in his hand. The idea of actually answering made him feel like he was sinking into a pit of tar. Still he swiped the green phone button and held it up to his ear. "Hey mom…" 

"Kyle! Where did you go I've been so worried about you. You're father said you were acting strange this morning and drove off with your friends! I'm not sure what to think about this behavior especially after yesterday and did you see the news. You need to come home right now we all have to be together and talk properly." Shelia sounded half frantic, half pleading. It made Kyle's heart fracture like pressure on glass. 

"I know. I just really needed some support from my friend's right now…" Kyle said stepping to the side ducking his head down so he didn't have to look at anyone. "Dad said he doesn't want to pressure the police." 

"Well, it's gotten very complicated bubba! He's trying to think like an adult and see what's best for you in the end. I know it might be easier to hang out with your friends pretending everything is normal but I need you home right now. We have to take out your suit anyway and make sure it still fits." 

Kyle's eyebrows drew down "What? Why?" 

"The poor Fein family is going to have their son's service here at our Synagogue, the day after tomorrow. That's the earliest the police will release his body. We should go and show our support." 

His eyes grew wide and fearful suddenly. Go to temple _now_?! See this kid's grieving family? His lifeless body that could so easily have been his own. Kyle put his hand on the wall already feeling shaken. "I don't… I'm not." 

A million thoughts burst into his mind. What if that guy shows up to gloat and he's there with his family who doesn't believe him. What if he panics in front of everyone? What if he sees the kid and throws up on him?! He couldn't do this alone.

"Kyle it's important we go. Someone in our community has been killed tragically. He was so close to your age too." 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "C-Can I bring someone?" Kyle asked somewhat frantically. 

There was a hesitation on the other end of the line. "Well it's not really a bring a friend type of event, Kyle. We're trying to support grieving members of the community. They will be sitting Shiva and it's very…" 

"Well! Shit… um." A sudden impulsive idea entered Kyle's mind. "I have a friend I think _really_ should go. He wants to convert to Judaism. He told me a few weeks ago." 

"Oh? Well I guess that's understandable. Who is it?" 

Kyle turned his eyes to his friends clearly listening in. "Eric Cartman." 

Cartman who was currently drinking soda at just the wrong time sucked the fizzy liquid into his lungs in shock. He spit it out instantly, mostly over Kenny and started hacking. He was doubled over in a violent coughing fit. Stan came up behind him, hitting on his back to make him breathe again.

"Really? That's quite a shock. I suppose he can come but I expect you boys to be on your best behavior. No shenanigans …and it's best if we didn't talk about… the _incident_ with anyone at Temple ok?" 

Kyle frowned, his eye twitching. He guessed his dad had convinced his mom that's all this was. Just an incident. She clearly lost or didn't want to find any of that drive or promise she had at the hospital yesterday. He should have known it wouldn't last. 

"You know me mom. It will be fine. I'll be home soon." 

"Okay. I hope to see you in the next hour or so. Love you, bubba." 

Normally Kyle would return the exchange but he found the motivation to do so empty. There was nothing he could do to make himself feel or say the words back to his mother. "Yeah. See you then." He hung up the phone and dropped his hand. 

"YOU SNEAKY, CONNIVING, JEW!" Cartman screamed soda still dripping from the side of his mouth as he tried to catch his breath. Kyle didn't even have the energy to glare at him. "I'M NOT STEPPING FOOT IN YOUR SYNAGOGUE! I'LL BE TAINTED!" 

"Don't psychos like this guy normally try to come to the funeral? I'm not trying to turn you Jewish Cartman, I'm just investigating. Don't be a pussy about it. Being Jewish isn't contagious. We can't sprinkle magic water on you, say a prayer and poof you into it either. It takes effort to convert. One visit is fine." 

Cartman opened his mouth and closed it several times like a gasping fish. It was actually pretty funny. He had no idea why he said Cartman's name and not Stan or Kenny but it was worth it to see that kind of reaction. 

"Anyway I have to get home. Apparently I might bring shame on the family again if they don't watch me." He said angrily, gripping his phone tight. 

Stan looked taken aback. "She said that to you?" 

Kyle shook his head. "No it just feels like that's what they're saying. I'm fucking over it. Butters you gotta go to right?" 

The boy who was helping Kenny clean his face of backwash soda frowned. "Yeah, it's about time I head out." 

As they gathered their things to leave Stan pulled Kyle into a tight hug. "Can we text tonight? Or call? We should talk…" he asked quietly. 

Kyle thought he might know what Stan wanted to talk about and he was definitely nervous. He nodded anyway and tried to smile. It probably looked more like a grimace though considering how sad his friends blue eyes looked. 

Cartman didn't say another word to him. He still looked like he was in a stupor. Too stunned by Kyle's lie to process it properly. 

Stepping out onto the porch Kyle felt the winter chill on his skin. It was already getting dark, the sun had settled behind the mountain on the opposite side of where it had been rising that morning. There was another shadow over the town falling on Kyle's back. He walked off the porch on unstable legs with icy breath and chapped lips looking up at the stars starting to appear above them. For the first time since he was small he wished. So hard and selfishly he wished that this would work. That his friend's efforts would help and that he could prove his parents wrong. 

_For once fucking listen to me. Let this work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cartman is going to Temple yall! 
> 
> I'm so so excited for the next chapter I've been planning it since I started the fic and I cannot wait to get it out to you guys! I hope it wont take another week. Sorry about that I burnt myself pretty bad but I'm healing now! 
> 
> Thank you for reading please feel free to comment it makes me super happy to know what you guys think!


	7. Snowfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle has a late night chat with Stan and wonders about how he could have gotten so close to someone he used to hate. 
> 
> Stan is a furry, go figure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! I am so sorry for not uploading a chapter sooner and I'm sorry it's not the funeral chapter that I've been working on. I felt like I needed the one first so here it is! 
> 
> Holiday week as an 'essential worker' really caught up to me. But I have the whole story outlined now!!! So I know how many chapters there's going to be and everything! Yay! 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading!
> 
> libbywednesday betta read this chapter for me and I'm SO thankful! 
> 
> Check out her ongoing fic Bloodlust it's awesome. Kyle is a vampire that's kick ass. I love her other works to my personal favorite is Maybe If I Do :)

Kyle

  
  


The stark contrast between the lively, determined atmosphere of Stan's house and coming back into his own was almost jarring. 

Again it was too quiet and dreary. His mom and dad were talking in the living room, going quiet when he walked in. Ike darted out of the kitchen where he had probably been eavesdropping. 

Kyle hadn't seen Ike at all since the night of the attack; the ten year old ran right for him and wrapped his arms around his brother's middle as soon as he walked in. He squeezed him tightly and buried his face in Kyle's stomach. It was obvious the boy was struggling to not cry, sniffling and fighting the small, hot tears pricking his eyes. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Kyle. I'm so so sorry!" He whimpered the words sounding so much smaller than he had in years. Ike almost never sounded like a normal kid, he'd been saying the weirdest shit imaginable since he could speak. In this moment though, he was just a traumatized ten year old clinging to his brother. 

"What? Hey…" Kyle knelt down and wiped the tears off Ikes face. He felt so utterly disappointed in himself for letting his brother fester in this guilt all day. "Don't do that, Ike. It's not your fault ok? Shit just happens sometimes. Especially here, you know that. Don't blame yourself." 

Ike took in a shaky breath and gave Kyle a small nod before wrapping his arms around his neck to hug him again. Kyle pulled him into the embrace, at least he still felt something for his brother even if his emotional connection to his parents seemed to be cut off. 

"Kyle. Don't listen to them. They're wrong about you. Someone called them this morning!" Ike whispered urgently into his ear. 

Kyle's eyes widened but he tried not to say anything, seeing his dad walk up to them. 

"Ike, we told you to go wait in your room." Gerald scolded, crossing his arms, looking down at his two sons' comforting embrace with disappointment. 

Ike pulled away and sniffled dramatically. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to see Kyle." He pouted, using his adorable kid face to try and sway his father. 

Gerald raised his eyebrow. "That's fine and admirable son but go back upstairs. Me and your mother need to talk to Kyle alone." 

The tiny boy signed and gave Kyle a forlorn look before slowly walking toward the stairs. He kept glancing back at Kyle, hesitating in his steps as if trying to delay his brothers inevitable emotional trauma further. Kyle silently thanked him for that but after a day with his friends the ginger's inner fire felt ignited. He was ready to take this on. 

Kyle rose back up to his feet and openly glared up at Gerald. He was the only one in his group who hadn't grown taller than his father. He had his mother's shorter genes but that didn't stop him from attempting to look as imposing as possible. He wasn't about to take any crap from him. 

In the next hour Kyle was a little worried his neighbors might call the cops. There was a LOT of screaming. Kyle started it but he had to! His dad kept trying to elude to just pretending none of this had ever happened. Just ignore it and deal with it as a family. Which meant not dealing with it or talking about it at all. 

Kyle would scream at his father then his mother would scream or cry at him and then his father would scream about his mother being upset. It was a stalemate back and forth for a while. 

Finally, Sheila broke down into hysterical tears pleading. "KYLE, WE ARE TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!" 

She left after that, running up the stairs and into the main bedroom slamming the door shut. Kyle and Gerald winced at the sound. 

Gerald sighed. "Kyle, you don't understand but we are trying to be the best parents for you that we can. It isn't that I don't believe you… it's that I don't want this to label you. Whatever happened that night, if you went out rebelling a little or whatever it doesn't reflect who you really are and I'm doing everything I can to make sure no one gets the wrong idea!" 

Kyle felt his teeth grind painfully in his mouth, his jaws locked together in anger. His phone was constantly going off in his back pocket chiming from multiple texts. " _ You _ have the wrong idea about me. I'm fucking done. You don't want to talk about it anymore? You wanna move on?! Okay! From this moment on you're dead to me as a confidante. I wont say another fucking word about  _ it _ or anything else important in my life to you  _ ever _ !" 

With that Kyle went upstairs. He made sure to slam his door just as hard and dramatic as his mom had. His hands were balled into fists and he felt his body shaking with rage. His phone still vibrating with messages in his pocket. 

He pulled it out and went to his bed, sitting curled up on it, his knees pulled to his chest. Opening his phone, he saw a flood of texts. Some from Stan since he promised they could talk tonight but there were at least a dozen from Cartman's number. 

In Kyle's phone, Cartman's picture of him was taken at a KFC. He looked caught off guard, a chicken leg in one hand and his fingers shoved in his mouth. He definitely looked stupid. His name wasn't even Cartman, it was just Fat Ass. It made Kyle's lip twitch, despite the anger and frustration he couldn't help but be affected by this idiots antics. 

**You just got home and your dad's already raising hell? Are you Butters?**

**Wow! Omfg. Holy shit now you guys are gonna be the crazy family on the street if you keep that up. Kenny's parents can't hold their title for long with that shit going on.**

**Hey your moms shrill ass voice is hurting my head tell her to shut the fuck up.**

**Seriously you guys are so fucking loud Stan is gonna hear you.**

**Lol wow I thought your mom was bad you have a set of lungs on you Jew.**

**Also you got vomit on my jacket so thanks for that.**

**Are you winning? Kinda sounds like you're winning.**

**Was that your mom walking up stairs and slamming her door or did Colorado get its first earthquake?**

**I bet our other friendly neighbors are getting a real kick out of this.**

**You alright Jew? It got quiet.**

**Fuck them Kyle.**

Kyle read over the texts and pulled a pillow up to his chest. He wanted to reply but he felt such an uncomfortable slurry of emotions for Cartman right now and they did not mix well with the stress he was currently under. Seriously, it was like having emotion indigestion. 

Instead, he pulled up Stan's texts. Stan would be a lot easier to deal with. He wouldn't be an emotionally confusing mess.

**Hey I know you just left but really call me whenever. I just feel like we haven't gotten to talk about this and I'm here if you need me.**

**You can tell me anything, Kyle. You know that, right? Like even if it's not about what happened cus I know by now you're probably pretty sick of talking about it. But we can.**

**Or if you wanted to tell me what's up with you and Cartman instead.**

Kyle glared at his phone. God fucking damn it Stan. Weren't there more pressing matters to deal with?! A kid actually died! 

He rolled his eyes but decided to call him anyway. It was best if he could just explain everything so it wouldn't be a big deal. 

_ I mean it's not a big deal. There isn't anything going on, it's just Cartman being supportive and that's weird but it's also not so crazy. We're friends and he's allowed to be concerned.  _

The phone only had to ring a few times before Stan picked up. 

"Hey. I was starting to think maybe you were too tired to call." Stan said softly. His voice was reassuring, they had lots of late night talks like this over the years. Confessions and advice seeking. Sometimes even talking each other down from depressed ledges. Though normally it was Stan in need of support and Kyle was the one helping. 

"I would probably have called sooner but my parents decided to read me the raped child riot act." He said voice coated in sarcastic anger. 

The other end was silent for a second. "Unbelievable. I can't fucking comprehend why they are doing this. I mean wasn't your Mom just ready to tear down the whole station  _ yesterday _ ? What happened?" 

Kyle sat up a little straighter. "Well that's the weird thing! Ike told me someone called them this morning? Maybe someone told them I really was out whoring myself? They seem to be pretty convinced I'm lying about that now… maybe it was him?" He bit his lip squeezing the pillow he had close to his chest. His body felt chilled to the bone at the idea of this guy getting close enough to his family to call them. 

"I swear to God when we find this guy, Kyle, he's going to be unrecognizable. I just… fuck I don't think I've gotten to say sorry yet? I just… I don't even know how to tell you how pissed I am for you. You're really being-" 

"Dont! Don't… just do  _ not _ tell me that I'm being brave. I seriously cannot deal with that. I'm not brave I'm just… I'm just still here." Kyle pleaded. He couldn't stand to hear it one more time. 

"Okay. I won't say it. I'm really going to fuck this guy up though." Stan said. His tone was unusually dark and serious. 

Kyle smiled, once again feeling that much needed support after being shut down so hard by his parents. "Yeah we'll all have to flip a coin to see who goes first. That or we'll have to fight Cartman for a turn." 

_ Fuck. Why would you say his name?! Don't bring him up!  _ Kyle chastised himself.  _ You'll make it seem like you WANT to talk about him! And you don't! _

"Yeah it's actually kind of terrifying to think about what Cartman might have planned. He's really pissed. So uh… speaking of him…" Stan not so smoothly transitioned the conversation.

Kyle instantly felt his hair stand on end and his heart start to race. 

"There's nothing going on! He just loaned me his jacket because I stormed over to his house in my pajamas this morning, like an idiot." Kyle jumped into an explanation so unprompted and quick even  _ he _ got suspicious about it. 

"Uh huh… and you were wearing it after you changed because...?" Stan clearly wasn't buying it. He knew Kyle better than anyone and right now he knew something was up.

"I uh… ugh it's  _ nothing _ . It doesn't mean anything! I mean he's just being pretty cool and... actually I found all those pictures he took of us, that summer we went camping." Kyle quickly remembered, changing the subject. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the little square photograph he stole from Cartman that morning. It was still captivating to look at.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Stan pondered. Kyle could easily picture his 'Don't even try to bullshit me' face.

"... They were really good. I can't believe he never showed us. I guess I did kind of break his camera but he's got like a real talent for it. Can't believe he doesn't brag about it more. Here, hold on I'm sending you a picture." 

Kyle pulled his phone camera up and held out the photograph. He snapped a quick picture of it and quickly sent it to Stan. 

"Check this one out. Like why the hell wouldn't he talk about taking this? Isn't it weird that he just hid them?" Kyle asked eyebrows drawn in as he continued to stare at the oddly aesthetic image. It just seemed so emotional, that one second when he was looking at Cartman calmly. A moment of peace between them immortalized on a flimsy piece of plastic and paper. Instead of showing it off, the fat ass just kept it under his bed for three years. 

"Wow." Stan said, clearly impressed after he got the text. "Yeah that's pretty damn good. You look like a model." 

The teen sounded slightly in awe, but clearly not as blown away as Kyle was. "Maybe he just didn't want you to know he saw you like that? I mean, to take a picture like this you have to be  _ looking _ right?" 

Kyle felt his cheeks heat up and he stayed quiet for a while, contemplating. "He doesn't look at me like this…" 

Even as he said it he knew that had to be at least partially untrue. There was the proof right in his hands. There were more under Cartman's bed right now. 

Stan didn't say anything. For a second Kyle thought the line may have dropped as they both fell into a stand off silence. Either that or Stan wanted to say something but he was trying to think it over carefully first. A rarity since he was prone to emotionally impulsive statements.

"Hey Kyle, do you remember last spring? When Cartman was still gone and you wanted me to go to that concert with you but I said I didn't have any money? You called bullshit on me because you knew I just got paid for working on the farm. Then I kind of had to admit I spent two hundred dollars on a commission for my fursona?" 

Kyle raised his eyebrow and looked around his room awkwardly. "Uh yeah, Stan. I do remember when you made me go to a concert with Kenny and Butters who left me to fuck in a strangers van because you spent  _ two hundred dollars _ on a furry picture. What the fuck does that have to do with-" 

"I'm just saying! Like, I had to admit something kind of weird about what I like and you didn't judge me about it. Now I can talk to you about being a furry and you don't care!" Stan sounded like he might have a point to this somewhere but it was far from Kyle's sight. 

"It's still weird. What are you even getting at?" The uncomfortable teen asked, glaring at his phone. He didn't think he would like where this was going at ALL. 

"Maybe so but you still don't judge me. So uh… if you told me you liked Cartman… I wouldn't judge you. It's just as weird as me being a furry." 

Kyle's jaw fell slack and his face drained of color at Stan's blatant accusation. "Are you fucking kidding me?! First of all I  _ don't _ like Cartman! Second you can't compare liking a guy to spending money on a digital image of you as a black lab jacking off!!!" 

"It's a Flat-Coated Retriever, Kyle! Jesus. Also I totally can! Look I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. It sorta, really seems like you're trying to NOT like Cartman. Not that you DON'T like him. So I'm just saying you can tell me, it's fine. I'm not going to say anything  _ ever _ . You're my best friend, you can talk to me." 

Kyle slumped over on his bed feeling the fresh sheets under his cheek. Sheets Cartman had snuck into his room to help him change. He closed his eyes and felt how tense his face was, so instinctually angry and defensive. He wanted to fall down into a pit and never return. Stan was too goddamn insistent and he knew he was going to be as soon as he saw him look at Cartman that way. 

"I don't like him. I don't think I do anyway? I think I'm just being really gay and emotionally vulnerable. I just… ugh I think, I might, maybe think he's attractive or something?" Kyle admitted feeling his cheeks burning against the hand he had on his face. It was SO much worse to admit it out loud. His heart was going crazy.

"Wow. That's really fucking weird, Kyle. You sure you don't just maybe have a crush on him?" Stan said, totally serious. 

"HEY! YOU  _ JUST  _ SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO JUDGE ME!" Kyle screeched into the phone. The fucking NERVE of this furry eboy!

Stan laughed on the other end. "I'm not! I kind of figured you felt that way and not just because of the jacket. If I'm being honest I got the impression after he got locked up last year? I mean we all missed the psycho but you seriously drove up there every week dude. You don't think that means anything?" 

Kyle held his breath. "NO! I just felt stupidly guilty that I didn't help him out when he was running from the cops!" 

That was why he went to visit him! Right?...

"Dude, honestly. If you're telling me you don't actually like him and you  _ just _ think Cartman is hot I might have to judge you a little bit." 

"What the fuck, Stan?! I'm hanging up." Kyle pulled the phone away from his face scowling. He couldn't believe his so called best friend would say something so fucking truthful and supportive! He was supposed to call him crazy and slap some sense into him dammit!!!

"Wait, Kyle hold on! I'm sorry!" 

Kyle hesitated, his finger hovering over the end call button. He sighed. "I'm listening." 

"I just wanted to tell you it's not the most out there thing, okay? You guys have always been sorta drawn to each other. In my DEEPEST opinion; you could do WAY better. Like so so so much better, but admittedly I don't think it's the weirdest thing to happen. Considering you sorta obsess over him and have since we were kids." Stan said that last part pretty fast, like he wanted to make sure Kyle heard it in case he still decided to hang up. 

The mortified ginger almost did hang up but he decided trying to defend himself would be better. "What!? I don't  _ obsess  _ over Eric Cartman!" 

"Bitch. Yes you do." Stan stated with complete confidence. 

"Name ONE time I've ever obsessed over him!" 

"Kyle, I could make a twenty something season long series of the times you have obsessed over Cartman. How about when he pretened to have Tourette’s and no one cared but you? Actually everyone thought it was pretty funny except for you. Or what about when he started dating Heidi and you just went nuts trying to break them up?" 

"He was being an asshole making fun of people! I had to stop that shit! Cartman was HORRIBLE to Heidi and I had a crush on her." Kyle tried to rationalize. There were valid fucking reasons for all the times he had tried to stop Cartman's antics. 

"You hardly knew Heidi and you definitely didn't care until she was with Cartman. How about all the times you just INSISTED on making a bet with him when he said stupid things no matter what the stakes were? The fucking leprechaun incident for one! I don't care if Cartman told me the sky is purple and we could just walk outside to prove it and he would shovel the barn for a month if he was wrong. I'm not risking having to suck his balls." Stan was starting to sound tired at this point like he was presenting a class project he had no interest in. "Dude there are tons of other times but how about I just sum it up to you freaking out every time Cartman is gone for more than ten minutes? Visiting him every week when he was gone and moping around the whole six months? You basically mourned him longer than I mourned my Dad and he wasn't even dead." 

Kyle felt like his face might just melt off in embarrassment. There was nothing more horrifying than Stan. Oblivious, HIMBO Stan telling him his attraction and fucked up infatuation was so blatant. No matter how hard Kyle had suppressed it. That he had picked up on it for  _ years _ , maybe even before Kyle had. 

"I-I didn't MOPE around! I was  _ studying _ , he left at the start of the last semester! Are you seriously trying to tell me you think I have some massive crush on our friend  _ CARTMAN _ ? The same one who has tried to KILL US multiple times?! Who shits on me for being a Jew  _ constantly! Who I have been fighting with since we learned to speak?!"  _ Kyle angrily whispered into his phone. He was flaming red and shaking with anger. 

"Yeah I kind of think I am. I mean he hasn't tried to kill us in a few years but fine, if you want some more proof how about how you've been acting around him since he got out? You guys hang out all the time now! Like you have been at his house twice a week since August!" Stan said insistently. 

Kyle paused. He swallowed the anger down and sat up slowly in his bed. 

_ Fuck _ . 

These last few months couldn't count. Cartman just got out of the hospital. He was gone for half a year. Kyle was just helping him find his way back into life in South Park. He was helping him with his schoolwork!

Nothing had seriously happened while they hung out. I mean… maybe a few times? Damn it he had gotten so good at suppressing his feelings he wasn't really sure anymore. Were those moments or  _ moments?! _

Kyle still remembered when he first saw him back at school. He knew he was going to be there, he'd been out for a while at that point but it was still such a shock seeing Eric Cartman back in the hallways, walking around like he had never left. Like he hadn't missed half of sophomore year. 

* * *

_ Before first bell when the hallway was slightly crowded, students were gathering at their lockers chatting, no one was stressing about grades or homework the first day. The atmosphere was peaceful when Kyle spotted Cartman. He was being lead by the vice principal into the front office. It wasn't like Kyle hadn't seen him since he got out, they had hung out the part of summer that was left after he was released. _

_ Most of that time was spent helping Stan rebuild his farm and deal with his loss. Having weird animal rescue adventures. Playing video games and driving the three of them around for no good reason other than to not be around their parents. Almost normal teen boy shit.  _

_ The change in Eric Cartman might have gone mostly unnoticed to people who knew him only in passing. He was still obnoxious and rude, ready to insult you to your face any chance he could get. It was more quiet now though, he looked tired all the time. He didn't ramble on about stuff no one understood but him. He didn't bust down their doors at odd hours talking crazy with some delusional idea about imaginary monsters or conspiracies. He hadn't had any unwarranted bursts of rage.  _

_ Despite all that he'd still find ways to get under Kyle's fucking skin for fun. They still argued constantly, Cartman was just less INSANE about it. It was the same amount of annoying with less of the violence. _

_ The most noticeable difference was the shocking lack of bravado his psychotic friend was known for. Cartman used to be able to jump into anything, believing wholeheartedly that he was the best at it. Even if that was the furthest thing from the truth. Now Kyle noticed him hesitating, overthinking, looking totally unsure even with things the typically arrogant bastard knew how to do.  _

_ Right then for example Cartman was clenching his backpack to his chest tightly. Looking around the high school hallways he had been walking for two years like it was some foriegn warzone and he was being taken prisoner. Kyle watched with fascination as the freaked out teen was guided into the office and the door shut behind him.  _

_ When the bell rang and everyone started running off to class, Kyle stalled. He compulsively waited around the corner watching the door. He knew he should have just gone to class. It was the first day and he needed to make a good impression and none of this was his business. He had no good reason for being there other than curiosity.  _

_ After about ten minutes right before Kyle was about to call it quits and give up, the office opened again and Cartman awkwardly stepped out. He was holding a large stack of books and assignment packets, looking at the collection in his hands in shock. Still managing to glare at the principle when he patted Cartman on the shoulder and sent him off. He turned and started heading for the same corner Kyle was snooping at.  _

_ Kyle panicked. He started to go down the hall then decided to turn around. He wasn't sure which direction would make him look less suspicious. In his confused state he miscalculated how quickly Cartman would make it around the corner and the two crashed into each other.  _

_ The books and papers Cartman was holding went flying. Scattering around them in a shower of homework and misery. _

_ "WHAT THE FUCK!? WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" Cartman screamed before he could even tell who he knocked into.  _

_ "Sorry, I was trying to get to class! You fucking watch where you're going, fat ass! You practically take up half the hall!" Kyle screeched back at him. He bent down and started to help pick up the papers anyway cheeks heating in embarrassment, knowing he was definitely at fault here. Not that Cartman needed to know that.  _

_ Cartman did a double take when he realized exactly who he had run into. He groaned and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Are you fucking kidding me? Clumsy, sneaking, Jew. You are the reason I can't have nice things, Khal!" _

_ Kyle glared at him and started to pick the books up faster. "Screw you! Maybe put some shit in your locker then! What even is this…" he looked at one of the books in his hand. A geometry textbook from last year… actually. Kyle looked around picking up other textbooks from sophomore year and the thick assignment packets that went along with them.  _

_ "What's up with all of this?" He asked again, genuinely curious as he handed the stuff back to Cartman.  _

_ "None of your fucking business is what it is! _ "  _ Cartman snatched the papers away from Kyle, sending him daggers with his bi-colored eyes. _

_ "... Is this all your make up work?" He guessed looking around at the mess as Cartman desperately went grabbing for all of it.  _

_ He stalled in picking up a biology book glaring at the floor and refusing to meet Kyle's eyes. "It's like I said. It's none of your business."  _

_ "How much do you have to do? Are they going to hold you back?" Kyle asked, flipping through one of the packets. He knew most of the questions, he had this class first semester last year and he aced it.  _

_ Cartman pulled the paper from his hands. "Could you not?! Pretty sure they wouldn't hand me all this bullshit if they were just going to hold me back. If you fucking MUST know, you nosy Jew. I have to recover my lost credits and take the tests I missed. The school board doesn't exactly take 'Self discovery in mandatory lock up.' as a proper excuse for missing a whole semester."  _

_ Kyle raised his eyebrow at the candor Carman was showing. He seemed frustrated as he sat in the middle of the hallway looking lost amid the storm of papers. Kyle felt a pang of sympathy. Cartman would have to do double the work now if he wanted even a hint of a chance at graduating with them and he was never known to be the best student. A procrastinator and bullshitter most of the time.  _

_ "So you have to do all this on top of your classes now? Think you can handle it?" Kyle picked up the last book before his friend could. He held it to his chest instead of handing it to Cartman, forcing him to stay in the hallway longer.  _

_ Cartman scowled looking Kyle up and down but his hands were too full to make a grab for the book. "Yeah I can handle it! I mean how hard can it be? It's just a whole semester of extra work. Twice the amount of tests in December. Extra homework each night even though my meds make me sleep twelve hours a day. OH! And let's not forget at least one day out of my week is dedicated to mandatory therapy. I bet this will be a fucking breeze! FUCK OFF KHAL! IT'S NOT FUNNY! GIVE ME MY FUCKING BOOK!"  _

_ "I'm not making fun of you, you absolute troglodyte! I'm trying to offer to HELP you. You know, be your tutor!" Kyle stated as if it was the most obvious thing. He started walking down the hall toward his first class, he was already so late but that didn't seem to matter now. He could just use the excuse that he forgot where the classroom was since it's the first day. What was happening now was a lot more interesting than Algebra. _

_ "Why would YOU ever want to help me? What the fuck are you angling at?" Cartman asked, voice steeped in suspicion.  _

_ "Dude, colleges eat that whole tutor thing up. If I tell them I risked my neck tutoring a dangerous, psychotic arson because that's just how much I believe in the power of education? Pfft I'll have scholarships raining down on me." He turned his mischievous green eyes on Cartman winking at him. "Turning your whole mess into at least a B student? I could do that in my sleep. Trust me, this is way more for me than you."  _

_ The proper excuse flooded from Kyle's mouth so easily. It was a great excuse. Completely believable and it was even somewhat true. Funny how he hadn't thought of it until he was saying it though.  _

_ Cartman looked blankly at Kyle and started to quietly follow him down the hall. "Hmm let me think about it. No. Give me my book."  _

_ Kyle whipped around shocked at first and then pissed off. "You sure about that? You want to know the other kids who are available tutors? Here's your plentiful options: There is Token, you would have to convince him AND compete with his football schedule. Then there's Wendy who would definitely do it but at what cost to your ego? So take your pick."  _

_ Kyle could see Cartman grinding his teeth as he fumed. He stood there, staring at the cocky ginger, stuck in an impossible situation. Like a mouse on a glue trap and Kyle was the only one holding the oil to pry him free. _

_ "I don't need to be the subject for your college essays. Fuck off. I'd rather fail." Cartman started to walk past him, eyes ahead up clearly avoiding his almost helpful friend.  _

_ Kyle frowned, watching him go. There was no way Cartman was just going to blow off his offer. Not if he had anything to say about it. "I'll do it for free dude and I won't tell anyone. You're going to get held back." He said softly and serious.  _

_ The larger teen hesitated. Stopping in the hall his back turned to Kyle as he thought his position over again. Cartman didn't really care about school but he cared about his pride and getting out of South Park into college as soon as possible. He talked about it a lot so Kyle knew. He didn't want to stay here any longer than necessary. He wanted to make money, lots of it and leap into the world.  _

_ Cartman whipped around and headed for the ginger. He was stupidly taller than him by a good six inches. Fucking rude of God to do that to Kyle really. He glared hard down at his shorter friend. "You don't tell ANYONE. You come over twice a week and if I don't see fucking results, you're fired, Jew."  _

_ Kyle smirked and held his ground despite having the short disadvantage. "Sounds good. Tuesdays and Thursdays from three-thirty to seven. Don't fucking slack off or I'll let your fat ass fail." He pushed the book he had into Cartman's arms before walking away. _

_ It sounded a lot more like they were scheduling a time to fight than study the way they talked. Seemed doubtful though. Cartman hadn't tried to punch him since they were at least fourteen.  _

_ After that they saw each other on a scheduled, regular basis. Plus they hung out on the weekends with their squad, getting up to either absolutely no good or doing some mundane high school boy shit. So all in all Kyle found himself around the obnoxious jerk a LOT more than normal.  _

_ At first, Cartman tried to convince Kyle to just do all the extra work and let him take credit but there was no way Kyle was letting that happen. Cartman would fucking work for his credits or Kyle was out. He wasn't about to redo a whole semester because he felt a tiny bit bad for his mentally inept friend.  _

_ There were a few times Cartman would piss Kyle off and he would leave early. They argued about the best ways to do math problems. They talked about drama that went down in school that day and how dumb people could be. They took snack breaks and played rounds of video games between subjects.  _

_ He was almost annoyed to find they got along most of the time. It became normal, comfortable even.  _

_ Until one day it was a little less so.  _

_ Cartman was going on about how he saw Clyde get slapped by Bebe in the hallway after gym.  _

_ "No dude you don't understand he went FLYING! Bebe is a tall bitch she's almost as tall as me! I swear I thought she'd break Clyde's whole jaw with that slap!" He ranted boisterously chewing on a red licorice rope. _

_ Kyle rolled his eyes. "I was there, numb nuts. He didn't go flying, he just stumbled back then ran away crying. Bebe looked really hurt too. I wonder what happened between them?"  _

_ Cartman shrugged "Who knows. Maybe he cheated on her or some shit? Hmmm. Nah Clyde's not the type. He's been pinning for Bebe forever. I bet anything it's Bebe freaking out because she likes him too much and she's pushing him away."  _

_ The ginger who was double checking Cartman's work looked up, frowning. "What do you mean? If she likes him wouldn't she just be with him? Clyde's a good guy."  _

_ "Sure but Bebe isn't the settle down type like Wendy. I bet Clyde's been all romantic and she keeps telling him to back off then he dropped the L word and she lost it. By that I dont mean a DVD copy of the lesbian drama." Cartman theorized.  _

_ As much as Kyle didn't want to agree with Cartman's nosy hypothesis it sounded plausible, as depressing as it might have been.  _

_ "That sucks for Clyde." Kyle said sadly, turning a page on one of the packets scanning over Cartman’s abhorrent handwriting.  _

_ "I mean sure but maybe if he didn't act like such uh…" Cartman slowly trailed off without warning, his voice growing softer and confused. Kyle turned his head to look at his friend, seeing Cartman's eyes flutter away from him and focus on something off to the side.  _

_ Kyle raised an eyebrow and looked around. He took in the silent empty details of Cartman's room and felt an instant uncomfortable hunch that something wasn't right.  _

_ Cartman's face was irritated and focused. He mumbled something under his breath as if answering a question. His eyes were far from Kyle at that point. Like he hardly remembered that he was there. The ginger felt his blood turning cold in his veins.  _

_ "Cartman?"  _

_ No response. Kyle sat up and shut the book he had in his lap loudly. Still nothing.  _

_ "Cartman, hey!" Kyle moved closer to him, worry seeping into his mind. This had been the first time he'd seen a symptom like this since he got out. Since he had become aware of what was actually going on. _

_ Cartman kind of looked toward him then away, back to where he saw something that simply wasn't there. Not for Kyle anyway. He started to look more panicked breathing harder, his hands shaking.  _

_ "Dude. Hey! Eric!" Kyle called out putting his hands on Cartman's shoulders and moving in front of him, blocking his view of anything else.  _

_ That seemed to work a little. Finally he was really looking at Kyle. His eyes were wide as he blinked up at him. "What the hell did you call me?" He asked, looking pale and out of sorts.  _

_ Kyle sighed relieved to have him somewhat back. "Your name. You're having a hallucination. Auditory or visual? You wanna go outside?" He asked, getting straight to the point and keeping his hands on Cartman like he was holding on to that thread of sanity present for now.  _

_ Cartman scrunched up his face looking ready to argue but he flinched without warning as if something had hit him and turned to the left of them. Kyle found his eyes following only to find nothing there once again. He bit his lip. _

_ "Yeah. Let's go outside." Cartman whispered without answering the question. He started to stand up and Kyle followed. He kept his hand on Cartman's back as they slowly descended the stairs and walked out into the crisp November air.  _

_ Kyle could see his breath as it evaporated in front of his face. Once. Twice. They didn't say anything to each other and so he dropped his hand letting Cartman walk away from him and step into the snow. His boots crunched the powdered water, walking into his yard as Kyle watched him take a deep shaky breath. _

_ He still seemed kind of freaked out. It was awkward, uncomfortable and disheartening seeing the truth now that it was out in the open. Cartman wasn't ok, he probably never had been. He'd probably been dealing with this stuff for years and none of his friends noticed. If they did they couldn't understand it then.  _

_ Ever since Kyle had heard about what they diagnosed Cartman with, he started paying attention. By paying attention he meant doing extensive research for hours online and in the library's mental health and psychology section. He told himself it was just to prove that Cartman was bullshitting this diagnosis like all the others for attention, or to get out of trouble. This time however he ended up shocked after finding lists of symptoms that so perfectly matched the person he had known for years. Cartman couldn't fake who he had been since they were kids. Cartman was crazy, they all said it but now they all knew why. Now calling him crazy seemed wrong.  _

_ "Do you need anything?" Kyle asked, stepping off the porch a little closer to Cartman. He wasn't scared of him just worried, maybe a little unsure about how to help. If he even could.  _

_ He shook his head, the snow that was cascading around him fell from where it settled in his messy brown hair. "No. Fuck off and go home. I'm done for today."  _

_ Kyle grimaced at the tone. It was clear he was embarrassed, probably pretty pissed off that he just had a psychotic episode in front of his least favorite friend of all people. Kyle felt a cold hand around his heart at that thought and without thinking about it he reached down into the snow grabbing a handful of it. He tossed it at the back of Cartman's head. It shattered into powder across his shoulders and back of his neck.  _

_ The ginger crossed his arms. "That help?" For a moment Cartman was totally still. Kyle couldn't see his face and he worried instantly that he had crossed a line. Made things even worse. He swallowed a lump in his throat about to apologize.  _

_ "You…" Cartman muttered, making Kyle stall and hold his breath waiting to be told what a fantastic asshole he was throwing snow at his hallucinating friend. "...are a DEAD JEW!" He screamed picking up some snow himself as he turned around faster than Kyle anticipated. Before he could dodge it he got a face full of cold snow and sputtered trying to get the melting water away from his nose.  _

_ Kyle broke into a grin and managed to swerve out of the way of Cartman's second snowball. "SCREW YOU, FAT BOY!" he laughed, tossing another snowball at Cartman. It hit his chest and he dramatically gripped the front of his shirt.  _

_ "WOUNDED! You would wound me while I'm distracted?! This is why no one wants to be friends with backstabbing Jews! I know how Jesus felt now." He lamented while circling Kyle menacingly. He had that mirthful look back in his eyes and a mischievous smirk to match.  _

_ Kyle's bare hand burned from the cold as he held a snowball in his palm. He was grinning from ear to ear carefully watching Cartman, waiting until he advanced to throw it. "Yeah sure. You and Jesus are totally the same. By that I mean, I think you're both full of shit."  _

_ Cartman charged then like a runaway train coming right for Kyle. The ginger tossed the snowball landing a direct hit to the face. Unfortunately for him Cartman was already too close and without any sight for a second he miscalculated how hard he was about to plow into Kyle.  _

_ They crashed into each other. Kyle was shoved backward into the snowy front yard, a heavy body falling on top of him, knocking the wind from his lungs. His hat fell backward off his head from the force, letting his red hair spill into existence against the white snow. He groaned and shoved at the body crushing him.  _

_ "Ughhh. Get off you're heavy!" He screeched, straining under the idiot's weight.  _

_ Cartman moved up holding himself over Kyle by his arms and looking down at him. Kyle barely caught a glance at his face but from what he saw it was beet red and seemed in total shock. The ginger couldn't help but laugh. He snorted into his hand thinking about how ridiculous they probably looked.  _

_ "HAHAHA! You haven't tackled me like that in a while. Must of really pissed you off!"  _

_ Cartman, who had just been staring at him, drew his eyebrows together and smiled. It looked somewhat genuine, only a little creepy. "Well you stopped growing a few years back and I figured it just wouldn't be a fair fight anymore. Looks like I was right."  _

_ Kyle reached into the snow and tossed some into Cartman's ear as he kicked him in the stomach, making the asshole roll off of him in pain.  _

_ "You fucking wish. I'll still kick your ass just like when we were kids. Last I checked the only fight you've ever won was against a midget in the fourth grade!" He berated, standing up to pat the snow off his body.  _

_ "Ugh… fuck you, Kahl." Cartman groaned, still clenching his stomach dramatically.  _

* * *

Kyle blinked a few times reaching his hand up to his face, his teeth biting into his thumbnail as he ran the scene from a few weeks ago over in his mind. "Nope. I don't think it means anything." He said, like a liar. 

"Kyle…" Stan's voice was completely disbelieving. He saw through that deadpan facade completely. 

"Fuck! Ugh… Okay! So it does seem likely that I have developed some less than platonic feelings. It doesn't have to mean anything! People get little crushes all the time! Especially on straight guys! It just happens and we move on so can we do that here?!" He asked almost manically. 

Stan paused again, grumbling something on the other end of the line that Kyle could hardly hear. 

"What?" 

"I mean. It's not like he's told us he's straight." Stan offered quietly, sounding way too uncomfortable. 

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Dude it's CARTMAN. Straight people don't come out; they just fuck around and say snide, homophobic comments to their Bi friends. Like that dickwad does. I'm not going to put effort into a crush that's going to end bad because the guy's scared of some dick! BESIDES IT'S  _ CARTMAN _ !" 

"Yeah, I know. I'd say you have real shit taste in men but you did like me at one point so it can't be that. Anyway it's whatever you want to do, Kyle. I just don't think the world will end if you wanted to go for it." Stan said, trying to sound encouraging. 

"I'm… I'm not going to do that. Probably not ever but especially now! I fucking need him to help me catch this dick running around killing people, remember? I don't need him up and bailing because he doesn't want to catch the gay from me or something." Kyle said looking out his window toward Cartman's house. He felt a sick painful pull on his stomach. 

"You think he'd stop caring that you got hurt because you have a crush on him?" Stan asked, almost sounding genuine. It felt obvious that he already knew the answer. 

Kyle wasn't so sure. He hugged his knee to his chest and sighed. "I don't know. Maybe. I can't risk it." 

"If he ever did anything like that I would fucking kill him and still find the guy who hurt you." Stan promised. "Actually I'll fuck Cartman up in general if he hurts you. Just let me know, bro." 

Kyle snorted. "Thanks. Like I said though it's just not happening. I have other stuff to focus on anyway. Eventually my logic will overcome these stupid emotions and the crush will die out." 

"I think that only works for Vulcans but sure. You'll be alright, Kyle. No matter what happens. I'll still be here for you, through all this shit and anything else that's gonna come." He swore with complete sincerity. 

The support pouring from Stan and all his friends had Kyle's heart swelling with appreciation. He'd do anything for his dumb friends right then. They were holding him up, keeping him from falling over the edge. He couldn't complicate that with stupid feelings that were doomed to be unrequited. What they all had now meant too much to him.

"Thanks, Stan. Hey I'm gonna catch some sleep. My mom wants me to stay home tomorrow to get ready for the funeral. I'll see you at school." 

"Yeah see you. Text me or call if you need anything, okay? I'm serious. I know you fucking hate talking about emotional shit but I'm serious. If not me then someone." His best friend insisted. 

"Of course it would be you. What you think I'm gonna get all deep with Cartman just because he's going to the funeral with me? Nah he needs to be there to look out for this creep."

"Heh. You never know I guess." 

"Whatever. Bye." 

"Bye, dude." 

Kyle pulled the phone away and turned it off. He sat it down on his nightstand and groaned pulling the pillow he was hugging onto his face, wishing he could just smother himself. He felt so damn stupid and embarrassed. 

"I can't fucking believe I just said all that out loud! To Stan! And the jerk wasn't even shocked or anything. Ughhhh! What kind of friend does that!?" He mumbled into the fluffy fabric around his face. 

_ The supportive kind that knows you. _ He thought. 

It was all too much to deal with. Now that he really thought about his stupid  _ feelings,  _ that time Cartman fell on him in the snow did seem kind of… gay. The way he held himself over him and how he was looking down with those stupid eyes. He looked shocked, his cheeks were stained red and just damn Cartman was all around larger than him. He basicly covered Kyle's stupid, twink shaped body. 

The contemplative ginger's lower stomach warmed suddenly and he felt a chill down his spine. Not an unpleasant one.

He pulled the pillow from his face and tossed it at the wall next to him, his eyes shooting wide open.

NOPE!!!!! 

Absolutely none of that. 

That… that was especially illegal. Kyle felt like he was judging  _ himself _ for that one. After everything that happened and he could still think like that? Ugh what the fuck?! He grimaced feeling his fingers drumming against this thigh. 

Damn it. Typically Kyle wouldn't think twice about reaching into his pants and using his overly active dick to relieve some of his stupid pent up stress and anger at whatever situation he found himself in. Right now though he felt so… conflicted. 

First off he absolutely would not just let himself jack off after getting turned on by thinking of Cartman while he was trying to get rid of all those kinds of feelings. It would just set him back further if he started doing any of that. Even if it was kind of tempting to try it out, see just how deep his confusing feelings went. 

Second off which really should be the first reason… 

Kyle unbuttoned his pants and shimmied them off tossing them to the side of his bed to be picked up later. He looked down at his legs. They looked stained, covered in dark patches of bruises only days old. Sore and so blatant against his pale skin. He ran his fingers over them and tried to not picture the knees that put them there. 

The painful pressure and horrible feeling of having someone crush your body without hesitation or remorse. 

Kyle pulled his shirt off and ran his hand along his chest. It was sore there too, a bruise on his stomach where the guy had punched him and the still bandaged bite mark on his shoulder. His neck was bruised with hickeys which made him nauseous to think about. He couldn't wait for the unsightly reminders to vanish. 

It wasn't fair how he could still feel the bastard’s hands and knees on him. It turned his stomach and erased any ideas of self pleasure from his mind. His body didn't even feel like his own. It felt stolen, broken and tainted. 

Kyle's eyes burned and he turned off his bedside light, pulling the covers around himself so he wouldn't have to look at his body anymore. He stared at his phone on the nightstand thinking about texting Cartman back. It was nice of him to text when his parents had screamed at him. Like he was making sure he was ok…

Kyle felt his heart quicken in his chest and turned over facing away from his phone. 

No. Not right now. He couldn't indulge like that. Even if he was tempted or needed some more reassurance after Stan had talked to him. He couldn't let himself. 

So instead he laid there staring at his wall until his eyes eventually closed. He hoped he could just sleep blankly. No more nightmares. No more memories. No more guilty feelings. Just blackness until he had to face tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol ok so first off I hope no one is to disappointed in me for making Stan an eboy, a hippie, a furry and a supportive friend who knows Kyle way to well. 
> 
> I love Stan and he will definitely kill Cartman if he breaks Kyle's heart but let's be real he kind of saw this coming after Cartman confessed to him! Now hes just trying not to out him on accident, what a bro.
> 
> I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL POST THE FUNERAL CHAPTER NEXT AND I SWEAR THESE IDIOTS ARE GETTING TOGETHER SOON! 
> 
> Thanks for still sticking around!!! Please comment if you can it motivates me X,D


End file.
